Teenage Paradoxes

What kind of 17-year-old keeps NSYNC on her wall? Boy bands are one of the hundreds of things she should be "too cool" for by now. There's a pristine yellow My Little Pony perched atop her bookcase, its jeweled eyes surveying its less than immaculate surroundings. A couple pony-steps away is a giant conch shell nightlight, and nestled into its pink underbelly, a small golden crucifix. Flanking the miniature treasure, a Minnie Mouse and Daisy Duck retrieved from the cellophane of a Rice Krispies box. A blasphemous Catholic.1

In the far corner, a mismatched managerie of stuffed animals struggles to escape from their display hammock, unaware that if they succeed, they are doomed to the floor, where they will be covered by stray t-shirts until they're forgotten. The floor is a place that most belongings never return from; just diappear into folds of fabric and memory. Maybe this girl's a rebel. Maybe she's organizationally-challenged.2

On one wall, there's a homemade poster, depicting LUST and those bubbly dreamboats of pre-teendom. It chronicles a day when Ben Affleck was still "such a babe" and she was sure her true love was her band partner. Inches away, a poster with a bulldog puppy, with the caption, "Lord, I could use a miracle." But the last couple of words on the end are obscured by a fuzzy Halloween bat hanging from the ceiling. What kind of weirdo hangs a bat from their ceiling? No more than a few feet from a paper Japanese lantern?3

It has to say something about someone's personality when their tie-dyed bedclothes are contentedly settled in a permanent state of disarray. Or does it just mean they're messy.4

The only thing seemingly in order are the fabulous collection of Spice Girls dolls and Betty Boop bobbleheads locking eyes with the yellow pony from the bookcase. And even that visual is slightly skewed.5