A Day in the Life

A Day in the Life1

Something's wrong.  There's a change in the air.  The feel of the situation has changed, subtly shifting from an entirely innocent first meeting to an all-out life or death chaotic mess.  A shuriken flies through the air, peircing my radar-like senses, tripping survival instincts I have no control over.  I'm throwing myself into someone I barely know, screaming "Down!" at the top of my lungs, crashing the two of us into the park benches before my brain catches up to my body.  2

I can't begin to imagine what that must seem like.  Strolling through the park on a warm, autumn night, taking the time to enjoy each others company, revelling in the pure innocence of it all, no expectations, nothing to live up to, able to be yourself, fully yourself.  And all of a sudden, this near stranger, this person you barely know, this being you enjoy the company of, throws his entire bodily weight into an almost tackle without warning.  3

Of course, he wasn't the one with a shuriken flying towards his head.  Or was he?  The shuriken tripped my overly strong senses because it entered my...defensive nebula, for lack of a better word.  But was it headed for me or him?  I stare at the metal star, embedded in the concrete, and I wonder.  Position wise, it looks like it was meant for him.  But why?  Does he have some hidden past that I need to know about it?  4

He can't.  It makes no sense.  Shurikens indicate ninjas, ninjas are of asian descent, he has no asian in him, at least on the surface.  But who do I know who would be trying to kill someone I barely know?  5

"What the hell?"6

He's noticed the ninja throwing star.  And he's oblivious to its meaning.  The look on his face tells everything.  He's completely innocent in this.  Entirely untouched by this.  And he's going to stay that way.7

I'm lying there on top of him, adrenaline crashing through my system, staring into his eyes...and my hand is reaching for his face...pressing against his cheek...and my lips touch his.  I kiss him.  I close my eyes and I kiss him.  And for just a second, my senses, my all-encompassing defense net, cease to function.  All of my defences, all of my carefully honed skills and abilities, are forgotten.  I am helpless.  But only for a second.  8

Withdrawing from the kiss, adrenaline throwing my body back into the action, I stare into his bright blue eyes.  There is bewilderment and confusion in those eyes, but also a slight longing for more, a small part of his mind can't get past what just happened.  9

"Kyle," I say, calmly.  "Stay safe."10

And with that, I roll off of his body, cartwheel onto the back of the bench and bounce up on top of the lampost by the bench.  I stand there for a second, clenched fists at my side, preparing for action, psyching my body out of harmless mode and into action.  The air seems to hum with the change, to my ears, everything grows louder, all vision sharpens, the air currents that brush against my skin send shockwaves up my spine.  Kyle watches me from the bench, his mouth hanging open slightly, unable to control his awe.  11

Shurikens erupt out of the darkness at me.  Unarmed as I am, the only option is avoidance.  I leap straight up, expecting someone to crash out of the darkness, expecting an open fight.  Silly boy.  Chain scythe flies at my leg, wrapping around my limb, dragging me down, into the depths.  The sharp tug nearly dislocates my leg.  I grunt in protest.  This isn't how it should be.  More shurikens fly at me.  No way to avoid them this time.  My teeth grit as my arm is sliced open, blood flying from the wound, even as I catch two of the flying blades.  Nothing too deep, but still, a major annoyance.  Still in the air, I let loose my newly aquired weapons, achieving the desired result.  The chain scythe snaps, leaving me falling through the night sky.  12

Okay, one problem solved, another waiting for me.  Branches snap as I fall through them, none able to support my weight.  But I'm not falling anymore.  Jarring stop in mid-air leaves me momentarily confused.  Why would my killers be willing to save me?  They wouldn't.  Unless they're not trying to kill me.  13

I'm hanging there, tied up and bound.  No movement is possible, no traction to gain a grip.  Like shadows, my mysterious attackers drop out of the trees.  Just like I thought, ninjas.  Black garb, body armour underneath, face masks leaving only the eyes visible.  Asian descent, dark eyes.  Swords sheathed on their backs.  Exactly like I expected.  14

