A Day in the Life of a Xilic Child: An Educational Diary Entry

Translation: Xilic to English1

A Day in the Life of a Xilic Child: An Educational Diary Entry2

*The purpose of this essay is to educate those who are not familiar with the planet Xil of the customs and lifestyles of the Xilic peoples.  It is a diary entry written by an actual Xilic girl named Twyla.  Twyla is 9 years old according to your system of time keeping.  We have translated this diary entry into your native language so you can read it and learn about our planet.  Its meaning has not been altered in this translation, as our language specialists are very competent and have grasped your simple language fairly quickly.  Everything in parentheses has been added by our translators to help you understand this diary entry better. 3

56 Tili, 789 (The Xilic calendar has 3 parts similar to months.  Each of these contains 61 periods of time similar to days.  789 is comparable to what you call years.  We have attempted to set up the date in way similar to your system of time notation.)4

Dear Idoya (goddess of journal-keeping),5

Today was just a normal day for me.  I woke up this morning to the giuth (Xilics have 7 senses.  Giuth is the seventh sense, and is a little like hearing with your tongue) of breakfast.  I did not want to wake up. As usual, I woke up anyway.  Everyone knows it is bad to not wake up on time.  Gervais (god of motivation) taught us all about that.  We can't achieve things when we are asleep.  Society needs us to be awake so we can work and make things better.  Society also needs us to sleep some so that we can work efficiently and maintain the highest level of happiness possible.  I don't know what that means, but that's what it says in the Dion (rule book of the gods and goddesses that governs all of Xilic society).  That's just what they make us memorize.  They say one day we'll understand.  I don't yet.  Nothing makes sense yet to me.  So anyway, I woke up and went to the breakfast room.  I put my breakfast into my wrist (Xilics eat by inserting a block of food-like substance into an area on the body that is similar to the human wrist) and gathered my things for school (school on Xil is where children learn about the Dion from birth until age 11, when they become working members of society).  I then went to school and stayed there until school was over.  There is not much to say about school.  Today I learned that Damer (god of life) says that it is wrong to want to die and that living a productive life is the only way to be a good person.  I also learned that Aylna (goddess of recreation) says that a good person should go home after work is over and blow bubbles, gif (an activity similar to knitting), or cut 4x4 yahk (about 4.34 centimeters) squares out of purple paper.  And of course we recited the most important rule of all before returning home so we would not forget. "Idoya says that all good people write in a public diary at the end of each day."  I am being a good person right now and writing in my diary.  When I am finished, I will close it and hear "Thank you, Twyla, for being a good person."  It always says that when I finish writing a diary entry.  One time I forgot to write one and I heard "Twyla, you are a very bad person today and you will be punished."  Then I felt something slice me in half.  It did not feel good, but after about 34 bifels (about 5 minutes) the two sides of my body reconnected.  It still hurt though.  They do not offer pain relievers for those who have been bad.  I have never forgotten to write a diary entry since then.  My punishment was not that bad though.  As I was returning home this evening, I saw a Level 6 (construction worker) being sliced into at least 100 pieces after he took an unauthorized drink of water during work.  I can't believe anyone would do such a thing.  Everyone knows that Thay (god of food and water) says that a good person never drinks water between water breaks.  He deserved to be punished.  Luckily I won't ever have to worry about that because I'm going to be a Level 2 (reproduction specialist - takes care of the Xil embryos from conception in the glass jars until birth in the plastic bottle) when I graduate from school.  I am in the Level 2 training program. I will get a water break every 54 lintins (about 3 hours).  The sleeping bell has just rung, so I must go to sleep now.  All good people go to sleep when the sleeping bell rings, as Trin (god of sleep) says. 6

With respect for the Dion,7

Twyla8

*Thank you for taking the time to learn about Xilic life.  We encourage you to use your new knowledge to improve your own planet.  The Xil appreciate your cooperation, and have an undefeatable fleet of ships with enough firepower to destroy any planet.  On the next page you will find instructions for changing your planet to the Xil way of life, and after that a copy of the Dion, which should be distributed to all intelligent life forms on the planet.  Please translate the Dion into all languages native to your planet.  We hope you will not neglect to do these things, as our ships often get bored and destroy planets when we don't watch them carefully enough.  Thank you.9