Pissing in the wind Chapter2 or 3

James and Shirley1

At eleven the next morning everyone was ready to go, after a nice breakfast at Denny’s we pooled our money.  Mike gathered up eight hundred dollars for his car. John and I scrounged around and came up with a good sum of three hundred. Janet and Val managed to get String cheese tickets For Boulder and Kansas city.  Claypool tickets for Des Moines and a Phil ticket for me when we got to Cheyenne. Sentimental reasons. We all shared waffles and pancakes and took advantage of their free coffee by quietly filling up thermoses. Then we piled into the old 89 Dodge and sputtered off West. The van must have had some kind of kindred animal spirit, or it must have been the crystal Mike brought, but we didn’t stop for gas the whole way. Untill Davenport that is. A good one-hundred and fifty miles. We filled the beast up for fifty dollars and roared off in a cloud of  bitter smoke. Besides the tickets Val and Janet had acquired some recreational tools as well. We all shot a load of crystal meth  and continued our trip. I was driving and Janet sat next to me, staring at my face, she liked to watch my facial expressions she explained.2

“Ah, I see.” I murmured and furrowed my brow then grinned a grin too big for my face, followed by  a characture frown. I was teasing her and she shrieked with laughter. I kept staring at things like the white lines on the side of the road and I’d be so concentrated that I wouldn’t notice it moving to the center of the road. I think I was still the best driver under the influence. Mike sat back and counted his freckles, every time he got another hundred he’d shout it out. “500, 600, 800.” And so on until he got to five thousand. I don’t think he had five-thousand freckles I think he started to count his hair or something. Val was furiously playing games on the laptop that Mark had left me, or she’d be reading my poetry, shouting out phrases she thought were dumb or liked or simply didn’t understand. John and Janet fiddled with the stereo. It was an old van but Mark had the sound system installed that was amazingly beautiful. I wasn’t paying much attention the music however I don’t think anyone was. Not until our high came down and “when the circus comes to town started playing.” And Trey made love to his guitar.3

I was falling asleep at the wheel. It happens every time I drive more than six hours I don’t know why. I think it’s because I don’t swivel my head around enough. It didn’t matter anyway because we were in Des Moines. The show was in three hours. I think I needed Claypool more than anything right then. Playing the funkiest bass around. We all took another shot and blasted off like rockets into the crowd already mulling about. We wandered the lonely streets of Des Moines and I tried to go to the traintracks with Valerie but they were fenced off, “There’s Karouac for you.”  I muttered. I rolled a cigarette and spat at the ground in disgust. Forty-five minutes till show time. The lot was packed. I’d never seen Claypool like this. It wasn’t just him he was playing with Buckethead too. I mingled around and soon found out it was mostly kids like us. Des Moines was a stop on most peoples lists. Where was everyone heading? What trials and adventure lay in store for the individuals wandering around us. Some had that gleam in their eyes that screamed they new what they were doing…..running head first into the unknown. Some people were going east to go see Panic and some for String Cheese. The 35 runs through Des Moines and some wanted to go to Kansas city to see how Phil tour would pan out. Most of us were heading West however. So I knew the trip would be filled with car hopping and rest areas filled with colorful bumberstickers. Disco biscuits songs filled the air for this was the last stop for Conl. Claypool and his Bucket of Bernie Brains tour and the first stop for the bisco kids. Their show would start tomorrow. Amy would meet us in Albuquerque. 4

“Where’s Vanessa?” everyone asked me. They had heard of this mysterious girlfriend of mine for months but no one had met her. People wanted to know what I was like.  Someone was always trying to get me to meet so-and-so and was always disappointed. For a while there, rumor had it that I was gay and that started a whole new world of “Hey I want you to meet So-and-So.” But it was eventually realized that I was alone on tour and it was excepted that I would stay Asexual. I was happy that way. I missed Vanessa and wished she’d join me on these little mis-adventures I had, but she never did. I promised everyone they’d get to meet her. I knew in my heart they probably wouldn’t, I felt she didn’t really care about what I did with my life and couldn’t see us together in twenty years. It disappointed me but I just repressed it like I do all bad feelings and went on living my life.5

