[A tale of Old]2
Here I write the tale of Ukla, in lasting memory of those who came before, those who rule now and those yet to come. 3
The Truth is that which is written here. 4
The story, our story, their story begins as do many tales, in dream:5
Prologue 在夢中--- In Dream ---В Мечте6
Green, that was the word for it. He had never seen such green. The green of spring; the green of new born leaves in rare Ail sunshine.
He stood on that green, before him a sea of grass and tree with waves and tides flowing with the wind. It was perfect.
Yet, even as he, the First, saw these wonders, the rumble of thunder was heard in the distance. Quickly, the tides became rolling waves, the green faded and lost its brightness. In the sky above him, black clouds of menacing shapes where summoned.
Without warning, from that sky there came a bolt- not of lighting but hate. The leaves so green, the grass and truly all good things, erupted into flame.
The First's skin burnt and smoldered, smoke stung his eyes. The trees once so green, so good; fell upon the world, black.7
Chapter one: The wood8
***9
The First awoke in a cold sweat. Lost was to him was the knowledge of where he was and his own identity remained, a mystery.
Beams of light blinded him for a moment as he opened his eyes. He lay there, there was something he needed to remember. What was it? It was important. Nevertheless, as he desperately tried to hang on to it, it slipped from his mind. Then it was gone.10
Quite suddenly something wet fell upon his cheek. Quickly he stumbled to his feet and surveyed his surroundings. Enormous trees towered around him, swaying in the breeze. Sunlight penetrated the lush green forest canopy, casting beams of sunlight to the forest floor. Dew drops fell from above, so that was what it was thought Tom. 11
He shock his head. It didn’t make sense, nothing made sense. Where was he? Who was he? No answers came to him.12
He stood there for a few moments of staring in to the lush forest around him. Quite suddenly and to Tom’s great surprise, he noticed that others lay on the grass at his feet. Both of which where asleep. One of the two was a boy who had short white blond hair. The girl had a fair face with hair that could have been mistaken for the vial of night, dark yet it remaining bright, an almost indescribable beauty.13
Again he shook his head, and again Tom stood there perplexed. He stood there not sure weather he should risk waking them or...to run.14
He took a step back, he stumbled and fell backwards into a pool of icy water.15
Drenched he got up, someone giggled a childlike giggle. He looked around, the girl was sitting up positively giddy. 16
“What are you laughing at?” asked Tom quite taken aback. 17
“You should have seen yourself”, answered the girl her eyes were tearing up. 18
For moment Tom just stood above her looking down into her Ocean deep blue eyes. The girl suddenly seemed to come to her senses and looked around “where am I?” she said calmly, as she got to her feet, quite straight faced.19
Still unsure whether or not he should run for it, Tom slowly said “I um… don’t know” as he looked at the ancient and mysterious forest that enclosed the clearing they where in.20
“Who are you?” she asked looking while looking over Tom with an utterly confused look on her face.21
Tom considered the question for a moment then said “my name is Tom and you are?” Strange that the only thing he knew for sure was, I am Tom.22
She too seemed to also have to search for her name but after moment of silence, slowly said “my name is Laura” then she put out her hand and let Tom pull her up. Again there was calm silence in which they both looked at the lush green forest around themselves. “What do you think we should do?” Tom asked as he looked up at the clear blue sky through the patches in the forest canopy.23
“Umm…” But before she could finish there was a sound and Tom quickly turned and saw that the boy had now awoken and was holding his sword in a tight grip24
“Who are you people?” demanded the boy as he surveyed Tom and Laura still holding his sword as though he would strike any second.2625
Tom answered “I’m Tom and that’s Laura."26
The boy looked over Tom again. Tom did the same.27
The boy he now noticed was well armed with a long silver sword, which now was only a couple of inches away from the end of Tom’s nose, and a shield, which was strapped to the boy’s back with a leather belt which went diagonally over his chest. In addition the boy was wearing light chain mail armor.28
No one spoke as the boy looked over Tom. As he looked in those eyes he saw that this boy was not much of a threat. He had the eyes of a boy who was covering up his fear with a mask of bravery.29
Tom looked to his side and now saw that unnoticed Laura had managed to speedily and silently pick up a wooden bow and arrow. She had also been able to withdraw an arrow from her quaver, which Tom had also just released was there.30
The boy turned and was startled to see that a long slender wooden arrow was being aimed at the small space between his eyes. He tripped, on one of the giant roots sticking out of the ground. This caused him to drop his sword.31
He scrambled over to pick the sword up. At that exact time less then an inch from his hand there now was an arrow sticking out of the ground. “I don’t think you will move an inch unless you want to have one less finger” she said in a tone Tom had not yet heard. “Who are you?” Tom asked looking into the boy’s green eyes which now where now slightly watering. “My name is...” he looked puzzled for a second then said “Dave”.32
