Erasmus’ friend, Cicero was running, chasing Erasmus who walked at quite a pace. They were coming home from the market. Cicero ran like an athlete. He slowed down as they came to a marble column, and leaned upon it, one hand holding onto Erasmus, one hand on his hip. 1
“I say, I’m not looking forward to learning tomorrow. All that structure, sitting there, doing so little.”2
Erasmus disagreed, “Yes, structure! So we won’t be bored. I won’t need to talk to you, you won’t need to ignore me.”3
“That’s not all we do. Think of checkers, wrestling, running,” Cicero loved playing games and was quite an athlete.4
“So you admit to ignoring me, your friend and neighbour?” asked Erasmus who longed for debate.5
Cicero ignored him.6
It was at that moment an Adonis, Jerom entered the courtyard. Men turned their heads. Jerom sauntered in. He was aware of his own importance, some would say too aware.7
“Erasmus, this is Jerom,” announced Cicero. Erasmus’ own muscles tensed, his heart beat faster and he felt a gripe in his stomach. How could he express himself to such an athlete? He seemed as strong as Hercules, and looked like a god in Erasmus’ eyes. 8
“…Hello”9
“Hello,” Jerom whispered, huskily. Erasmus was such a beauty. How did he know Cicero? How had Cicero kept Erasmus from him for all these years? “I went to Cicero’s old school, and I’m going to school with him tomorrow. Will you be there?”10
“Yes,” smiled Erasmus. So, Jerom would be there too! The education he looked forward to had just become all the more exciting.11
Author notes
Shame Storywrite doesn't have a historical section 
Please critique 
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Can you show the rest of this story?
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Looks good... I look forward to the next
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Very well done x x x
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Very Nice
Well Done, I would love to see more.... -
u have got some smart dialogue here. they all sound like such handsome and well-tailored young men...but then again- still waters run deep. good luck with this!
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This looks like the begining of a very good story, pozo. you've done very well with its structure and pulling the reader in. Your punctuation is good, expressivness and imagery are clear and enticing.
I did notice one spelling error...in this line...
"tensed, his heart beat faster and he felt a gripe in his stomach. How could" ...'gripe' should be 'grip', I believe.
Other than that I can see no problems. You've written this very well and I'm on my way to read chapter two which you just posted
Good job
luv and
Mum
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Ty,I enjoyed your story very much. I will be looking for more of it in the future.
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I am not a young adult so I dont completley understand it but I like It alot. I appauld you. Also I agree its a shame Storywrite doesn't have a historical section. I love history. oh yea I will bookmark this story!
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very good story
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i like the stroy i hope to see more of it
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