Synopsis1
There is a man, and all he ever does is sits at the top of2
a hill in a valley. The protagonist, EMMET, has always seen3
that man on the hill, and wants to know why. First he4
directly approaches the man, but he just recites something5
resembling a riddle. In search of the identity of this man,6
EMMET searches for his identity, but fails to find anything7
beyond an address. He finds the house left abandoned. EMMET8
finds a journal and a large number of notes, clearly near9
the end of a work in progress. After he begins shuffling10
through them , it becomes apparent that the man on the hill11
had come close to finding the true meaning of life. At the12
prospect of finishing the work and finding an answer, EMMET13
neglects his family and dedicates the next fifteen years of14
his life trying to discover a meaning, becoming more and15
more obsessed. Eventually, he comes to the conclusion that16
there must be no meaning. He goes to the man on the hill,17
asking him if there is a meaning. When he finds that he18
still doesn't know, EMMET realises that he has wasted his19
life and lost his family. Unable to live without knowing,20
and no longer having a family, he kills himself instead of21
joining the man on the hill.22
OPENING CREDITS23
EXT. VALLEY – NIGHT – ESTABLISHING24
We see a valley silhouetted against the dark sky. As it25
approaches dawn, the camera pans across the valley until26
there is enough light to see a fairly narrow hill, then it27
becomes apparent that there is a figure sat on the ground28
at the top of the hill. The landscape has not obviously29
been disturbed by humans. There is eventually sufficient30
lighting to see that the figure is a late-middle aged man.31
He is dressed in fairly plain, dark, working clothes, but32
they are worn and dirty. He has dark brown hair, a little33
better kept than his clothing. His expression is of slight34
confusion.35
The camera zooms out from the man on the hill, and pans36
across to a motorway. A car (blue-grey) comes towards the37
camera, and is followed on its way past until we can see38
see the hill with the man on it again.39
CUT TO:40
INT. CAR – CONTINUOUS ACTION41
Inside the car, are MATTHEW TAYLOR and EMMETT GREEN, both42
around 27. EMMETT is wearing very formal clothing, whereas43
MATTHEW is wearing a Hawaiian shirt.44
MATTHEW45
Hey! Look who it is over there!46
EMMETT47
Do I have to look? He's always48
there. He never moves.49
MATTHEW50
Wouldn't you just love to know51
why? Someone should drag him off52
somewhere. Like the other side of53
the hill.54
EMMETT55
No. I would not like to know.56
What I would like to know, is57
what this guy wants out of me.58
MATTHEW59
(Jovially)60
What? Like how large a bribe61
he'll take?62
EMMETT63
Matt. I thought you said "I'm64
going to get you this job." not65
"I'm going to antagonise you66
until you've not enough patience67
to sit in the waiting room"68
MATTHEW69
Come on EMMETT. Lighten up a70
little. Relax. It'll be fun.71
EMMETT stares straight ahead72
MATTHEW73
Well, it will be for me.74
EMMETT continues to ignore MATTHEW75
MATTHEW76
Oh. If that's how you're going to77
be. We both know you are going to78
get this post. So... Aww. You're79
no fun EMMETT. "So, Mr Green, how80
many other jobs have you been81
fired from?"82
(In an imitation of83
EMMETT)84
"None". "Well then! One more85
question, how good are you at86
hiding solitaire when the boss87
creeps in?"88
EMMETT89
MATTHEW. Just. Shut. Up. I'm90
trying to drive to get to this91
job.92
MATTHEW93
I'll drive on the way back! That94
way you can't complain about me95
bugging you. But seriously96
EMMETT. You're tenser than a97
nuclear bomb that's just taken98
it's finals. I woke up before99
noon for this. And that's the100
gratitude I get.101
EMMETT102
OK, OK. I'll try. Look. Look at103
me. I am smiling. Ha. Ha. Now let104
me get there.105
CUT TO:106
EXT. OFFICE BLOCK – MORNING107
EMMETT walks out of the office block, closely followed by108
MATTHEW. They re-enter the car, this time, MATTHEW takes109
the driving seat.110
MATTHEW111
Hah! See? No problem at all.112
EMMETT113
Yeah. Right. Now lets go home.114
EMMETT looks at his watch115
EMMETT116
(Wryly)117
It's gone twelve. If we hurry up,118
we might just make it home in119
time for your breakfast.120
MATTHEW121
No need to get like that Mister122
Green. I know just the thing to123
cheer you up.124
CUT TO: 125
EXT. VALLEY126
The car travelling back up the motorway. A dirt track turns127
off from the road, the car indicates to turn.128
Cut to: 129
Int. Car130
EMMETT131
You seriously can't want to go see132
that man.133
MATTHEW134
I want to know what he's doing up135
there.136
EMMETT glares at MATTHEW, who shrugs, pulling over.137
MATTHEW138
You never know, he might have some139
money. So if you hold him down...140
EMMETT141
NO!142
MATTHEW143
Heeeey, I'm just kidding. Lets go144
ask him.145