After the show we bought eight grams of opium and picked up James, a brilliant civilian kid of twenty-five from Brooklyn. The kid was gorgeous and Val fawned all over him. Until he started talking that is. Man that kid could make money, he boarded us with a cool grand in his pocket and compared with our measly four hundred it helped us out quite a bit. And that was between all of us.  James had spent most of the summer in Kansas City being strung out, homeless and basically miserable. He had finally gotten off his ass and started to hitchhike to Cheyenne to see his girlfriend. He had a quick wit and was sharp as hell, although he was a guy’s guy he and I were completely compatible. He was kind of a ladies man and I could just see him looking at a beautiful girl and sayin “How you doin?” He was confident and cocky and took  my ragging just as easily as he could dish out insults.  I looked up to his cocky arrogance that surpassed mine by leagues and he put my genuine interest in things up on a pedestal.6

Mike had eaten too much acid earlier and caught a flight to Oregon to live with some friends. Janet was with him the entire time and was tried to calm him. Noone around tried to help and just walked by sending bad vibes to him. She told us how everyone was real negative to him and how he wouldn’t stop shaking. He kept muttering how life is pointless and how we all end up with brown shrivily auras. And how all the terrible things he’d done in life were coming back. I didn’t really care, he was kind of a dick. He didn’t fit into my plans and I was glad to be rid of him. Maybe a few years in a crueler environment would set his brain right. So there we were exchanging one passenger for a friend. John listened to James with big eyes and the only one wary of him was Janet, probably because she dislikes the whole macho Cecilian thing. He even had the Brooklyn accent. It was priceless and I loved him like a brother instantly.7

James and I sat in front and told jokes and laughed all night. He ended up being my best friend, we shot coke all night and sped down the highway with out thinking about  what lay ahead. It felt good not being the only junky in the group. We listened to Bob Marley and traded stories about friends and traveling. He told me about his Girlfriend back home in Cheyenne and I told him all about my girl Vanessa who probably hated me for leaving. We smoked opium and traded dead Baby Jokes while green signs flew by like dreams we couldn’t quite grasp.8

We had been driving for about four days stopping for gas and piss breaks, no one had eaten in about five days due to all the coke and speed, so they all smoked a joint and we went into a small diner. We must have been one hell of a sight, all scrawny and bleary eyed.  Stumbling through the doors in a daze.9

“Joel!!” someone screamed “What in all hell are you doing here in Kimball?” I turned to see Shirly, a mother of my friend Frank. I met her when I was hitchhiking in Nebraska and she was driving home. Frank was a tour kid I’d met only through her. She ran over and swept me up in her loving arms, that  only a mother could have, and kissed me all over. Shirley was about fifty and she had the most horrible mouth on her. She proved this by crying out “Look atcha damned self haven’t eaten in a week I s’pose, Why you rotten little fuck in a fuck garden. Why on earth you don’t take better care of yournself I don’t care to understand, You followin one a them bands aintchoo? I wouldn’t give them the juice from my cunt if I had VD even if they begged me.” I mumbled a yes ma’am and introduced my acclompices, her big red face and curly red hair shook up and down as her hands pumped furiously while crushing everyone else’s fingers. She reconsidered and embraced them all in one of her huge bear hugs.10

Sit, now. Okay I’m gonna cook y’all food. Who's vegan? No one? vegetarian? Good then the bacons gonna fly tonight. When she hustled to the kitchen my friends all looked at me suspiciously and I swore it was all a coincidence. Janet didn’t believe in them and proclaimed it real loud. Karma and God were somewhere in her rantings but I didn’t listen too hard I was busy looking around. Normally in a town like Kimball people like us would be looked at with suspicion but since we were Shirly’s guests, everyone warmed up top us immediately. Tables were scrunched together to make a big feast. Val and I got up while everyone got aquainted and traded jokes. We walked back to the kitchen, Val cooked eggs and omelets while I did dishes. Shirley started to protest but Val gave her a look that made her realize nothing she could say would stop us from helping. Besides we had only eighty dollars between us and this meal was at least sixty. While we ate Shirley introduced me to her waitresses, some were only sixteen they stood in front of me like cattle but they were used to Shirley and were only slightly embarrassed. 11