“Do you know where we are?” asked Laura in that same tone of great authority as she looked at Dave with her bow and arrow now aimed at Dave’s chest. “No I don’t” Dave quickly answered. He had just seemed to realize that they where in a forest. Dave looked around at the ancient trees, amazed.33
After a few moments of pure silence Tom sat down against a tree trunk. Laura did the same after what seemed was an eternity.34
Dave was still breathing heavily Tom knew the boy was scared. “I don’t think he is much of a threat”. Laura quickly glanced at Tom and Tom knew that she didn’t trust him either.35
Tom closed his eyes and listened to the wind as it rustled the leaves. After a while he opened them and watched the sun beams travel through the forest canopy. He quickly became lost in his own thoughts about who he was and what he was doing in some ancient forest. After a while Tom drifted off to sleep.36
Tom heard an owl’s hoot somewhere in the distance which he determined was the noise that had awoken him and then realized that night had fallen. Laura was asleep against a tree trunk a few meters away but was still holding her bow. Dave was sprawled on the forest floor and telling by the loud snores he too was asleep.37
Tom looked up through the dark forest canopy at the full moon and clear night sky above. A sense of foreboding now encircled him as he stared at the moon and the dark shadows it was casting.38
Suddenly, the howl of what sounded to be a wolf penetrated the silence and even as the first faded another howl responded to the first. Tom was now in stupefied in fear for the succeeding howl had seemed to have originated close by. He slowly turned his gaze upon the trees that enclosed the clearing and scanned them. In the shadows, close to Laura, he saw a pair of blood shot eyes and more eyes materialized around the first pair.39
After a half a moment’s hesitation he picked up a long rod of wood. No, he suddenly realized as he felt it in his had that it was ancient wooden staff which had seemed to just appear out of nowhere on the ground next to him. Tom frantically yelled “legatera sevectlo!” Without any idea what those words meant. Suddenly a flash of light engulfed him. After the first bright flash of light a strong continuous light was now emerging out of the end of the staff. The creatures, which Tom suddenly saw where wolves, moved hauntingly into the clearing.40
Laura had been awoken by the light as had Dave. Laura, with surprising agility, had managed to stand up as well as draw an arrow out of her quiver and started firing at the wolves. Dave was surrounded by five wolves who where fighting over who should get him. As the wolves were fighting, Dave scrambled over to pick up his blade. Dave then swiftly stood up and got into a defensive pose. The wolves now all turned on him, ready to attack.41
A thought came to Tom as he looked at the wolves attacking Dave. “They aren’t normal wolves!” Tom yelled to Dave and Laura. “So what on earth are they?” shouted Dave as he hit a wolf which had lunged at him and tried to bite his hand off.42
“They are werewolves!” Tom yelled as he scrabbled to stand up and narrowly dodged the fangs of one of the werewolves attacking him. Dave quickly moved towards Tom as fought off the werewolves which seemed to recover quickly from their injuries. Laura also moved towards Tom.43
He saw that he was defenseless except for his staff which he doubted would be much good against so many werewolves. Three werewolves that appeared out of the forest ahead came straight at him. “Vatra vatra!” Tom again had yelled words that he had no clue what so ever to the meaning of. The end of his staff had erupted into flame. He now hit one of the werewolves coming at him with the end of his staff. The werewolf’s fleece had instantly caught ablaze. The other werewolves saw the fire and stopped in their tracks in fear of the flame.44
Dave and Laura took this moment as a chance to quickly scramble over to Tom. He, Dave, and Laura were now in a circle in the center of the clearing facing outwards ready to defend themselves against the werewolves. “Light your arrows on my staff” Tom muttered quietly to Laura. She lit one of her arrows and fired at a werewolf that was coming a bit too close to them. The werewolf instantly caught fire and howled in agony.45
The Vi fire was unlike any normal fire Tom knew of. It could burn on its own for a few minutes with out a fuel source. Also it spread almost instantly and burned hotter than ordinary fire. Furthermore it couldn’t be put out as easily since water didn’t quench its thirst. This was the fire of the sun of Vi, the land of the eternal flame. 46
After a time, most of the werewolves seeing the pain of their brothers and the approaching dawn, set off deep into the forest.47
When the werewolves had either run off into to the forest or were in ashes. Tom, Dave, and Laura sat down on the grass in the early morning sunlight. “So what do you suppose we should do now?” Tom asked Dave and Laura.48
Chapter 2: The walk49
***50
Tom’s stomach growled, he was hungrier then he could ever remember being (but that wasn’t much). Dave had suggested they eat the werewolf meat before they left however just as Dave said it Tom knew, just knew, that werewolf meat would mean death to humans. So they started their journey with no food and water. They wouldn’t be able to survive much longer with out either not to mention having no idea where they where going or where they were.51
The second night of their journey had fallen and they still continued to walk on further. For all of them where in constant fear that something else may try and prey on them. Since the moon was full no longer Tom came to the realization that they didn’t have to worry about werewolves, for the time being. But he also had the knowledge that other things, perhaps more deadly then the wolves where out there, in the shadows.52