"What do you want?" I ask.  Calm, steady tone.  I'm not afraid.  I know they won't kill me.  Of course, the outburst was completely wasted.  Ninjas are known for thier silence.  Seeing that I'm incapacitated, unable to stop them, they turn their attention to the real purpose of the attack.  Kyle.  What is so special about him?  They advance.  Silently.  He just sits there on the bench, his expression unreadable.  He seems completely calm, or at the very least, not afraid for his life.  Curiouser and curiouser.  15

"Kyle, run!  You can't do anything here but die!" I yell at him, assuming shock has left him unable to move.  Then I see it.  The mark of their sect.  I hadn't even thought about it.  It's small and square.  Stitched onto the back of the pants.  A triangle in a square, a rainbow triangle.  That's all I need to know.16

"Dan."  I spit the word out.  The ninjas stop.  They turn and look at me with almost terror in their eyes.  "Dan."  Through gritted teeth this time, rage visibly building.  I'm straining against the ropes I'm bound in.  Nothing can hold back my fury.  Dan.  Now it all makes sense.  Why the initial shuriken was aimed at Kyle.  He wants to hurt me.  How better than through my freinds?  17

The rope snaps, dropping me to the ground.  By the time they've realised what's going on, the shuriken I recovered during my fall is embedded in the chest of one of my mysterious attackers.  Kyle is forgotten.  The remaining ninjas launch themselves at me.  Swords are drawn, sparks fly.  Three blades crash down on where I used to be.  Three masked faces look towards the sky, one arm whipping round to throw another chain scythe around my figure, another letting loose another shuriken burst.  And if I was leaping straight up again, it would have worked.  Unless I hadn't learned from my previous encounter.  I wasn't leaping straight up.  I was leaping backwards, retreating.  I was flipping backwards through the air, streamlining my body, throwing myself towards the trees at our backs.  My feet hit the tree, tense and launch me right back at my adversaries.  Tackling the middle one, his sword goes flying into the air, clanging against the cold, hard concrete pavement.  He instinctively takes my momentum and launches me, rolling my tackle into his throw.  Exactly what I expected from a highly trained professional.  Skidding backwards on the ground, he realises what I was really after.  His sword.  18

The katana itself is fairly simple.  No marks of maker or clan.  Impartial death by blade.  Standing, the blade feels good in my hand.  Lightweight but sharp.  Again, chain scythes fly at me.  You'd think they'd be getting bored of this.  Same old, same old.  19

The chain wraps around my arm even as I reach for it, and pull, sharply.  He wasn't expecting this action, this trained counter strike against his speciality weapon.  Pulled off his feet, he falls to the ground, face first, giving me yet another weapon.  Why are they one-trick ponies?  This isn't making sense.  Something is off, something is wrong with this situation.  It's like they're not even trying.  Did they not expect a fight?20

I stand there, waiting.  They just stare holes through me.  Katana in one hand, chain scythe in the other.  Publically humiliated and they're not trying to avenge this?  Suddenly, my defensive nebula sparks, a threat entering its domain.  Before I even realise what I'm doing, the chain is wrapping itself around the arms of my latest attacker and dragging him out of his attack, forcably changing his target while disarming him.  Another sword clatters to the ground, its owner rolling through the dust to gain his footing.  And the face off begins.21

We stand there, staring at one another.  Dan versus me.  You can almost see the air spark between us.  It's personal and everyone knows it.  He smiles, evilly, and nods towards Kyle.  His personal attack squad slowly advance on Kyle, all four of them, now that the shuriken has been taken out of the firsts body armour.  He wants to make me angry.  He wants me to lose control, give him an opening.  He's going to be disappointed.22

"Leave him out of this.  This is between us."23

His eyebrow raises at my calmness.  And then his body is throwing itself at me, a flying kick aimed right at my head.  Ducking, I realise my mistake.  He was expecting me to do that.  His palm strikes downwards as he flies over me, cutting a swathe through my defences to hammer one of my nerve clusters.  My left arm goes numb, the chain scythe rendered useless.  He's improved.  24