“Now Natalie,” she would say “Plays the piano and likes to read Ann Rice novels.” I’d apologize and explain to them how I was currently engaged to a mountain goddess from the East. I don’t think the girls took it too seriously. “Now child,” Shirley began talking to Janet in a tone that spoke strictly  woman to woman. “I’m leaving you in charge of these three. Get them to calm down and settle in. Especially this one.” She motioned to John. “He’s way too young to get caught in men’s womanizing ways. He’ll end up with no respect fer wimin and never git married and then where would we be. A world with no more Johns. James and I were in stitches with laughter. Every time we looked at each other we’d bust up all over again. 12

“Now boys this is serious.” Val said with her hands on her hips. “ She’s right, what kind of example are you showing poor John.” 13

“John.” I said through my fingers. I was struggling to control myself, “I’m going to turn you into a goddamn machine.” 14

Yeah we’ll make it so you’ll fuck anything with dreadlocks.” James was banging his fist on the table, “And anything with hairy armpits and legs.”15

“Stop, my stomach.” I was doubled over and tears were running down my cheeks. John just grinned shyly and turned bright red which made all the guys in the diner scream with laughter. 16

After some amazing strawberry-rhubarb pie we all ran into the kitchen and did everyone’s dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. Soon we were on our way. Everyone but me and Val climbed into the back and slept for about twelve hours. I drove the first six and Val brought up the rear.17

Dancing Aliens18

We rolled into Denver and meandered down it’s busy streets. Parking at Auraria campus in a darkly secluded lot that we hopped would cover us if any security guards happened by.19

And so we walked towards the only direction that seemed plausible to us, towards two giant dancing aliens. The two pure white structures, big as a two story suburban house stood poised in a forever dance of love. Arms raised and legs kicking the air they danced to techno chanting. It floated lazily out of the speakers surrounding their feet. We lay in  the grass for a while and listened to the haunting music. It was so eerie. After a moment or two of silence we stood up and started to walk to the heart of the city. Towards the skyscrapers. We ended up on the Sixteenth Street Mall. Only busses stopping at every block and police cars cruised the street. Shoppers and beggars lined the streets in the whole sad way that is Denver, it was so lonely, I smiled and walked on loving everything. Taking it all into perspective. There were silvermen and robot men, junkies just askin for change, musicians were everywhere. There was a man with a mouse on a leash sitting on a cat on a leash who in turn sat on the back of a dog, they walked around collecting money from people as their tricks were performed over and over again. Hondurans selling coke and dope lined the streets. They wandered up and down sidestreets looking shady and all you needed was a whistle and a nod and you were in. The dope was crap, as it usually is on the street, it was cut with Coca-Cola and shoe-polish. “Imagine shooting that into your veins,” said James. So we all bought a piece for three dollars a hit and continued on our way. Junkies were everywhere and we were greeted instantly buy friendlies. Gutter punks and train hoppers lay on benches and begged with fishing poles or sighns that read “Need money for bullets, I want to kill my boss.” And so on.  We met a girl named Blue, a cute Brown haired dready girl and a big star tattoo between her breasts. James fell for it instantly. “Nice tattoo.” She looked at him and smiled. The sweetest, most innocent smile I’ve ever seen anyone give. “Yeah, well I got two more a little lower if you wanna see ‘em.” 20

“Sure.”  She put her hands level with her breasts and flipped up both her middle fingers. Clad in blue star tattoos. Val laughed and gave her a hug and told her someone needed to do that. Blue walked around with us telling us about the city, where we could sleep where we should stay away from and on we walked. She was so beautiful and I took to her instantly.  She was eighteen and I was infatuated. Like a little boy with a schoolboy crush. Before long we had decided to stay for a while and make a little money, besides, The August west Band was playing the next night and we couldn’t very well miss a show in the city that is the gateway to the west. So we split up,Blue assured us if we could hustle that there was a lot of money to be made, and if we were thieves, well, the possibilities were endless. We all split up, James to hustle and John and I in search for parking boxes. Val and Janet ran to get the van and see what they could rustle up. Planning to meet in a few hours, we set off to work.21

