Application For Babysitting Job (Humour)

WE ARE A NEW COMPANY THAT GIVES BABYSITTERS TO PARENTS WHO ARE AFRAID TO WILLY NILLY ASK A NEIGHBOUR. GUARANTEED SAFETY AND ACCEPTANCE!!!1

APPLICATION FOR BABYSITTING JOB WORKING WITH CHILDREN IN EXMOUTH DEVON 2

ASSOCIATION FOR THE PROTECTION OF CHILDREN AND THE ELDERLY3

MALES AND FEMALES ALIKE, WITH NO CRIMINAL RECORD OR DRUG PROBLEMS. CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE, DO NOT DESTROY IT.4

PLEASE PUT ALL YOUR DETAILS IN - THEY ARE ESSENTIAL!!!5

Name: Trevour Standston6

Age: The stone age? That's what my dad says to me when I'm sat in front of the telly all day, says I'm bone idle or something 7

Sex: Oh yeah, I wouldn't mind some been a long while, you know...8

Sexual Preference: Females really, little girls between 10 - 15 are my favourite, but I'm not picky.9

Ambitions: To earn a living selling dope in the big apple10

Qualifications: I used to do a Sunday job at the local post office. But when I took that £50 note, they flipped on me - it was only a little bit of cash!11

PERSONAL INFORMATION12

Criminal Record: I have one, yes...13

History of violence: A LOT!!!14

Family situation: Yeah, there's always a situation in my family15

Past Relationships: One, but we didn't last long cuz I went into jail and she slept with my brother... Filthy pig!16

Personal Achievements: Oh, I won a dart competition once... Oh and I got 5 E's in my GCSE's!17

Personal Traits: Dirty, funny, sloppy, aggressive, junkie, tactful, horny, strong minded oh and I swear a lot... FUCK!18

Hobbies: I love the odd game of footie with my mates... like my odd shag here and there (preferably with a young virgin!) like go in to a footie match, like watching the telly, like taking dope, crack and magic M's (I like taking the females crack as well, but I meant the drug this time).19

WHY SHOULD YOU GET THIS JOB?20

The kid's have a fun time with me... I'm good with kids... I pay them to keep quiet. Besides, they like my petit amis. 21

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To: TrevLovesTitties88@hotmail.com23

From: applications@protect.children.com24

Subject: Accepted Application25

Mr Standson, we are pleased to announce your application has been accepted. We see no problem with your application and we are low on staff. If you are going to bribe the children make sure it's a lot, we could get sued. Start next week at PM.m, address at bottom of email. Good luck,26

The Manager27

246 Middleton28

Tornstone Road29

Exmouth30

Devon31

EX7 6AB32

Telephone: 01322 65466533

Fax: 01322 65466734

Other contact details:35

manager@protect.children.com - my direct email36

employeecare@protect.children.com - for advice or need of guidance37

Check out the official website38

www.protect-our-children.co.uk/help39