Reasons to live

The symptoms of a road trip.1

Today was intoxicating. The kind of day where the fresh air and the bright sun give us goosebumps and all we want to do is hit the open road. With all four windows down we drove into the efflorescence. Our voices were intermingled with the cries of the staticy radio; eventually we switched to CD. It was bliss. It seemed as if a whole world of opportunities had opened up before us. We sang. Breathing in the warm air, all we could think about was how happy we were, a feeling quite unconnected with the events of our lives. We had shed that. It was far away back in the places we called home.2

Eventually someone begins the game. Flashing. We giggle and it is almost as if we are sixteen again, out for the first time in our new car. We make eyes at the cuter drivers; they show us glorious displays of speed. We laugh. What they think will impress us . . . tsk, tsk, if only they had a clue. 3

We talk about our dreams and goals, but the subject matter is too heavy so we talk about our fantasies and our secrets. We reveal much, but never our souls. Not even the sunny atmosphere could pry that from us. We stop at a mini mart for provisions; the soda, the chocolate and a tampon. We flirt with the salesclerk, but he is old and we are not. We switch drivers. 4

We are winding away from civilization. Fields, flowers, foliage. More beautiful than any face. Talk turns to stories, stories turn to boredom. We rest at a stop. We call it the destination. We frolic in a stream. The sun dries the water as we lay on some large flat rocks. We talk about boys, we talk about girls, we talk about love. Beautiful ribbons of affairs of crushes. The intricacy of the human heart; the connection between living and loving. A stones throw from pain, but today we are optimistic. Maybe it is the sunshine or the fresh air or the unequivocal feeling of freedom we have experienced on our drive, but our hearts seem to be overflowing with good natured thoughts.5

Now dry, we make the hike back to the car. It’s sweltering so we leave our clothes off. The venture back is less eventful due to the sinking sun and the ebbing glory. Foreplay. Headlights broken and missing become new weapons. This provides the entertainment we need to keep awake. It becomes a rigorous battle. The air is chilly so we roll up the windows. Green signs fly past warning us of the day’s end.6

In the shadow of our problems we sigh. The sunshine had provided us an exit, but the door had merely led back to the room we began in. Our only chance is to take another drink.7