A scream jars both our attentions.  I turn in time to see a blade cut a gash in someones side.  Blood hits the ground.  I was so distracted by Dan that I forgot about him.  Kyle.  Looks like I'm not the only one with a fight on his hands.  Even with one of them injured, he still needs to survive three others alone.  Dan won't let me run to save him.  Though I am starting to wonder if he needs the saving.  25

My defenses scream at me again, throwing me into a forward roll before I know what's going on.  Dan apparently saw ample opportunity for an attack.  Pity he forgot about my defensive nebula.  Something is wrong here.  It's like I've been studied.  Watched.  Maybe that's why I've been getting caught off guard for the entire fight.  The more I look at it, the more I realise I'm fighting the wrong way.  I'm fighting better on instinct than on skill.  Dan's right fist explodes in the direction of my face and I'm sidestepping it like he's standing still.  The butt of the katana's grip smashes into the back of his skull.  26

He's on the ground, glaring at me over his shoulder.  He wanted me angry.  That's why he attacked Kyle.  Then I'd be too emotional, too driven to use my senses.  I have been studied.  They know my every move, every style I know.  27

"Get up.  Get up so I can break you down again."28

For the first time since this began, I see the smallest amount of fear enter his eyes.  He's beginning to realise that this won't be as easy as he thought it would be.  And he's not happy about that.29

He throws himself at me, literally screaming in rage.  It's like watching a raging bull.  All muscle, no brain.  I stand there.  He's leaping at me, fist pulled back, ready to deliver one hell of a punch, putting his entire bodily weight behind that one limb.  I can see his knuckles are white.  He's clenched his fist before it reaches its target.  Bad form.  He's got his fist so tight that if it meets any resistance, say the wooden grip of a sword, his fingers are going to break.  And they do.  With a satisfyingly loud crack.  And while he's busy nursing his broken digits, my fist slams into his chest.  That's at least two ribs broken to go along with his hand.  I wouldn't want the hand to feel alone, now would I?  30

On his knees, coughing blood, he's realising that he went about this all wrong.  He fell into the same mistake he wanted me to.  He got angry.  Emotional.  And he lost as a result.  31

Just then, I become aware of everything.  A glance confirms what I feel.  My stomach is in knots because someone is about to be hurt.  Someone I care about.  Kyle lies on the bench, held by the three ninjas while the one stands over him, katana raised.  Ready to deliver the final blow.  I have to give Kyle credit.  He took them down a peg.  Not a single one is unhurt.  But he's in danger now.  I need to save him.  Frantically I grab Dan, heaving him off the ground, desperation compensating for any lack of strength or fatigue.  I yell something and throw him with all my might.  His body crashes into the swordsman, throwing them both to the ground.  I walk over to them.32

"Your master is defeated.  Take him and leave."33

Their eyes go wide, unable to comprehend that Dan lost.  The proof sits there on their laps.  Dan is barely conscious.  With an explosion of smoke, they leave.  Never to return.  34

"Think fast?" says Kyle, clearly unfazed by his near-death experience.  35

"What?"36

"You yelled 'Think fast' when you threw Dan."37

"Guess it was the first thing that came to mind.  Are you okay?"38

He collapses onto the bench.  I think our ordeal took a lot out of him.  39

"Better now that it's over.  Do you often get attacked by personal assassination squads?"40

"You'd be surprised," I respond.  "The better question is, do you?"41

"You'd be surprised."42

I sit down beside him.  I look into his eyes.  He puts his arm around me, and I press myself against him.  We sit there in silence.  And as I drift into sleep, I hear him speak my name...43

********************44

I hear someone speak my name.45

Again, louder.46

"You still with us?"  Kyle.  Guess I zoned out.47

"Sorry, I was just thinking..."48

"About what?"49

I sigh.  "About how I'd rather have ninjas attack me than ask you out..."  I trail off, not realising what I've just done.50

Kyle leans in and kisses me, softly on the lips.51

"That wasn't so hard, now was it?"52

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 37 of 37

  • tonialoise
    July 3

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    What a fun action filled romp. I was thinking at the beginning how it had a bit of a dreamlike quality to it.

