Gwen's story: it was her only option

Gwen glanced at the clock.  It was time.  With a quick glance at Chris for support, she walked into the bathroom, where she pulled the little plastic stick out of the cup.  One blue line.  1

“Chris,” she said weakly as she walked back into her bedroom, staring at the stick.  “Th-the box.  What does it say, I mean, what does it look like if I am... you know... pregnant.”  She bit her lip uncertainly.  2

Chris ran a hand through his black hair and picked the box back up.  “Um, here it says that it will be one blue line.” 3

“Oh.”  The color drained from Gwen’s face as she shakily sat down next to him.  “Here.”  She held out the test out to him.  4

One glance told him everything he needed to know.  Gwen was pregnant.  5

“So now what?”  She asked quietly from the bed. 6

“What do you mean ‘now what?’ what do you think?  That I can just throw away my scholarship to Penn State?  That I should forget about my football dreams and ambitions because you forgot to take the pill?!”  He stood up and paced the room angrily.  7

“I did.  I took the pill Chris.  But it’s not completely effective…”  8

“Yes, that’s for damn sure!”9

“Please don’t yell.  My mom will hear you.” Gwen’s bottom lip trembled. She took a shaky breath, struggling to hold back her tears, but they came anyway.10

Chris looked up.  “Oh, don’t cry Gwennie.”  He sat down next to her, wrapping his arm around her instinctively.  “I’m sorry I yelled… But I was just upset.  This is so… unexpected.”11

Gwen sobbed into his shoulder.  “W-what do you want to do about it.”12

Chris ran his hand through his hair again, and let out a deep sigh.  “I don’t know.  We’ll figure it out.  We always do.”  13

“W-what about M-mom?”  14

“What about her?  I don’t think we should tell her if that’s what you mean.  At least not until we know what we are going to do.  Maybe not even then.”  15

“Not tell her?  That might work for a while, but not forever…”16

“I’ll figure it out, but right now I’ve got to go to work love.  Here, I’ll get rid of this, and I’ll come back here tonight.  We’ll figure this out.”  He kissed her temple.  17

“Bye.”  She said glumly as he walked over to her bedroom door.  18

“I love you girl.”  He smiled at her.  It was the same smile that had made her fall in love with him.  She had to smile back. 19

“I love you too.”20

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It was seven that night when Chris came back.  He found Gwen in her bedroom, puffy eyed and curled up on her bed.  22

“Hey.” He sat next to her, putting a brochure in her hand.  23

Sitting up, she read the title: Planned Parenthood; Making the right decision.  She opened it up, and gasped.  24

“Abortion?”  She looked up at Chris, her blue eyes wide.  25

“Yes.  Listen Gwen, it’s our best option, our only option.”  26

“But, Chris.  That’s murder.  Can’t we just put it up for adoption?”27

“I thought of that love,” he tucked a strand of her blond hair back behind her ear, so that it wasn’t hanging in her face.  “But there are all these risks, a lot of people who are fifteen die giving birth.  That doesn’t happen in abortion.  I talked to the lady there, and she said that it was virtually painless, and you can go home that same day.  We wouldn’t even have to tell our parents, or anyone else.  It could just be our secret.”28

“But abortion?” She bit her lip.  “It just doesn’t seem right…” 29

“Everyone is doing it now adays, it’s not bad.  It’s for people like us, who get an unexpected pregnancy and can’t keep the baby.  Besides, this is the best way.  Your mom would freak out; I mean your Dad’s the pastor for Christ’s sake!  How would that make the people of the church look at him?”30

People of the church weren’t supposed to judge, but they did, and Gwen knew that.  She didn’t want her Dad to have to go through that, not because of her stupidity.  She knew what she had to do.  31

“O.k.”  Her voice shook as she replied.  “I’ll… we’ll do it.  When?”32

Chris smiled at her and hugged her.  “I knew you would know what was best!”  He kissed her forehead.  “I made us an appointment for next week.  We’ll just go in, and they’ll do it, that’s it.  No harm done.” 33

Tears gathered in Gwen’s eyes.  “Yea, no harm done.” She said weakly.  “But what if this happens again?”34

“It won’t.”  Chris assured her.  “We’ll be more careful.”  35

She nodded dumbly, rubbing her hand over her abdomen.  36

“Well pumpkin, I have to go, but I’ll see you soon.”  He kissed her quickly and walked out of the room, leaving her alone in her thoughts. 37

