Yellow Tulips

I stared in absolute awe, wondering how it was possible to feel this way. All the noises echoing in the room seemed so far away and I hardly acknowledged the other people in the room. It was a world made for two and only two. 1

She was incredibly beautiful and she was all mine. She was everything that was me and she could be the entire world. She yawned in her deep slumber, oblivious to the chaos occurring around her. She had a bit of brown fuzz on her soft, tiny head and her eyes, though they were closed at the moment, werwe already a magnificent shade of brown. Her small body fit perfectly in the curve of my arm. I reached out and touched her miniscule fingers, still in disbelief that this was all actually happening.  2

I looked up at my best friend, Casey, who had finally regained all the color in her face. She flashed her million dollars smile when she saw me looking and came over to sit next to me. She reached out and touched the tiny fingers just like I had a moment before.3

" She's gorgeous, Cass," she said, staring at her in complete awe.4

I smiled, exhausted. " I know...she's beautiful."5

Casey leaned forward and whispered, " What are you going to name her?"6

I sat back and thought about it for a moment, a long one that is. " Elizabeth," I finally declared softly. " Her name is Elizabeth Nicole Carter." 7

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I was fifteen when I got pregnant; still a sophomore in high school. Back then, my head was filled with crazy ideas on how to run my life. Back then, I was young and ignorant. Today I am still young but not as ignorant. 9

David Mitchell was everything that a high school girl dreamed of. He was gorgeous, rich, popular, athletic and, of course, a senior. Girls flocked all over him, but he only had eyes for me, though I never really understood why. 10

We started dating in my freshman year and I was completely smitten. I was in love, or at least with the idea of love. I would have done anything for him and I did. In the end, I paid for it harshly.11

"It's wrong," I insisted, wiping off the sweat collecting on my forehead. " These things are wrong all the time." 12

Casey rested her hand on my arm. " Cassandra, its the fifth one you've taken. I'm pretty sure its not wrong." Her voice was calm but her eyes matched mine, worried and afraid.13

I stared at the tiny pink strip and I was suddenly overcome with the overwhelming realization of what was going to happen. Even without the test, I knew it was true. All the signs were there; the missed period, the morning sickness, the unusual cravings. I knew it, deep down; it was undeniable. " Oh god, Casey, what am I going to do?"14

She was in as much shock as I was, her sweaty hand clenched tight in my own. " You need to tell David," she said slowly, looking at me with her big blue troubled eyes. " Tell David. He'll know what to do."15

He didn't. He was just as baffled as I was. I would never forget the look on his face. It was an unusual mixture of shock, confusion, and anger.16

"You're joking right? This is a joke right?" he said after he had gotten over the initial shock. I didnt answer. I was afraid of him. " This is NOT happening."17

I folded my arms across my chest. " David, believe it. It's not a joke, baby. It's actually happening."18

" Well then it can't be mine! It has to be some other guy's," he accused harshly.19

I looked up at him, shocked, my eyes widening. I shook my head in disbelief, wondering if it was even possible that I had heard him correctly. " Are you serious?" I squeaked. " David, you know I have only been with you!"20

He responded by sinking into a chair and sighing. I had told him at the beginning  to sit down but he did not take my advice til now. " This is not possible. You can't be having a baby now," he said, almost to himself. He looked at me. " You're going to have an abortion right?"21

I took a step backward, surprised. " No, David, I'm having this baby. I'm keeping it."22

David stood up in a flash, his expression changed from shock to pure anger. " Cassie, are you thinking clearly?" he yelled. I took a step backward, cringing. " You cannot actually keep it! You just barely started your sophomore year!"23

" David, please, just listen to me! I am keeping the baby! I am going to need your help. I can't possibly do it on my own," I explained hopelessly, not knowing if he was even listening to me. 24

" Cass, I want nothing to do with this baby! It's your choice to keep it; it was definitely not mine!" he protested. " You can ruin your life if you want but stay away from mine!"25

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I dismissed the thought, the awful memory, in my mind. The last nine months had been the worst of my life. It hardly seemed important now, not with my beautiful daughter in my arms. She had woken up during my extended trip down memory lane and was staring at me with immense curiosity.27

" Cassandra?"28

My whole body froze up and I nearly dropped Elizabeth in my absolute surprise at hearing his voice. I looked up, trying to show no emotion on my face. " Hi David." 29

He looked flushed, as if he had just come from running a marathon. He shifted nervously in the doorway, shoving his hands deep inside his pockets, and avoided looking at me directly in the eye. " I heard you were in labor," he finally said. " What is it?"30

I hesitated before answering. " It's a girl," I replied. I paused. " Her name is Elizabeth."31

" Can I hold her?"32

I hesitated again and looked up at Casey, who nodded slightly. " Sure," I said.33

David crossed the room, aware that Casey and I were watching him intently, as if wondering if he was really there or just a figment of our imaginations. " Hi Casey," he said.34

" Hi David," she said, politely, standing up. " I think I'll go find my mom." She squeezed my hand for reassurance and walked out of the room, leaving me alone with David.35

David reached down and picked her up and my arms felt the absence. It was not a feeling I liked. David was looking down at Elizabeth in amazement, as if he'd never seen anything like her before. " She's beautiful."36

I nodded. " I know. She has your mouth," I blurted out before I could stop myself.37

He dragged his eyes away from his daughter to look up at me. " She has your eyes."38