    There are some little issues holding it back. I understand some of these might be considered style points as you want your action to feel sped up, but I'm pointing them out just in case as it might help you in the future.

    writing just in the present tense is often difficult and you seem to lapse back into the past tense every now and then such as in p4. Maybe if the entire paragraph was past tense it wouldn't be so confusing but one sentence is past then the next is not and back again. You'll want to watch for these tense changes as they happen throughout the piece.

    p12 "Chain scythe flies at my leg" an article (either "a" or "the") is needed before chain scythe. There seems to be quite a few of these making the sentences sound incomplete.

    "my limb, dragging me down, into the depths." both of these commas are unnecessary and make the sentence a comma splice.

    it does look like you could use a few contractions as here and there I see more of these comma splices most can be fixed by just adding an "and."

    P13 for example; "Okay, one problem solved, another waiting for me." This would read a bit smoother with something like "Okay, one problem solved, and another waits for me."

    p14 "Asian descent, dark eyes. Swords sheathed on their backs." these are incomplete sentences.

    So besides those few things I enjoyed it, the last part I think was the best with the little bit of witty dialog.

    Thanks for entering and good luck in my contest.


  • john reed bell
    June 1

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    holy crap this is good really good keep up the work i might just even make this one of my favorite stories dude you got something like a career in this stuff


  • lavanya
    March 10

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    wow, i think impressive story, but there is something missing which is emotions dear...other then this you wrote such a marvalous piece. good luck and keep writting.


  • Owen Aero
    March 8

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    Very amusing. You did a pretty good job with the visualizations, and of course the end made me chuckle a bit. Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck.


  • Tricia3 gold member
    March 7

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    Very good

    That was quite a complicated fight scene. It felt like I was there watching the whole battle. You're a pro at making your reader see every blow.
    Well done!


  • Myryca
    February 1

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    Interesting that you wrote it in present tense. You do that pretty well.

    Some parts were a bit confusing though and I had to re-read them to get my head around it. One part in particular was after your main character plummets to the ground and then suddenly stops. I had no idea it was the enemy who stopped your main character from falling to the ground. It seems like you left out some detail there?

    I thought some of the moves you put in were a bit unrealistic, personally, although perhaps that could be explained away by the fact that your main character was only dreaming about all this. I also thought it a bit unrealistic in those places where you put fear in various people's eyes. Why would the ninja's be afraid when your main character says Dan's name out loud?

    I got the impression, with Dan, that there was some big story behind that and that he and your main character had fought on several other occasions. With that impression, I expected some big and difficult battle between them but sadly, Dan seemed to be defeated rather easily.

    Apart from that, you kept the suspense up well and I was quite hooked into the story the whole way through.

    I'm a bit disappointed that there wasn't more sword fighting going on. Especially because you seemed to build up the retrieving of a sword as an important thing. Instead, the majority of what I read is long range - shurikens or these chain scythe things - or else just dodging.

    The end of the overall story was good in that it was simple and different but the end of the battle, I feel, could have been better. I guess I just don't like it how these hardcore ninjas all leave just like that (and also I don't like it how Dan was defeated so easily as I mentioned above).

    But well done writing this. You've done something that many others would have great difficulty with and you've done it pretty well.

    Thanks for entering it in my contest.


  • trekkergirl
    August 4, 2008
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    nice. I like ninja stories. You did well


  • Melancholic Smile
    June 19, 2008
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    Great descriptions and a good read thanks for entering my contest and good luck!


  • ForestFaery
    May 9, 2008
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    good read

    thank you for entering it was a gret read... il iked it and hope to read more.


  • secretladyspider
    May 2, 2008

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    It's not bad.

    It's interesting, I give you that. The fight is intense, keeping me on edge... nice work there, I know how difficult that can be. However, it lacks explanation; the reader just kind of has to assume that for some untold reason the main character is being attacked by ninjas. Ninjas are cool... anyway, the detail was good, but the fight does need a little bit more detail here and there; it's long enough, don't worry about that. It's a good story... it just needs some serious explanation.


  • DarkestPassion
    April 28, 2008
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    this is a really good peice


  • Vixen7
    March 9, 2008
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    Great action writing, flowed throughout. Very well written a good read.


