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One evening on a hot June morning. Lindsay got up and made breakfast again. Well Derek started crying as he got out of bed, went into Lewis’s room and then started screaming on the hard-wood floor. Lewis finally got up and took Derek downstairs. Lewis had something in mind though. He thought it didn’t make any sense, but it was a sign.2
Finally Lewis and Derek got settled for a family breakfast. Again Lewis had the same thing stuck everywhere. He ate his sausage as he thought again. Lindsay thought something was wrong with Lewis because he was making weird looks and his eyebrows were going opposite ways. Like one eyebrow up and 1 down. She tried to laugh but she had food in her mouth so she didn’t. Derek stared at Lewis’s eyebrows and started crying because of his eyebrows. As soon as Derek stopped crying it was the end of breakfast that day.3
Again Lewis got that thought and then he fell asleep. Lindsay was in a summer class, and she is learning about mysteries. So she hoped she could try what she learned and develop it into a story. That next morning Lindsay sat up in her bed sick. But she still thought about that story. She asked her new friend Bridget about her life in Canada. 4
That was brilliant! Her life was perfect to write a story. It would sound so mysterious. Even if it was kind of boring but it was perfect for a story! Lindsay started bragging the next day. She never meant it though. 5
That night she was still a little sick and she sat down at her computer desk and wrote the masterpiece. She finished the story at 3am. She didn’t make breakfast because she went off to summer class to read that story. 6
Lindsay arrived to school after the scary ride on the school bus. Finally the bell rang! Lindsay got ready to read her story. The teacher told Lindsay to read her story. Lindsay read, “One morning on a hot Canada day a child sat up in bed. She heard her closet creaking, screaming, and whistling. All the sounds came from the terrifying closet! The child had a baseball bat and opened her closet door. She didn’t dare to put her whole body in the closet!!! So she carefully put her arms forward the closet door. She heard the sounds again and screamed! When she screamed she had the baseball bat in the closet door and then she whipped the baseball bat. She felt tugs and tugs and more tugs. She started panting as she tried to leave the room instantly. But she was stuck. When all of a sudden the door creaks…then she saw a shadow, but it was only the fluffy dress that she wears to church. So that was a lucky night for her though.” Lindsay finished the story. Then she told the teacher that she wanted an A plus. Her teacher gave her the best mysterious story award. Honestly she thought it was boring, but it was still good. Anyway it was the end of the classes so the buses lined up at the bus loop. She got on the bus and waited to go home. Finally she arrived home. 7
It was after 6 because it was Wednesday. Lindsay was exhausted so she went to bed. Lindsay dreamt about her story too. Lewis still had those freaky thoughts. It still made Derek cry. A few weeks later it was the beginning of a new school year, and it is going to be Derek’s first time going to a public school doing pre-school. 8
Author notes
This is a story about a single father and an 11 year old girl named Lindsay joins a summer class about Mysteries and writes a story about her new friend Bridget. Bridget was from Canada too.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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I don't entierly get this story. I think it is very good all the same. May I suggest more description? It was a bit rushed but I am sure there was a reason.
Can I change:
one evening on a hot June morning. Lindsay got up and made breakfast again.
to
One evening after a hot June day, Lindsay got up and made breakfast again.
or
Once on a hot June morning, Lindsay got up and made breakfast again.
It doesn't make sense your way.
Well Derek started crying as he got out of bed, went into Lewis’s room and then started screaming on the hard-wood floor.
to
Then Derek started crying as he got out of bed, went into Lewis’s room and then started screaming on the hardwood floor
Apart from that, this is a great story. I am no story writer myself, but I can tell alot of work went into this.
Laura