Every city has parking lots, and no one wants to employ someone for twenty-four hours a day so there are boxes set up, You take a numbered paper and put it into the box with your money, then park in the numbered spot. With a little finesse you could worm out the bills, providing you had the right tools that is. Blue informed us that Denver had passed a law enabling police to arrest you if they just found the tools on you. A felony charge would be brought against you. I was wary and so was John he thought of just going to restaurants and picking up the checks from tables, but that would be our last resort. In two hours of trading off being lookout and boxer we had almost two hundred dollars and we headed back to base camp on Champa street.  James had collected a cool one fifty and the girls were waiting for us when we came back with a nice surprise.  Janet was jumping up and down with excitement, and Val could hardly contain herself. They led us to the Van parked about ten minutes away and pulled open the doors, there they were, tucked in blankets like two babies, were a couple of nitrous tanks. I leapt into the air and James fell to his knees laughing. We were set, no more struggling for money for a long time. They told us the story of how they were at a red light behind a truck carrying these and without a word Val  jumped out and grabbed one, when she got to the van the doors were wide open and Janet was bringing up the rear with another. They got back into the car and the light turned green. “He never knew what hit ‘im by the time he realizes they’re missing, we’ll be rolling in money with blue lips and glazed eyes. John was deep in thought and turned to us and told us about these little plastic devices we could attach to the balloons after filling them up making it impossible for gas to escape until you pushed the valve. That was genius, this way we could fill up in the van and walk around lot without having to move a big tank every five minutes. “They sell ‘em at Wal-Mart for like three hundred in a bag for about a buck fifty.” 22

We all ate some burgers at McDonalds and went to Wal-Mart in Littleton. That was creepy, the air of Columbine still hung over the city in a weird mist and you could smell anguish in the air. We parked in the lot anyway that night, and slept soundly. The air was warm with just a bit of crispy autumn, I didn’t get chilly until about four Am. So I just spooned up with Val who was shivering pretty bad, and in a couple minutes she warmed up and sighed and I fell asleep holding her hand and rubbing her stomach lightly with my thumb. 23

The next morning we drove back to Denver taking big hits of hippycrack and laughing hysterically.  Chemists had been doing this for hundreds of years but I doubt they’d foreseen a bunch of dirty white kids driving down Colorado highways with blue lips passing out while driving.  I ran back downtown to fine Blue, I was obsessed and had to see her. Naked  preferably. I wanted to hold her in my arms late at night and stare at different skies with her. I knew she wouldn’t come with me but I figured she wouldn’t say no to a little escapade with me before I left town. We’d be back I knew, we had talked about it over breakfast and figured this would be a good homebase between shows. But I hadn’t slept with anyone for a long time and surprisingly this was the first girl that actually caught my interest. I found her at a payphone ordering dope from a “Pager Dealer.” These were the guys with good dope and all you had to do call them up and they’d drive down and meet you. So the two of us set off a couple blocks down so we could pick up. When they arrived they were all sketched out by me but I showed them my track marks and took out my dirty needles and the driver warmed up to me instantly, I spent about a hundred dollars on  five bags of dope and two bags of coke. They were wrapped in balloons orange for “cheeva” and white for “coka.”  “Negra and Blanka.” Blue told me her name was Vanessa and I was floored, the only girl I wanted to sleep with named Nessa and she had dreadlocks. “I’m kinda fucked up”, I thought to myself, “Oh well.”24

I was smiling belligerently inside myself when she told me about her boyfriend. It was just getting more interesting and I knew was never going to give up pursuing this girl. She didn’t mind. I think, I’m usually oblivious to these things but when she called me foxy it was the last straw. Foxy!! That was my word, all the electric impulses were telling me to jump on this girl and make love to her for hours. She didn’t mind.  My ego was thoroughly stroked and I ran back to my band of miscreants.  Val was giving me a disgusted look and James was laughing heartily when I told them what happened. We all climbed into the van and got ready for the show. James and I got well, and we all shot some coke. And so, the night began. We walked up  Colfax Ave, a big fuckin Hill. Black people were everywhere selling crack on the corners and women walked against the traffic waving at cars. Blue was obsessed with not walking on the outside of the sidewalk and since I incessantly swerve while I walk she kept having to switch places with me. 25

“Back in the day when Denver was a cowboy town, gentlemen walked on the outside so a lady wouldn’t get shit all over her from covered wagons. The best way to sell your body is to walk on the outside and wave to cars going by. This fuckin…..tradition is still going on. So cops WILL stop you if you’re a chick and walking like a whore. Especially with a bunch of guys.” She told me all that and I tried hard to be a gentleman but I guess it isn’t in me. We got to Dulcina’s a jamband bar and walked in to see the show. It was five bucks and I whipped out the cash for everyone plus an extra twenty to let John and Blue in because they were under twenty-one.26

