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"You see then, I was no dreamer you woke from sleep," she said as she looked right at the hypnotist after he snapped his fingers.2
"So where have you been?" the Amazing Donovan asked her.3
Lydia shook her head, and closed her eyes as she thought about the answer to this question. "I've been to London to visit the Queen," she said, as if reciting from memory.4
"And what did you do there," he questioned again.5
This time, without any thought, she added, "I frightened a little mouse under the chair."6
The crowd roared, but it was as if Lydia didn't hear them. She got off her chair, got on all fours and ran after an imaginary creature, finally stopping at one of the chairs and smiling, as if she could see something the others could not.7
"You may return to your chair now," Donovan said, and Lydia got up and walked back to her seat on the stage, sitting down as the audience clapped even louder.8
"You will go back to sleep at the count of three," the hypnotist said, and when he said the number three, her head fell forward and she was again in a deep sleep.9
Many other volunteers on stage performed while she slept. They all acted out the hypnotist's instructions. Some saw imaginary people, others thought they were drunk. One woman became an athlete in training who could not eat fatty foods or drink alcohol. Another woman kept hearing whistles and covered her ears so as not to hear the sounds.10
The audience loved it, and soon the hypnotist came back to sleeping Lydia. 11
"Lydia,' he said. 12
"You see then, I was no dreamer you woke from a sleep," she replied again to this prompt. She looked at his face and waited.13
"Good, you have followed my directions correctly. You will now awake from your sleep at the count of three and will remember nothing of what you have done on stage here tonight. You will feel refreshed and happy."14
"One, two three,' Donovan snapped his fingers and Lydia awoke, wondering what she was doing on stage.15
"You may now all leave the stage and return to your places. Let's have another hand for all these wonderful people,' Donovan said, and as they all walked down the stairs to their places on the floor, all were smiling and very pleased with themselves. They would not believe they had done anything out of the ordinary this evening, certainly not entertaining a hall full of people who came here to see a master hypnotist at work.16
As Lydia sat down beside her husband Bob, he laughed and asked her, "You must have had quite the dream. Did you catch the mouse?" 17
Author notes
Haven't been to see a hypnotist in years, but this sounds like something that could be said at one of these entertaining evening performances.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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the mouse...
How very clever and curiously real, I would think, as I have read of these incidents before. Well said, well written...a pleasure to read and thank you for your visit and comment...
regards...amicus...
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Well done
In such a short write you have captured my imagination. Perhaps you dreamed you were Alice in wonderland. Good writing, and fun to read.beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, overall: 8, ending: 5, dialog: 2, characters: 2.
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I'm really very sorry it took me so long to get to this review. Here's what I wrote down.
The story itself was a little bland. I didn't feel involved with it in any way. It didn't have much of a plot. It's a real nice start, but that all, just a start. If you were to add on to it, I think it could have real potential. But with it, as is, it doesn't really have a plot. It needs a conflict in it somewhere. Also, make us feel for the characters.
A simple story consists of an exposition "the introduction in which the writer gives any background information and about the characters, setting, and basic situation), a rising action (the main part of the story in which the main character struggles to overcome obstacles to achieve a goal), a climax (the point of interest or suspense in the story), and a resolution (the point in a story in which the central conflict is really ended; often combined with the climax) -
Oops! I already read this one! Sorry about the points! Oy! This is fun, though, and I do think you have a gift. I would advise you to describe the physical things in a story as well: the walls, the smell of the air and of the people, the overall feeling of the place (joy, depression, fear, etc.) But it's obvious to me that you do have a gift, Erika. Good! - oce
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LOL I like this story, its nice. I', kind of scared of hypnosis, because it gives someone else power over me. But the shows I see on TV are pretty cool indeed.
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such a wonderful writer.. i enjoyed it very much. .you have a gift<3
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Wow. You are a great writer. I am very impressed. Don't stop!
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This is very well-written. I enjoyed it very much. It was as if I was there. I really loved it! Bravo! Shancy.
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well done would like to read more of your works love this one lookking into your author page thanks for sharing
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Excellent
Great fresh take on a line that could have been used to write something trite. yet you took a fresh look at it. Great job. -
Thoroughly enjoyable
thoroughly enjoyable piece
thanks for sharing it and please write more!
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A very entertaining a well-told story ... it also sparked a memory of my own. You've guessed it - I was once a 'victim' and I can't remember a thing - but now all members of my family who were there grin manically whenever the tune "The Stripper" is played. I don't ask for details - I don't want to know!
Thank you!
Mike -
I like Bob, in here. He has a sense of humor like my dad, who is also called Bob. You weave an excellent story line, and you have a lovely wit and charm in your story.
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lol, this is fuuny, i like that ending, i love show like that and for you to write a story about it was a good idea to me, keep it flowing
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Great Job
Loved your write. I guess we'll have to make up our own ending.
Roses -
This was good and kept me interested also. I myself would like to continue reading this story if it were ever posted. A great write and do hope that you plan to continue it. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest. Gary
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Wow! that was a great story, i loved the ending. So please keep up the story making and I will keep up the reading.
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you wrote this with much knowledge and profecients..happy to read this as it kept me interested threough out..
Linda -
GREAT JOB!!!!! :F
Grannyeri, this was awesome, very well written, and an enjoyable read, I liked the plot of the story, Thank you for sharing, AngelicMistress
PS
I am sorry but, I have no points for applause
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awesome
i dont know about going to a hypotist. good write .. and fun. thank you for sharing your words with me. well done. and keep on writing. -
Hypnotists sadly are not as popular as they were in days gone by. This was very imaginative you placed us right in the middle of the action from the start, and even knowing what was going on you kept our interest to see what would happen next well done all the very best.
Paul
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This is fun, Erika, and your command of sentence structure and punctuation is impressive. Good job! - oce
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awesome
Wonderful plot and very well written. I wish I could see more of this, and continue to be absorbed by the rest. I hope you continue this story line
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16 old applause
