Jackel

this is a story I wrote for a friend aout a friend in a long disconnected sort of it wont make sense so dont ask any way sort of way. got it? good so here it is ehem:1

FIRST VERSION OF THE STORY:2

once upon a time there was a boy who liked to eat lead-base paint chips. His name was Gary and all the colorful and shiny paint always looked very tastey to him. So he ate lots of paint chips but didnt gain any weight because they were fat free (for anyone whose annorexic... this is the diet for you... *warning: may cause severe brain damage*) Eventually the boy didnt know his name was jackal and he got lost on a trip to the zoo. He was adopted by Chimpanzees who named him Jackal so that he would grow up to be fierce and strong. Eventually he was captured and taken from his Chimp family by evil orange and green gnomes who came from a vanilla cake delivered to him at midnight of March 31st. This was a sad day for him. He adopted a few pet razors and an uncle or two and became the gnome killer... or something like that...3

SECOND VERSION OF THE STORY:4

(comes in two installments)5

PART ONE:6

*coughs a bit and throws a few crumpled papers to the side before finally remembering that she probably ought to be telling her very special story*7

ER.. yes, thats right, ehem-8

This is a story of sorrow, and *glances at her own scribles in silver glitter ink* er.. friendship I  believe, involving a young foolish lad named Gary who did much more with his life than simply eat lead paint chips and drink dish soap for breakfast, although I cannot say he isnt guilty of both strange habbits. Gary was once the  crown prince, actually the only prince, of a little country called Zymaxasopia, where he lived with his very royal and evil parents.9

His mother from an early age raised him on drugs and poisons which he quickly developed an immunity too as well as strange habbits, brain damage, and perhaps some addictions that were broken in later stages of brain damage. Regardless, it was very peculiar in every way explainable, and unexplainable.10

His father, was--- waite, I'll let you guess, *turns to her audience of one* ah no, I'm sorry, he was not heroic, kind brave, or anysuch thing, I'm disapointed in you, no--- he was the leader of the mafia, which was in that particular country known as the Zazbuts, a very high intelligence group of carefully selected and very wealthy men and women, kind of like the former government of Iraq *coughs* er yes, anyhow, with such as upringing something was bound to go wrong, sadly it was in no way expected that such a large number of coincidences would be involved.11

On the eve of the eve of the eve of the 32nd day of February, a day which existed long ago but in recent times was removed from calenders for lack of purpose, Gary was out hunting with her personal collection of very sharp and deadly scythes. He was rabbit hunting, but rather than catching anything he found himself instead captured by a furious band of highly ill-tempered sea bass.. er waite no no, the y had no lasers, sorry wrong story, no he found him self captured rather by a band of ill tempered and furious pink gnones who in their excitement for capturing him shot him with a few two many of their special tranquilizers and furthered his brain damage to a point where his memory became fairly useless. Kind of like early alzheimers, but likely worse.12

*blinks a bit* er.. this is taking too long and I have much much more to explain, since so far I've explained nothing, so tell ya what, I'll finish this later!!! ~Chlor~13

PART TWO:14

*coughs some more avoiding a few angry mobs by ducking around corners before finally settling down to finish her tale* Er Herm... yes, sorry about cutting off midway last time, maybe not even that far in *coughs a bit more from all the dust shes caught running from the people who she owes stories* Never start writing... Its bad business, people find out you've got just the slightest amount of funny or nonsense in you and they just want to SQUEEZE it all out of you... particularly close friends... its like since you can write you OWE it to them to write ABOUT or FOR them... anyways, since I'm almost done complaining I'll get to the story.. hee hee...15

Kind of like early alzheimers, but likely worse. *sorry bout repeating myself, but it secretly helps me try to place where I am...* RIGHT! anyhow, the pink gnomes took him home with them and since he had no memory sold him as a pet to some passing smurfs, telling him that he was an orangutan that they had stolen from a zoo. The smurfs had good fun staring at their pet Orangatan for a long blink, until he broke free and started trying to figure out where the gnomes were so he could kill them. Luckily the gnomes had forgotten to disarm him (... no  that means remove his weapons... not his arms, for all those with slightly smaller vocabularies than my own...) so he escaped with little or no trouble and was soon sniffing his way to freedom leaving a very few unburied blue bodies behind.. (AWE!!! what a mean monkey.. I mean Orangatan! killing smurfs *cries* whats wrong with this world!)16

Anywho, with no regrets he was soon lost and arrived upon a zoo. Zookeepers quickly discovered his not so secret hiding spot in the middle of the parking lot and caged him away neatly and securely with a female orangutan, so that he could have good company. The zoo keepers were very surprised to return late that day and find their newest orangutan sprawled and battered on the ground by the very angry female orangutan who was not fooled by the clever disguises of the gnomes. She knew he smelled funny the moment he got in her cage and wasnt not too happy about it. So anyway, due to unpleasant and somewhat lucky circumastance our hero Gary, the smurf-killing orangutan, was penned up in his own crib.. er cage... (haha.. *coughs* yeah... thats almost the lamest thing I think I've written all day... ALMOST! ) so anywho, this happy new addition to the zoo was really pretty full of anger and cynicysm, so they zoo keepers, disturbed by his violent nature and disturbing mastery of fire, called him Jack L, for no darn reason that could be explained... So Jack L lived many years in his safe habitat as an orangutan, occasionally put in regulatory padded cells out of fear for his safety. Then one day a passing gnome in disguise as an elf... a very ugly elf if it could be called one... spotted Gary, his long lost archnemisis, and decided to brake him out that night and use him as a hunting target. So late on the eve of November 77th, a day that is only observed by gnomes of the highest order and likely not really in existence, Zopa, the coolest gnome ever,freed Jack L who immediately, to Zopa's shock, killed Zopa. 17

You see, secretly Jack L had been quietly... er.. well loudly actually, planning his secret gnome attack, and now, thanks to a gnomish master, was free to go take his vengence. Sadly he got lost and ended up somehow in something resembling civilized clothing... maybe a little cut up and blood spattered, (but when has that ever been important?) and adopted into a mysterious kind and accepting family... and renamed Jackel, because thats what he thought his name was, and whose going to stop an angry man with a razor from calling himself Jackel? yeah.. thats what I thought... cowards the lot of you... So anywhoo, Now you know the secret past of another mysterious character.. 18

*coughs* I dont know if that was worth my time, but hell, its more entertaining than roleplaying is most the time *coughs again and hopes no one feels like challenging her comment* anywhoo... thats the nice story I came up with, the real version in my notepad has a few more weird thing in it, but they didnt really fit the story line i was working for so.. to hec with em! er yeah! ~CHLOR~19