I was too, but no on has carded me in over four years and this was no exception, they didn't even ask me for ID and just let me walk right in. The August West Band was a Dead cover band and they paid damn good tribute to Jerry, they played an unbelievable set, busting out with St. Stephen and jamming right into Sunshine daydream. I don’t think the Dead ever even did that. I danced my ass off and met dozens of fantastic people. The Filmore was right next door and a police station lay silently behind it. Blue told me about the store next to the police, an AIDES place, but the pharmacy inside sold clean needles for only a quarter, I promised myself to stock up the next day. Ours were so bent and dull you had to almost grab the point with your fist and ram it into a vein. It was kind of scary. By the end of the night I was so beat and just wanted to sleep. Blue, or Vanessa had to go find her boyfriend and waltzed off, the rest of us went next door to yet another hippy bar named Sanchos Broken Arrow and had a couple of drinks. James was getting shitfaced and desperately tried to get laid. One chick around twenty-five or so hung around and talked to him for a bit. Me and John were sitting with him and some newly acquired friends we’d made at the show and we all enjoyed James making a fool of himself.  He’s got a tendency to repeat words when he’s lying and it turned into a great show. “What do I do? Well it’s funny you should ask that because I’m a writer. I’m a writer. A writer.” John was grinning watching it all. 27

“Why is that funny?, I would ask you what you do too, if I just met you.” James turned to him and in a loud whispered proclaimed that he should “shut the fuck up.” I was shaking so hard. Laughing into my ginger ale and slapping my knee as indiscreetly as possible. 28

“Is he alright?” The girl asked me after James left to go throw a song on the jukebox. 29

“Yeah he’s fine. A sensible fellow. My best friend.” John was howling with laughter by this time and everyone else could hardly control themselves. 30

“So what kind of writing do you do?” She asked him.31

“Poet, Baby. I’m a wandering poet.” 32

“Are all you guys poets?” 33

Everyone at the table concurred in a unanimous voice.34

“Not me.” I said “I’m a lawyer. I’ve got a small practice in Maryland, I’m only here visiting these guys for vacation.” James turned towards me and said35

“That, sir, is a bold faced lie!!” We all roared off again and left James to his own demise. I mingled with the crowd and soon found Val and Janet talking with a bunch of college kids. When I told them what was going on they went over to help him out but he was gone. 36

“Your buddy just left with that chick he was talking to.” Some guy spoke up when we asked around. So James really was getting laid. We knew he’d be back so everyone ordered some more drinks and just hung out. We talked about where to go next. Val said James had to go to Cheyenne to see his girlfriend so that should be our next stop. After about a half hour James came staggering back in. The girl was nowhere to be seen. 37

“Wheeoo the things that girl can do!” He yelled into my face. I helped him on his feet and we all paid the tab and left. Janet was pretty drunk and had gotten a bunch of numbers. Val was all pissed off about something and didn'’ say much until we got to the van. Then she busted out with a lot of scolding for me and James. I didn’t really listen. She makes almost no sense when she’s drunk and it had a lot to do with lying to women to get them into bed. I tried to say I don’t lie to get fucked and it’s always conceptual. James just laughed and said the girl raped him. 38

“I tried to say…………. no, but, she wouldn’t listen to a wordadamn I said. Before Ize knew it my clothes were gone and I was under her in her car. I feel so violated.” Then he looked at me and winked, a huge mocking wink. “Never fucked a girl in a car man…..It was weird there’s like no room to move around.”  39

“Yeah.” I muttered “She was kind of goodlookin.”40

“Good lookin? Good lookin? She was fuckin’ atrocious, I don’t know why you guys talked me into her, I’ll never forgive you John.” 41

John sputtered out senseless gibberish trying to defend himself and I just laughed and curled up ready to sleep on the floor. Everyone calmed down and talk died out. When everyone was silent and breathing was regular Val crept over to me and laid down beside me. She muttered an apology and I accepted, giving her a nudge with my foot. We curled up together and after a nice belly-rub on Val’s part, I fell asleep.42