“How much longer do you think we have to go until we get out of this damned forest?” asked Dave as he rubbed his stomach.53
Tom stayed silent and continued to walk until Laura decided to answer for him “maybe a day or so” she said quietly. 54
“If I don’t get something to eat soon I’ll have to go up one of these trees and see if there’s any fruit up there” said Dave as he looked up one of the giant trees. “Well if you don’t find any feel free to jump off at least then we won’t have to listen to your blabbering” Tom said sarcastically.55
Dave decided to not say anything but Tom saw both of the others grinning.5756
They walked in silence Tom leading the way with his staff illuminating the forest around them.57
Tom was getting very tired. He guessed that using his magic to light the staff for these last couple of hours was draining him. Yet he marched on stumbling a few times on stones and undergrowth.58
“Let’s take a break” announced Laura as she sat down against a tree. Tom wasted no time and sat down beside her. He let go of his staff and let it rest against the tree. Now they were in complete darkness. Tom heard Dave sit down beside a different tree. They sat in silence for a long time. After a while Tom could hear Dave Dave’s snores then Laura said only so Tom could hear “why?”
“Why what?” Tom responded in a scornful whisper.59
“Why are we here?”60
“Your guess is as good as mine”61
“This all feels so strange” Laura said with a sigh. Tom didn’t know how to respond so he kept silent. It definitely was very strange to be here with no idea who they where. After a couple more minutes Laura got up and woke Dave up. They set off once more.62
Not even a minute after that Tom suddenly fell face forward into the ground since he had tripped on one of the giant roots stretching out from under the trees.63
“Are you ok?” asked Laura as she and Dave pulled him up.64
“Of course he isn’t, would you like a face full of dirt?” responded Dave with a wide grin on his face as he bent over and picked up a handful.65
“You wouldn’t dare!” answered Laura in a warning voice.66
Dave raised his hand up ready to throw then suddenly out of the no where an arrow flew straight at Dave though it missed by just millimeters.67
“What the…..” before Dave could complete his sentence a net came suddenly down out of thin air.68
Tom struggled to get out but before he could move any of his limbs he felt extremely worn-out. Dave had already fallen asleep, then Laura, but Tom fought with every ounce of strength he had in him. After a while people or some other strange creatures had came out of the shadows Tom couldn’t tell what they where because he was struggling to keep his eyes open. Tom felt himself being searched. Then he rose into the air on what felt like a cloud then he finally gave in and fell in to a very deep sleep in which he dreamed of the terrible things to come.69
Chapter 3: The darkness70
Tom heard strange voices in the distance. He tried to remember what had happened. Why was he chained down on the cold stone of what seemed to be a dungeon. “This one has elfish blood in her veins” said one of the voices.71
“Strange, very strange” said a second more sinister voice.72
“Yet look what we found on her” said the first voice excitedly.73
“No it can’t be!” exclaimed the second voice.74
“Oh yes it is master, It is the mark of… Tom couldn’t make sense of the word the first voice said.75
“But they where destroyed long ago” said the second voice.76
“It seems one of their blood line is still alive and I have yet to tell you about her companions” said the first voice.77
Tom chanced a sideways glance to the direction of the voices. There stood two tall hooded figures talking. Suddenly the taller figure started to turn so Tom quickly closed his eyes and listened.78
“That one there has strong magic in his blood” said the first voice.79
“And the other’s sword is of the make of the dwarfen-elves” said the first voice.80
“But that can’t be fool, for they only gave five blades and they where lost to us long ago” said the second voice.81
“And this is one of them, look captain at the inscription, it is the blade of one of the great good kings of men, David” said the first voice.82
“We couldn’t touch any of there weapons directly for when our skin touches them our it burns like the fire of Vi, we lost five warriors because of this” said the first voice.83
Tom again chanced a glance this time in the opposite direction he saw that their weapons where on pedestals covered in a dark fog like substance.84
“I must go and inform lord drake” said the second voice and Tom heard his foot steps as the taller hooded figure started to walk away.85
“Um...” stuttered the first voice.86
“Yes?” the second voice replied and stopped.87
“So what is your judgment of these three souls master?” asked the first voice excitingly.88
“Keep the Half-elf alive, drake will like to deal with her personally!” answered the second voice as Tom heard him march off.89
There was silence for a few moments then he heard the second figure’s foot steps as he too walk away.90
Tom knew what he had to do. He focused all of his will power on the chains binding him. He forced every ounce of will at the chains suddenly as if by magic the chains broke. Tom opened his eyes and anon rose to his feet.91
To be continued…92
In Chapter 4: Memories
Author notes
This is the tale of Ukla, of the old world. Tom finds him self in a ancient forest, with two complete strangers. Quickly, he goes out in search of his ancient and mysterious past. Only to meet up with giants, werewolves, and other creatures many of which he will have been sorry to have ever met.