MATTHEW and EMMETT walk from the car to the man on the hill.146
MATTHEW waves, trying to catch the man's attention. The man147
turns his head slowly, a blank expression across his face.148
The pair reach the man.149
MATTHEW150
Hello there! We wanted to ask you151
something!152
EMMETT153
Yeah...154
MATTHEW155
What are you doing on this hill? I156
mean, I've never seen you anywhere157
else. You never move. Come on, why?158
They move closer to him159
OLD MAN160
(In prophetic/poetic161
tone. Dryly)162
I have built me a spire. A163
subject to hide behind, and see?164
The longer hair. I sat myself165
upon a spike, tall and thin a166
pillar it was. Fortune favoured167
the brave. But on my spike, I168
have no riches. From this outpost169
from my home, I see other holes.170
My feet are resting in this171
dream. They just dangle, draped172
across the smooth dirt173
MATTHEW174
Hey EMMETT. This guy is totally175
whack. What do you think he's on?176
EMMETT177
Whatever... I want to know what178
he's doing there. I mean, who just179
sits there. Mumbling none-sense?180
MATTHEW181
Him, apparently. Whatever he's on,182
I want some of it too. You know183
what? This guy's getting to me a184
little. Lets call it a day. You've185
had enough excitement.186
CUT TO:187
INT. FLAT - AFTERNOON188
There is some order here, but it is interspersed with clear189
signs of neglect. A sofa, TV and kitchen are the highlights,190
along with a coffee table buried under paperwork, junk mail,191
adverts, catalogues etc. EMMETT and MATTHEW walk in.192
MATTHEW193
EMMETT! Make yourself at home.194
Don't mind the cookies, they're195
probably not too old to eat. If196
they are, just put them in with the197
plant.198
EMMETT gives him a sharp look.199
MATTHEW200
It's compost! And if I'm lucky I201
might even grow me a neat little202
cookie bush.203
EMMETT has travelled to the kitchen, and MATTHEW slumps down204
on the sofa.205
EMMETT206
Where's the tea Matt? Last time it207
was in the Bread bin. With the208
toaster. But the toaster has209
migrated to, I assume, the actual210
bin. But there are no traces of tea211
left.212
MATTHEW213
It's in the tin marked "Coffee"214
EMMETT continues to prowl round the kitchen, eventually215
giving up and looking in the coffee tin. 216
EMMETT217
Hey, what do you think of him218
then?219
MATTHEW220
Who?221
EMMETT222
That guy on the hill. Aren't you223
the least intrigued?224
MATTHEW225
(Yawning)226
The word "Intrigued" has too many227
syllables for my liking. I prefer228
the term "Laze around"229
EMMETT230
Well, I wanna know who he is.231
Er... Was. I figure someone must232
know who he is. He can't have233
always sat around on that hill.234
MATTHEW235
Hey! The baby boy has a236
personality at last! Now you can237
go spend it yourself! I can only238
do so much in one day. Especially239
after a mere six hours sleep.240
EMMETT241
I still want to know what's242
happened to him.243
MATTHEW244
That guy freaked me you know?245
Just... Leave it OK? Anyone246
who'll act like that must have247
done something real bad.248
EMMETT finishes his coffee, places the mug on a pile of249
paper after depositing the remnants in the plant. He walks250
out of the flat without saying a word.251
MATTHEW252
Yeah... Bye EMMETT253
CUT TO:254
EXT. OUTSIDE EMMETT'S HOUSE - EARLY EVENING255
EMMETT's house is a semi detached house, with garage. The256
lights are on, the silhouette of a woman sitting in front257
of the window can be seen on the blinds. EMMETT pulls up,258
walks to the house and opens the door.259
CUT TO:260
INT. INSIDE EMMETT'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS261
EMMETT walks in, finding his wife (CASSANDRA) in the262
kitchen. He kisses her on the cheek.263
CASSANDRA264
Hey, you feeling friendly today?265
How did that interview go? 266
EMMETT267
Yeah... It went ok.268
CASSANDRA269
Wow! You don't seem bothered at270
all by it. Get up to much with271
Matt then? He always has some272
mischief left in him. I wonder if273
he ever grew up sometimes.274
EMMETT275
(Smiling)276
I don't think he'll ever grow up.277
I almost feel like we're leaving278
him behind. You know that guy on279
the hill?280
CASSANDRA281
Sure. Never seen him anywhere282
else. Why?283
EMMETT284
We asked him why he sits there.285
Freaked Matt out. Never seen him286
like that. The guy went on about287
spires. And fortunes. Who would288
know anything about him?289
CASSANDRA290
It really doesn't matter EMM.291
He's just some weird man. What292
does it matter what some293
eccentric old guy does? He294
probably just likes the view.295
EMMETT takes a piece of food that CASSANDRA is preparing.296
She slaps his hand lightly.297
CASSANDRA298
That's not ready yet! Go fetch299
TIM. By the time you cut his300
umbilical chord from the TV, I'll301
be done here. (She laughs)302
CUT TO:303
(Cont'd)304
Author notes
A figure dreams of the truth. Another seeks this truth, only to join the dreaming.