I swallowed hard, wanting to pull away from his gaze, but not having the ability to. " David, what are you doing here?"39

" I want to make things work, Cassandra. I want to be there for you and the baby," he replied, as if it were obvious.40

I couldn't beleive it. " Where were you the last ten hours, David? Where were you the last nine months?" I cried, tring to keep my voice from shaking so much. 41

" I know! God, Cassandra, I know!" David fired back. He sighed, trying to keep himself calm. " Believe me, I know."42

" You should've known nine months ago," I muttered under my breath. I would not let myself be disappointed by him. I held my arms out. " Let me have my daughter back."43

He held her tighter to him.  "She's my daughter too."44

"David."45

He shook his head.46

"David!"47

David put her gently in my arms and sunk into the ugly uncomfortable hospital chair next to me. " I just want to take responsiblity for my actions. I want to be with you and Elizabeth."48

" It's not going to happen," I said abruptly, before he had the chance to continue.49

"But..." he started to protest.50

" No, listen to me," I interuppted. " I can't be with you, not after what you did to me. You left me. You abandoned me when I needed you." I paused. " What I do want is for you to part of Elizabeth's life...to be her father. And I need your help."51

He nodded. " Help? What is exactly included in that?"52

" I need you to watch Elizabeth sometimes...I have school and a job now. And I need you to pay support. I can't take care of her by myself," I explained. A nurse came in and took Elizabeth from me, leaving that absent feeling again.53

" We're just checking on her, making sure she's okay," she reassured me with a smile. I returned her smile and faced David again.54

" I can do that, I can do all of that," he replied.55

" Thank you," I replied, to both him and the nurse, who had laid Elizabeth gently in the hospital basinet.56

" So there is absolutely no chance that we'll ever get back together?" he asked, hopefully.57

I felt a pain at the thought. My heart wanted him, wanted to be with him. I would have given anything for him to come back to me in the last nine months. But this time, my head was beginning to outweigh my heart. I couldn't let myself fall over just because he said he could make it work. This wasn't some teenage movie where everything worked out in the end.58

I knew, deep down, that it wouldn't work out no matter how much I wanted it to.59

" I don't know," I answered truthfully. " It's possible that sometime, in the future, it could happen. Its just not going to happen now."60

He didn't say anything at first. He never was good at hiding his emotions, like I was. I had learned when to show my feelings at appropriate times and when to lock them in a closet and throw away the key.61

" I'm sorry," I said softly. " I still love you."62

He smiled, somewhat sadly. " I know." He didn't get up yet, taking one long look at me and kissing me softly. He exited my room and I sighed.63

Casey came back in a second later, a worried look on her face. " How did that go?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.64

I pressed my fingers to my lips, still feeling his kiss. " I don't know," I replied, honestly. " He wants to be part of Elizabeth's life."65

" And what did you tell him?" she said slowly.66

" I said he could be a part of our daughter's life if he gave me the necessary help," I answered.67

Casey turned to look at me as if I were someone other than her best friend. " What? You told him what?" she cried, disbelieving.68

"Casey, I don't have a dad...god I barely have a mother! I don't want Elizabeth to have that kind of life. I want her to have better," I protested.69

" It's not going to be what you imagined, Cassandra. It's not going to be the white picket fence with David going to work while you stay home with your baby. You're only sixteen and I hate to break your heart, but you and David are not getting back together," she pointed out.70

" I know! I wasn't even thinking of that!" I said, sharply, even though I was. We glared at each other until a boy I didn't know burst in, causing a slight diversion. The three of us stared at each other until I found my voice again. " can I help you?"71

The boy seemed momentarily speechless. He probably was not used to bursting in and seeing sixteen-year-olds with babies. I took this time to take a good look at him. He had light brown hair with beautiful caramel colored eyes, and stood taller than David, which I never thought possible. He carried a bouquet of yellow tulips in his right hand. " Oh I must have the wrong room," he said, after he had recovered. He had a soft English accent.72

"Yeah, I think so," Casey said, raising her eyebrows.73

He lingered for a moment, latching his gaze onto mine. " I'm sorry," he said, leaving the room quickly. 74

" That was interesting...and random," I said, laying back on the pillows. A nurse came in and took Elizabeth into the nursery for the night.75

"Interesting? I would not call that merely interesting. Cass, that guy was beautiful. Did you hear his accent?" Casey said, looking out the door. " He liked you; I could tell by the way he looked at you."76

I laughed out loud then. There had been a part of me that had leapt at the sight of him, but I wouldn't admit it to Casey.77

"What, Cassandra? What's so funny?"78

" Casey, I'm sixteen years old and I just had a baby. Trust me, that boy is fine without me," I said.79

" I guess," she shrugged. " Doesn't stop him from being gorgeous."80

I rolled my eyes. " Whatever. I need rest. I just went through ten hours of labor and I'm exhausted."81

Casey nodded. " Visitor's hours are up, anyway. I'll come back in the morning."82

"Okay, well, then, I'll see you in the morning. Say good night to Elizabeth on your way out please," I said.83

She smiled, nodded and made her exit. I fell into a deep sleep, dreaming of the future with Elizabeth and possibly David. I awoke in the middle of the night and saw something glowing right in front of my nose. I reached out towards it and felt something soft. I smiled, bringing it closer to my face.84

A yellow tulip.85