It was Molly's birthday and on that hot summer day in mid July she was heading to her boyfriend Jordan's house for a night of pure pleasure. She walked until she saw a shadow walking towards her and screaming her name. It turned out to be Jordan and she caught up to him and they walked the rest of the way to his house huddled up. When they arrived there was soft slow music playing and the lights were all off. Jake's parents were'nt home they had went out for the weekend. He took her gently by the hand up to his bedroom. He says i would like to show you my newly decorated room. It was beautifully decorated with a wrought iron bed that had silk sheets placed upon it. He said come try it out see how you like it he took her by the hand and led her to the side of the bed. He said go ahead try it out. She slowly sat down on the edge of the bed and layed back and felt the silkiness of the sheets caress her body. He lies down beside her and asks her how she likes it she answers back i love it. He leaned over and started kissing her on the forehead, kissed her eyes her nose and nibbled on one of her earlobes. Then he kissed her very gently on the lips he took hold of both her hands and wrapped his fingers between hers. Then he kissed her passionnately and slowly he pulled her to a sitting position. He slowly started unbuttoning her silky pink and black top one button at a time. After he had it completly undone he gently slid it down over her arms. He ran his finger up and down her spine giving her chills and makin her a little hot. He gives her another kiss with one hand cupping her face his other hand slowly moves around the back to unfasten her bra. He slips it off her shoulders and she is sitting there half-naked waiting to find out what will happen next. As he is staring at her he notices her nipples have a pinkish glow to them and he gently kisses each one. Moving his tounge in circular motions licks around each nipple while using his hands to unbutton her pants. He kisses her slowly all the way down her stomach until he reaches the top of her pants and he stands her up and slowly pulls them off her. Then using his teeth pulls the string of her black thong to untie it and it falls to the floor. She gets up and pulls him up towards her, grabs the bottom of his shirt and pulls it over his head and rubs her breast against his bare chest. He says baby you're starting to turn me on and she gets down on her knees and unbuttons his pants with her teeth. She then pulls his boxers down around his ankles he stepped out of them both. She stands up and gives him a kiss and gets back down on her knees and starts to suck his long hard cock feeling him push it deeper into her mouth until she can feel it in the back of her throat. He pulls her up and pushes her down on the bed begs her to get on top so they can do 69. So she gets on top and he licks all around her wet clit and she licks all around the head of his dick. Then she moves and sits on the bed and he asks her so what you wanna do next she said i don't know. he lays he back on the bed and puts his fingers inside her and starts pushing them in and out till Molly is moaning really loud and about to cum. Her pussy is so wet and she can barely breath and he starts to eat her wet pussy and she can't help but moan. She trys not to be too loud but it is really hard and he jus licks her pussy harder and she moans louder. Then he raises up and lays on the bed and she gets on top of him and he puts his dick in side her as deep as he can get it. She rides him until the are both soaking wet and out of breathe she lays down beside him and he gives her a kiss and says baby how was your birthday? She said you made it the best birthday i ever had and i will always thank you for it. They lay there hugged up next to each other and that's how they wake up the next morning.1
Author notes
my first attempt at a erotica story hope you enjoy cuz i don't think i will like it lol
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Hey great story. I thought it was pretty cool. Keep it up.
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This is a great story but I am going to give you a few suggestions..
1... Break the story into paragraphs - makes it much easier to read and it allows the reader to scroll without losing their place.
2. Bring out the characters more... lead into the story a bit more by describing or showing a deeper relationship between the characters. Also, work on the dialogue and details in the bedroom scene. Otherwise it sounds like a one night stand, something that I know,from reading this piece, is not the truth between these two characters.
3. Reread this piece with an editor's eye. Think of the books and magazines you've read and tighten this wonderful piece up.
Once you do these things, then you have not only a great story but a fantastic story. Please remember, these are only suggestions in order to help you improve on an already good story. So I hope that you take them with the and respect that they are given in.
Looking forward to rereading this piece,
Lady Sylvyr Darkmoon
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This was a really good start at writing this sort of stuff and I liked it very much. Maybe you should have added more detail, I'm not quite sure but maybe you should the next time you try it. I couldn't believe how good this was for your first attempt and I hope you keep writing this sort of stuff as well as your normal poems as you will keep developing more and more. Fantastic stuff Becca.
love
michael
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nice work
this was a good first try with some practice i bet you can get better though find more words to experse what you really want to say with out having to just say the normal ones you know but hay who am i to judge you know i still think you did a great job and that you should try to write more storys like this just to get better you know i like how you use a lot of detale and all that jazz but you get to the point really fast and then the climaxe is not that long it should be a tad bit longer so that the story has more drama and unexpecteness to it you know that way the reader is just dieing for the next line to see what will happen i think the only thing missing out of this peace is more forplay but like always this is only my oppion and you can take it or leave it once more great job
veronica -
Good for your first try at erotica. I'm not a master at writing it but I read it alot, so... I think this is pretty fair.
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OMG! this is like the best story ive ever read you did such a great job on this i think you should enter it in a contest you would do great on it you are a really talented writer i wish i was as tanted as you and i thought when you wrote this something bad was going to happen like her get raped or something but it was great great great your just amazing keep up the really great work and i cant wait to read more of your stories like this girl keep up the awesome work and keep writing them as good as this one cant wait to read more of your poetry either because you do great on that too so i love your stories and your poems thanks for sharing with all of us on allpoetry and i was the second one to comment yay l0l well im gonna go keep these coming and love you like a real true sister bye byez for now
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amazing
this is totally great and it had me on the edge of my seat. your first try at this is amazing and i hope that you will continue writing like this and do let me know when you add more like it.
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