She looked around at her walls.  They were pink, the color that she’d begged for as a little girl.  There were trophies from soccer and camp and cheer leading lining the walls.  She choked back tears.  Those were all things that her baby was never going to have.  She rubbed her stomach soothingly.  Two months.  That’s how long she’d been carrying around this child.  It was a part of her.  As much as her arms or her legs.  And she was just going to let them take it out of her.  She couldn’t let it happen.  This wasn’t happening, but what would happen if she didn’t.  That was harder to think of.  She knew what was right.  Quietly she reached over to turn off her lamp and pulled the covers up to her chin.  For the first time in her life, she didn’t pray.  She felt like she was unworthy of God’s time, instead she cried herself to sleep.  38

The first thing that Gwen noticed about the Planned Parenthood office was how clean it was.  Somehow that put her at ease.  For the past few days she’d been picturing some dirty back ally with dirty knives and a greasy surgeon.  She signed in and sat down with Chris, holding his hand for support.  She was so lucky to have him.  Most guys would have dropped her when they got the test, maybe before that.  But he really loved her.  He was here with her.  He was always going to be there for her.  She just knew it, and somehow that, too, eased her conscience about the abortion.  She was just beginning to feel relaxed when the door opened and her name was called.  39

“Gwen McCann?  Are you Gwen McCann dear?”  The nurse looked at her as she stood in front of her.  40

Gwen nodded, squeezing Chris’s hand. 41

The nurse smiled.  “Well, come one dearie, right this way.” She led them into a small room with an examining table and a counter with various tools scattered on its surface, “Your Doctor is Dr. Winsbirth.  He’ll be in here in just a minute.”   The nurse smiled and shut the door behind her as she left.42

“It’s a guy?”  Gwen looked at Chris uncertainly. 43

“I guess.  It’ll be fine.”  He looked at her sternly.  “Just don’t go whining about it.” 44

She gulped.  “What’s wrong Chris?  I thought that this was what you wanted?”45

He rolled his eyes.  “Yes, of course this is what I want.  Listen, it’s just doctors’ offices.  They make me nervous.  I can’t stay.  I’ll… see you around…”  He looked at her uncertainly.46

“What do you mean ‘see me around’?”  Gwen asked, her eyes wide.  47

“Look, I put a lot of thought into this, and you were right, what if this happens again?  I can’t risk it.  I mean, I’m eighteen; I could get rape laid on me if anyone found out about this.  So, maybe I figured that we could take care of our mistake, and… you know, break up.”  48

“What!?”  Gwen asked, tears forming in her eyes.  49

“You didn’t really think that I would be with you forever, did you?  I mean, I got you this far, I figured that’s my duty, and now it’s done.  I have a future kid, I can’t risk any of this.”  50

“Kid?”  She said incredulously, “Kid? You didn’t think I was such a kid when you got me pregnant!”  51

“Yea, well, I never expected this to happen, or I would have never even talked to you that day.  I mean, I just thought we could have a little fun, but that’s over now.  I see what happens when I have a little fun, so I’ve learned.  It’s over.” 52

The doctor walked in.  “Oh, hello.  I assume you are the father?”  53

Chris nodded.  “Yea, but I was just leaving.” 54

The doctor looked confused, but stepped aside to let him out.  “Well, Miss McCann, lets have a look, shall we?”55

Gwen swiped at the mixture of angry and sad tears, as she sat back, allowing the doctor to place her feet in the stirrups.  She was so scared, and so alone.  Suddenly, she couldn’t remember why she was even there.  She closed her eyes as the tears ran down her face.  Chris was wrong, this hurt a lot, it hurt her heart.  56

“There you go.  We’re all done now Miss McCann, if you’d just sign here.”  The doctor held up a piece of paper and a pen.  57

“What’s this?”  Gwen asked, her voice hollow and hoarse.  58

“Oh, nothing, just a little formality, I wouldn’t worry about it.”59

“Oh,” She signed it, and watched the doctor put it in an envelope.  “You can just get dressed now, and leave.  You may have some soreness for about a week, but take some aspirin, you’ll be fine.”  60

Gwen watched the doctor walk out of the room, and fell apart.  She sobbed and held onto her stomach.  She felt so guilty; her baby was dead.  How was she going to be able to hide that?  Shaking, she stood and dressed, wanting to get out of the clean office as quickly as possible, hoping that her memories would stay there, along with her guilt.61