I have edited and reedited this story so many times...any input will be appreciated.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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Good, but needs a little help
The story is good; it's easy to be drawn into, it's fun to read, it's imaginative.
My only suggestions would be reviewing your grammar and maybe using a thesaurus to replace some overused words like "quickly" and "suddenly".
A few errors:
"The green of spring, the green of new born leaves in rare Ail sunshine." - That sentence should either be two sentences or separated by a semicolon.
"Suddenly, from that sky there came a bolt, not of lighting but hate." - I'd recommend using a dash after "bolt" and a comma after "lightning".
"I sense of foreboding now encircled him as he stared at the moon and the dark shadows it was casting." - Probably just a typo, but the "I" should be "A".
"Enormous trees towered around him, swaying in the breeze, sunlight penetrated the lush green forest canopy casting beams of sunlight to the forest floor." - Here you could do one of two things. You could make this two sentences, ending it after "breeze" and inserting a comma after "canopy", or you could change "penetrated" to "penetrating" and add "and" after "canopy".
Overall: The story is enjoyable despite its technical errors. Fix those, and you'll be set. I hope to see more later, and feel free to message me if you've got questions! :]
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Thanks for the editing help...boy did I need it....I'll let you know when I write the next chapter...might not be for a while though...
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Wow!
Exiting!!
Flaws: I spotted a fragment in line 48, there is some missing Caps, such as on Lord Drake, and possibly some other grammer errors
Pros: Flows nice, grabs the attention, and amazing discription! I really like this story, it's coming out really well!
Overall: Awsome story, keep up the good work!!

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wow that was really good


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really nice!
i like it! the plot is really good. dont worry bout the tecnical stuff, u can fix that in editing. very nice so far though. great job, keep it up!!!
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Well done
Good job! I would suggest, though, before you move on to the next section, take an hour, and look over this part again, fixing all the technical errors. That will make it much easier to be immersed in the story line. I liked your plot a lot though! Keep it up! -
wow... ur amazing
This was an AWESOME story. I really loved it and you HAVE TO write more. This has the makings of a great tale. I really hope you write more soon cause you're killing me how your keeping my waiting.
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hey! OMG, great job so far! I seriously can't wait to read more, so I'm hopeing that you are thinking on continuing this! If you haven't already posted, msg me when ur next part is up. ttyl and keep writing!
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great grasping intro....it kept me readin
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Intense
I couldnt stop reading and that was a good thing. I guess by now you should know about the grammatical and punctuation errors which break up the flow of the story a bit. Also some spelling errors but undertstandable; things like "where" instead of "were". All in all its shaping up to be a vast and deeply engrossing story. I really really hope that you keep it up!
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Comma, Colon, Semi colon....
I don't think you can 'stumble to your feet' ?? maybe scramble, lots of missing punctuation and that makes it quite difficult to enjoy which fantasy is hard enough to understand without checking its' grammar and the like. Try reading it out loud and it helps a great deal to finding the lacking punctuation.beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 2, characters: 3.
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Very cool. A few grammer things but nothing that takes away from the story itself. Well done and good luck!!
~dramaqueen469~ -
This is very good. Some grammatical errors, but overall a very well done amateur write. Keep working at you're writing -- I look forward to reading chapter four!
Best of luck in the contest.









