Staring at the moonlight glare1
Running my fingers through her hair2
As we lay upoun the beach3
Our Hearts are longing to reach4
Never knew this moment would come5
Life seems to be getting fun6
Never knew I would be in love7
The moon shines on her as it would a precious dove8
the sun is starting to come up9
Oh how I wish this moment wasn't up!10
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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Awww, sweet and beautiful.
I love it. It was such a romantic little piece and I found myself awwing throught it. Great job and keep writing! -
For me the worst thing about the word, "dove" is simply that it is an trite way to express an emotion.
It was a pleasant poem to read because it reminded me that young or old, those same desires to be with the one we love remains the same. We may age but love does not.
Thanks for entering the contest.
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Thanks for the compliments...! Yeah i would agree that I was trying to hard and the dove thing..yeah...it sounded right as it was being typed but after going back and looking at it, i see how its not that great! But thanks a lot!
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Your poem has a soft feel on it, and you show quite lovely imageries here.
Most of the rhymes worked well, but I felt that at some point you tried too hard to rhyme and lost the flow, as in
Never knew I would be in love
The moon shines on her as it would a precious dove
There it seems that the word dove came just for the sake of rhyming.
In anyevent, a lovely short poem and I thank you for bringing it to us
All the luck with everything you do.
Mari
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