To Whom It May Concern: The Reality

To whom it may concern,1

Hi.  I used that as the greeting, because I don't know if I really know you, Michelle.  I wanted to know you.  I still do.  I loved you.  I still do. But, the pain is still there. I mean, I gave you that rose on Tuesday, and you didn't blow me off.  You smiled and hugged me.  You seemed like you had returned the feelings. On Wednesday, you made sure I was going over to Casey's.  That was the greatest feeling in the world. I thought you wanted me there. Then when you played video games, you leaned against me the whole time. Your body was so warm.  On Thursday, you gave me that card.  That card that sealed the deal in my mind. You drew a rose in it. You had returned my feelings. On Friday, we sat together in the van, and Ben's little sister curiously asked us those questions. I thought at that moment that I didn't care as long as you liked me back.  Then on that cold walk in Hickory Hills, I wanted to hug you, but my world toppled. You shot a arrow through my heart.  You put me on a list with Josh and Matt (two people I knew you had rejected). I was mortified. I was hurt.  I wanted to hold you, but it felt wrong. We talked about it, but I wanted to tell you something at Casey's, but despite my feelings, you just kept playing that damn video game. You just kept going.  It's like you saw a car wreck, but you just kept driving, not even noticing the burning bodies. You were exactly the same, and I was holding back tears.2

I wanted to tell you I'd always be there.  I wanted to tell you I was hurt, but I wouldn't chase you. I wanted to tell you I'd wait. But, you left.  I wanted to follow you up the stairs and yell. I wanted you to hurt as much as I did.  But, that'd be silly. It wasn't your fault I fell for you. 3

I know you don't care. I know you don't, but I really did feel something for you.  I really did love you.  4

Ronnie told me that you had a conversation with her on dating.  I now know that I didn't get to know the real Michelle. I now know that I don't know who I fell in love with. 5

Yes, I wish that you'd date me, but I also don't want to talk to you. It's a weird feeling.  This is why I took the cowardly way, and wrote you a letter.  I don't hate you, but I don't know what to feel.  6

Josh told me that you said you'd date him when he graduated. 7

I became loaded with this information that Friday night, and I've been in this state of unreality ever since. Like, I'm suspended in nowhere.  You did something to me, but I don't know what...8

Anyway, just write me back. Be yourself.9

With Love,10

Chance11