Tout Que j'ai Besion Est Vous 36

You stood there frozen and unmoving, everything around you seemed to melt away. The band was gone and the crowd had never been there. The only thing that remained with you. Was Gerard.  He stood one mic in hand and the other he cradled your cheek wiping away the tears sliding down your cheek. You were lost in the deep of hazel and gray. You were gone. And you couldn’t help but feel a sudden wave of worry and horror. For some unexplained reason, you felt like you were losing him. You looked out to the crowd at all his adoring fans. Most were girls. Ranging in sizes varying in beauty. All wanting him. You looked back at him and started to step backwards, a few steps then turning around to run off stage. The slow motion stopped as you ran down the back stage area jumping over cables and amps and turning around corners to a door and flung it wide open. Your heart pounded. And you walked into the room sitting on the couch and slowly collapsing into the couch causing you to lay down. You sobbed for a few moments. With this new feeling, Gerard was leaving. He wasn’t going to come back. You’d be alone. You’d die alone. You’d never get married. You’d never have kids. You’d become homeless again. You’d get dropped off somewhere random. You’d be alone. A L O N E . and no one would care a single bit. You cried and struggled to think of ways to keep Gerard. A way to convince him to stay with you, a way to make him happy and want to stay. You needed to. You just had to. After thinking of ways to make him stay and love you. You’d realize. Nothing will happen. You won’t lose him. He loves you. And nothing will change. No matter how much you tried to tell yourself that you were just thinking negatively the thought of him walking away crept back to you sending your mind into a macabre cycle. 1

You waited in silence for the band to come back after playing 'the ghost of you', which didn’t seem to settle your mind at all. hearing such a sad song about losing someone, wasn't something you needed to the moment. You honestly didn’t know why you all of a sudden started worrying, but whatever triggered it. Seriously messed with your mind.  The crowd outside began cheering and you knew that they show was over and that the guys will be coming in any time soon.  You sat up but remained hugging the pillow. In a matter of seconds the door was kicked open and five guys pumped with Adrenalin rushed the room. 2

Frankie commenced in thrusting himself on the couch, Bob did to shortly after him crushing him into the cushions. Mikey and Ray came and plopped themselves on the couch next to you to watch the wrestling match and Gerard rushed in and nearly tackled you. 3

*CASSIE YOU WERE A.W.E.S.O.M.E. OUT THERE!!!!! YOU WERE AMAZING AND THE CROWD LOVED IT. AND YOU LOOKD ADORABLE. AND YOU MADE ME TEAR UP WITH ALL THE HEART YOU POURED INTO THE PERFORMANCE!!!* But noticed you were still crying *Babe. Are you okay?* you sat there for a moment trying to find the true answer to his question. Not wanting to look into his eyes because they always made you smile. 4

*No.* was the only thing you could say that made sense right now.5

*Do you want to talk about it? What’s wrong?* you leaned forward and clutched the pillow to your chest. Gerard moved to sit next to you on the couch. He put a hand on your back and was gently rubbing it. You both sat silent for a few moments so you could get you emotions in order.6

*All those girls out there….any of them, could take you away from me. They all want you or Mikey or Ray or Bob or Frankie. They could take anyone of you away from me. Without a word. It's just so unnerving to think that you could discard me and have your pick at so many other prettier girls, but you choose me. And even though I know I’m being stupid, no matter what I try to say to convince myself otherwise….I can’t help but feel like you’re going to leave me.* you confessed to him watching his euphoric smile fade from his face only to be replaced with a look of sorrow . *I mean I know its stupid...but the feeling is just so strong.* you finished resting your head on the pillow.7

*Aw. Babe. I would never just discard you for another girl. Tout Que J’ai Besion Est Vous. You’re the one I want. You’re the one I have and after waiting so long to finally have you, I’m not going to leave you. Not now, not ever. Nothing’s going to change. I will be by your side for as long as you want me to be. None of those girls mean anything compared to what you mean to me. You’ve changed me so much, without you I’d still be an ass. But I feel like with you I’ve changed into a much better person. You’ve loved me since before we became famous. Most of those girls never heard of us before we hit.  You’re beautiful to me. You’re life to me. You get me moving in the morning. You help me sleep at night. You make me a better person. You’re my muse.  I love you. I love you. Nothing and no one will EVER change that.* he rested his head on the pillow looking deeply into your eyes.8

*Are you sure?* you asked him letting him kiss you on the lips, which always managed to send just the right sparks down your spine.9

*Positively sure. I would never think about another girl.* he kissed you again and looked you in the eyes his own twinkling like the little pathetic stars outside. You smiled and held onto him for dear life not wanting to let go. *Feeling better?* he asked looking at you. You just smiled up at  him10

*I’m  alright.* you  replied. Gerard smiled.11

*So. let’s all go off to hotel!! That was a great show guys* you helped the guys pack their stuff being a good roadie like you are and you all headed off to the hotel Bella Muerte. 12

*I really had no idea that this place existed!* Gerard laughed. You all took a few things and hopped out of the bus and ran into your separate room. Gerard decided that he did really felt like sleeping in a room full of guys and though that it’d be best if he rented 2 rooms. One with one bed and the other with 2. You shared the single with Gerard of course. After everyone was situated and everyone ate dinner you both separated from the rest and into you room. Which was unfortunately an entire floor up and on the other side of the building. You raced the entire way there. And opened the door breathing heavily. Which was quiet funny. you beat Gerard because as you pulled ahead of Gerard a maid came out of a room after just cleaning it. He crashed into the cart making cleaning products and laundry fly everywhere. He had to stay behind and help her clean it up. You sat on the bed once you were there. You sprawled out spread eagle and thought about your idea to keep Gerard. You thought for a moment and held your breath. you had stood up and began pacing. When Gerard walked in. he walked to you and kissed you passionately. Just like every other kiss he’s ever given you. Always passionate. And always better than he one before. He popped in a cd and turned up the volume. And out of the speakers came Gerard’s voice floating with the words of Demolition Lovers. 13

*Can I have this dance?* Gerard laughed as he held out a hand. You took it and you both slow danced. To the love note lyrics. As Gerard himself sang along with the recording always holding your back and looking you in the eyes giving you a constant smile. But once the song ended Gerard went to turn of the music. You sat on the bed and waited for him to turn around then started to unbutton your shirt. Gerard looked at you a bit confused.14

*Will you…* you blushed and he looked at you through unsure eyes. He approached and stopped your hand.15

*Are you sure? This isn’t going to be something you’re going to regret? Are you sure you’re not going to do this because of the show?* he asked you seriously. More serious than he had ever had before.  You looked him in the eye and nodded.  *Say so.* he finished to be sure.16

*I want to Gee. I really want to. I’m ready now.* you smiled at him and he smiled back. when he took over unbuttoning your shirt. 17

It was 8 when you went to the room. It was 5 in the in the morning when you finally went to bed. you had never been to tired in your life and you loved it.18