civil war

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Trembling, unaware that the presence behind me was real, tears began to streak down my face.  For so long, I had waited for this moment, I had prayed.  I had  so desperately paced the floor of my little house waiting for his return.  Yet, I knew it was not going to happen.  So, when I saw his face standing there, I continued as I had on all the other occasions I had seen him.  2

O h, I wanted to go to him.  To rush to his waiting arms.  I longed to feel his kiss.  To have him make love to me would be divine.  But I knew that something in my mind had long ago cracked and that this was just another hallucination I was having.  He had died long ago, in the war between brothers.  The Civil War was not too civil if you ask me.3

I remember the day the Yankee soldiers came.  I was so frightened and Daddy told me it would be OK.  I believed him, then.  I believe nothing now.  There is nothing left to believe.  Them Yankees violated me that day and I have believed in nothin' since.  I will believe in nothin' ever again.  I promised myself this the day I got the letter from Lee's friend who enlisted with him.  The letter that said the worst had happened. 4

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March 19, 18646

Dear Miss Rose,7

I can not tell you how sorry I am 8

to write this letter to you.  The 9

only comfort I can give is that 10

it was quick and over before he 11

knew what had happened.  I am 12

so sorry for this  terrible news. 13

In Love and Respect,14

Anthony 15

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I remember the day I got that letter.  I still carry it around in my bosom.  It is so difficult to read now, but I have it.  I have with it all the tears I have cried since then.  And Daddy said it would all be OK?17

When I go out in the old garden, I can see where Momma's beautiful roses once grew.  Momma is buried there now.  So is Kassie, Alicia, Alex, Bob, Jonnie, Robert Sr., and all the remains of the family pets.  They all starved long ago.  At least  the ones who stuck around.  The others, they just run off long about the second year into the war.18

Tom, we don't know what become of him.  He left for the enlistment but they sent some soldiers 'round about two months after he left and they was looking for him real bad like.  Sayin' he never showed up.  They called him a traitor!!!!  Can you believe such a thing?  My brother, Tom, a traitor?!!!  Never!!!  Daddy woulda killed him himself but we don't know what come of Daddy either.  Haven't heard hide nor hair in over six months.  Will all this death ever come to an end?  It doesn't seem so.  I sometimes wish I'd been the one to go to war.  Heck!  I did go to war stayin' here and tryin to keep this place goin'.19

Them Yankee men called me a whore and said they was gonna do what my Daddy had done.  We don't have no slaves.  We hired Mattie to help when Momma was pregnant with the baby but my Daddy run this place all by himself.  They didn't believe me none, not even when Mattie told them this was true.  They slapped her!!!!  Can you believe such a thing?  Slappin' the very woman they say they was gonna save!!  My Daddy woulda been livid with anger.20

But, since Daddy wasn't here, me and Mattie had to let them have their way with everything.  Including us.  It was so awful!  I still vomit when I think of poor Mattie being drug off like she was.  I can only imagine what they did to her after she left here.21

They took everything that day.  All my food is long gone and my tummy don't even grumble anymore.  My Momma's silver broach, I begged them to let me keep that.  It belonged to my great-great-granny back in Ireland.  The spit on it!!  I will never beg for nothin' again!  NEVER!!!!22

I .........23

"What the heck?" 24

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Waking up in my bed with him standing over me was leavin me to think I was dreamin again.  There is no way this can be.  I got the letter.  I kept tellin him over and over.  I touched his face.  I ran my fingers through his beard.  I saw his very tired blue eyes and I fainted again.26

"Rose.  Rose, honey wake up.  Please wake up for me.  You aren't dreamin.  It is really me.  It's lee darlin.  What letter are you talkin about?" 27

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So, I pulled the tattered and aged letter from my hidin place and showed him.  "Damn!!  That letter is one we wrote case it should ever happen.  Anthony musta had it on him when he died.  Oh, darlin, you have lived this whole time thinkin I was dead.  Oh, Precious, I am here.  Really, I am here.  I still want you to be my wife, if you will have me."29

I knew in that moment that the war hadn't taken everything and that there was once again hope for rebuildin the land my Daddy had loved.  I wasn't goin at it alone anymore and I had Lee back. 30

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