one second pt 2

You fear her words because you know they are true.  She cares for you, you don’t want to lost that.  The only thing you want is to let go and be free.  Though you lay next to her, wondering how far she’s willing to go for you.  The only thought you put on hold is the one you need most.  You blame yourself for all the horrible things you’ve did to people you love.1

You try to shove her away but she won’t leave your side.  You try to forget why you’re here but it doesn’t help.  You still feel trapped.  Lost, nowhere to go.  The guilty feeling on your chest, the never ending pain.  After the conversation, you feel no better, only worse.  But you go along with her, to make her feel better.  Her eyes fill with tears as she begins to cry, knowing the real reason you follow.2

You put your arm around her and you embrace for a few moments.  She licks you, your chin ticklish.  You laugh, the pressure relieving with each breath.  Ending a few minutes later, you end up on the floor, a tangle of arms, legs, and weird clothing.  As you untangle yourselves, you feel the blade hit your skin.  The cold steel draws blood, it trickles down your arm.  She glances at you, a tear in her eye.  You grab your arm, covering the cut quickly.  Blood seeps through your fingers, like water through paper.3

She yells, like it’s a big deal.  You just shush her and tell her to be quiet.  You concentrate on the facts.  She suggests going to your house to fix you up.  You think it over, not knowing what to do.  After a few moments You nod your head in agreement and start toward the door.4

She follows you, watching your every movement.  Opening the door, you look back.  You see the blade on the floor, the love of your life about to step on the upturned point.  You yell but she doesn’t stop.  Gathering up courage, you leap into the air and shove her out of the way.  She falls aside, looking to you with shock.  Not realizing what you have done, you try to avoid the knife.  But knowing the truth doesn’t help. 5

She runs to catch you but it’s too late.  The knife hits your skin like a wave of hot water.  You feel it burn, it slowly taking your life away.  The seconds tick by as you lay there. You feel her pull you up onto her lap.  You look at her, the cold licking up the rest of your life.  “Hurry,” you whisper, no longer wanting to die. 6

She cradles you in her arms as she pulls out her phone.  She dials 911, the only thing that can save you.  After a few minutes, she hangs up.  Blinded by tears, she picks you up and carries you out of the shelter.  Instant cold you feel as the rain pours down and the wind wails.  The return to your house is horrible.  It’s like the nightmare in your head only worse.  You try your hardest to stay conscious, helping her help you.  But it doesn’t work.  Slipping, falling, blood and tears everywhere.  7

By the time you get back home, the ambulance is waiting, searching for you, the patient.  Nearly dead, they load you onto the stretcher, fighting to save the last once of life in you.  She drives to the hospital and waits for you.  Anxious, she waits for hours on end until the doctor comes out.  Breathing for the first time, a sign escapes her lips.  8

She walks in to see you, clean and healthier then you looked a few hours ago.  You smile weakly, you strength not enough for much else.  She hugs you, her cuts showing again, revealing the nightmare that happened only a few hours ago.  You return her affection the best you can, wrapping only one arm around her.  The silence is unbearable, draining your last nerve. 9

You start conversation, hoping to break the unbearable silence.  You learn of her past, her horrible like before she met you.  All of her suicide attempts, wrong doings and much more.  She presses you to get help, the only hope she has.  You deserve better, a better home, life, and family.  It only makes you feel worse.  She points out your bad home life, the treatment you get.  10

You blame yourself for making her be there.  For loving her then hurting her.  It just makes you feel sick.  All the bruises from you parts, the constant yelling and blaming you get.  By time you are ready to fall asleep, you put your life in her hands.  You let her make the decisions and let her handle some of your pain.  You promise things you know that won’t happen but you’ll try.  11

You chat for awhile, you hoping to sleep for awhile.  She lays in your room all night, keeping watch over you.  A mountain of exhaustion hits you as you fall asleep.  It’s a nightmare inside you head, keeping you from feeling fully recovered.  Mourning rays shine in the window, slowly waking you from your slumber.  12

She’s still there when you open your eyes.  Hugging you, she smiles.  Though you are pale and cold, you return her affection.  The doctor enters, surprised to see she spent the night.  He checks you over then leaves.  You look at her, starring into her many shaded eyes and multicolored hair.  You remember the times when she was in the hospital and you where standing over her.  You’re amazed to find out how much you’ve changed.  Only hours ago did you want it to be all over.  You smile, something once so hard to do.13

Not all points will go to you.  Not all the shots you will call.  If in the end you find yourself in fear, take a moment and relax.  You just might find the answer you are looking for.  One second and it could be all over.  The truth is, you only live until your next breath.  And you don’t always know when that is.  In one second, you could be changed forever.  One second.14