Ct'd here allpoetry.com/Story/1862243
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Needs work
My first comment is in regards to the very first paragraph. Way too much direction for a spec script. Directing is the director's job, not the writer's. As a spec writer, you are writing this script on the theory that you can sell it for $$, and including a paragraph explaining a shot that has no significance on the story -- no matter how cool it may be -- is a mistake, I think.
Directors tend to succumb to the confines of the "auteur theory" when it comes to "their" movies. They bitch and moan and complain when you step on their toes, which you are definitely doing here.
Not to mention, this shot is pretty confusing to me. It just doesn't click in my head. What's wrong with --
"EXT. VALLEY - DAWN
A MAN watches the sun rise over the pristine valley. A car drives by."
?
It gets just as much said in many, many less words. I had to work to figure out what you meant by that opening paragraph, and that's never a good thing. A script that's a fast read is one that may be sold. A script that's cluttered with unneccessary shots is one that is likely to be passed on.
Stick to the story. That's what readers/producers like to see in a script like this. A dead-set story, tightly written, very little downtime, adequate character development, and laughs if you can get them in.
Secondly, I noticed that your lines of action are very, very wordy. The quickest read in a script comes from using the least amount of words, so you can subsitute "is riding" for "rides". "Is driving" for "drives". "Is doing" for "does", etc. The fat needs to be trimmed here . . . a lot.
I thought your dialogue was a little cheesy and unnatural. A good way to weedle this out, I've found, is by having a bunch of friends get together to read the script out to you. You can tell when something isn't going to work because it'll sound funny. Make a note of that in your copy of the script. The characters just didn't strike me as people -- they struck me as characters.
And I also thought you used a few too many parentheticals, and in the wrong way. Rather than "in an imitation of Emmett", why not say, "imitating Emmett"? It gets just as much done in three less words. Actors, I've found, don't like to be told what to do, either. All the writer is paid to do is supply the story . . . the actors don't like to be told how to act by anybody other than the director, and the director doesn't like to be told how to direct by anybody.
Another thing . . . You don't have to CAPITALIZE the character's name every time it's prought up. It's annoying to read, and it's not professional standard. It causes the reader to pause when they see it . . . and that's not a good thing.
Sorry if this is a little harsh. I'm not having a good day, and I feel bad about taking it out on your script, but I promised you a critique, and here it is. Take what you want from it, or completely disregard it. And I'm sorry it took so long.beginning: 2, language: 1, plot: 1, overall: 4, ending: 1, dialog: 2, characters: 2.
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thanks! I need to work on this more but college work is really getting in the way riht now...
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Awesome!
Wow! I wish I could write like this! I LIKE IT A LOT, and it seems realistic. Keep up the good work! I am going to read all the rest of it. -
okay, i read "fool on the hill". wow, that was nicely written. i like the old poetic man and how he said:
have built me a spire. A
subject to hide behind, and see?
The longer hair. I sat myself
upon a spike, tall and thin a
pillar it was. Fortune favoured
the brave. But on my spike, I
have no riches. -
Eck. Just realised that there's a limit on this lol... Ok... Now to post up the rest I've done as "Fool on the Hill - Part two"
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Okay I read the update and I absolutely loved it. This was amazing, w0000t.
Cassie -
Whoa dude that was freaking awesome..wow... That was...wow.... WOW lol. I loved it soooo much! Great write Chris, I absolutely CANNOT wait to read more!!!
Cassandra -
I like the new stuff you added as well.
Nicely done so far!
-huggs-
~Pancake -
wow, this is like a screenplay. this is a work in progress. good job
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Ooh. I like it
I kept thinking about the song Fool on the Hill when I read it :-P
Keep it up! I like it a lot <3
~Pancake -
lol. This is a work in progress.
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Very true. Very true indeed. x
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