the causes of love chapters 1+2

chapter 1 1

depression seeped into her soul as she sat their and thought about her passing life. past, present, and future. she looked back on her past. perfect little angel, goody two shoes, and teacher's pet came to mind. she looked at the present. secretive, lies , dishonesty they all came to mind. she looked at the future and where she wanted to be. successful, self-sufficient, loved unconditionally came to mind also. she looked at herself this very second in time ~now~. and thought to herself they are words, just reflections of past, present, and future. mere words. just words. but words hurt more than ' sticks and stones '. pain seeped in filling the cracks of her breaking heart. she sat staring at air thinking how much she hated to think but yet knowing she had to. it was a piece of her identity. thinking, writing poetry, helping people. all parts of her. ' me,  who am i ? ' she asked herself . she thought even more , ' i am me but then me is i 'confusing herself she stopped thinking momentarily. then resumed in a new thought 'why do i feel like this ' she asked herself mentally. and answered mentally also. 'because ...' , she began trying to explain it as easily as possible... ' because it's over ...' she thought about the break up. ' and because well when he's not around i want to be around him but then when i am around him i feel uncomfortable... ' she pictured them mouth to mouth in passion. she couldn't explain to herself why she felt  uncomfortable or why she was always at a lose for words. she was confused. she didn't know what she wanted quite yet. ' he loves me ' she thought as a tear drop rolled from her brown eyes to her tanned cheek. ' but do i love him? ' she pondered over this magnanimous question to which she couldn't find an answer. she walked to the bathroom. wiped away her crystal tear drops and looked at herself in the mirror.     " why me?" she asked herself aloud this time. she stared at herself in the mirror looking into her own eyes. they were the openings to her soul. soft heavenly eyes gazed back at her as she blinked herself back into reality. she walked to her room. sat on her bed. turned on her french love songs CD. laid down and turned off the light. eyelids heavied and soon sleep overtook her figure on the bed. and she went off into dreams.2

chapter 23

as she slept images popped into her head. she had a dream that night but wasn't sure if it was a dream at all. this was what she saw...    ....there she lay on the ground looking into the sky around 8:30 at night. noticing ruins in the clouds she got king if scared. she sat there wondering. she asked Ralph what they meant and if she was seeing things. she wasn't seeing things she was told but was comfortable around Ralph for once. she felt safe and yet vulnerable. she felt protected but scared. she didn't understand and that scared her more. she feared for herself and those involved. she was scared of the unknown. she hated not knowing. she hated not understanding. she hated fear itself. she new fear was only overcame by knowledge and self-confidence. she knew she must stare fear in the eye. and give fear, fear of itself.4