  • IxLovexElphiex
    March 6, 2008

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    a very good write!
    could have been gooey-er for my contest.
    but very good nonetheless.
    thanks for entering and good luck.


  • LadyLionnir
    March 3, 2008

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    Awww. It was a very detailed short story and kind of cute, especially with the end but not EXACTLY what I was asking for. I suppose all good things aren't, lol. Um, I just have a few questions: significance of time? Even mention of it? The word limit? I don't think you acknowledged any of those things, but it's honestly a great story and I seen you've won many trophies with it. Thank you for entering the contest and good luck!


  • lovableReese
    February 26, 2008

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    this was awesome. very action filled. great subsriptions. I really enjoyed reading this story. Great Job.


  • Kat222
    February 24, 2008
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    Wow1 i really enjoyed this one, even if it does have the same title as mine lol. who hasn't felt thay way from time to time? your action writing is terrific, and i spotted very few mistakes. i have a similar ending to another fo my stories. we've got to stop having the same creative visions lol awsome Job!


  • always feel pretty
    February 23, 2008

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    Okay, I absolutely love the ending! You've got suspense, action, humor, and love in it. That was sooo good.

    I was a little confused at the beginning when you brought in the ninjas but oh-my-god. The ending? Priceless. I loved it. It might have taken me a little bit to get into the ninja part of it - okay, it took like two seconds. - but it was worth it.


    that was really great.
    thank you sooo much for entering! good luck!
    erica♥xoxo

    ps.
    "About how I'd rather have ninjas attack me than ask you out..."
    *sighs* Love it!


  • SimplyTaylor
    February 23, 2008

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    You've successfully appealed to every audience with this I think. Action, suspense, thrill, surprise, humor, and love. Nicely done! Loved it.


  • Taboo Pixie
    February 11, 2008
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    Nice

    Very entertaining and nicely written, with tension and thrill packed into very word but the final few. I loved it. good job, however I can't..scratch that, I won't judge this entry until you re-read the rules of the contest and do what you were told to do. It might not seem like a big deal, but it's really important that you do that.

  • slashinguk
    January 25, 2008
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    Great ride

    I really enjoyed this, really informed fight scene, great insights, some excellent touches of detail.

    You develop both the protagonist and his chief adversary,Dan, through the story action. Well done. I love it and would enjoy reading more, similar writing.


  • water-spirit-ryuu
    January 24, 2008

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    *jaw dropps*
    coooooool....
    That story was so awasome, completly action-packed, but it ends with a kiss.
    If that's not a twist, nothing is.
    Good Job!
    ^_^

  • Ahava
    July 13, 2007

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    this was a very action packed story. i enjoyed reading it and thought it was very interesting how much you seemed to understand about their fighting methods.

    Good job and excellent write. Congrats on winning silver!


  • xxxWhisper-Sorrowxxx
    June 30, 2007
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    this was really cool. It reminded me of a sort of anime thing. You really know your ninjas. It was well written and so well described, that it was almost like a movie being played in one's head. It held my attention, which is sometimes hard to do. Keep up the good work!


  • zuniac
    June 30, 2007

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    very cool

    I really enjoyed reading this... Very action packed and descriptive so that the action flowed properly... Thanks for a fun filled ride!


  • bakermiddle
    June 25, 2007
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    Pretty Good!

    I'm a huge fan of action stories and I must say that this was one of the better stories of that genre. I did notice a few spelling mistakes though. But I do have one question. Is the main character a boy or a girl? Again, good job and good luck in the contest!

  • Kitzwa
    June 2, 2007

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    I thought there was a lot of good description. Great job explaining exactly what was going on. I would have to agree though that it was hard to tell if your character was a girl or a boy.


  • Rosemary silver member
    May 30, 2007

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    Good Action

    Very nice descriptions of the action going on. I was never sure if you were a girl or a boy even though the kiss was to Kyle. You certainly know your Ninja terminology.


  • Miss Chell
    May 4, 2007

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    Hah! That was really actually entertaining..

    It had some intense action going on, that I did find confusing at some points but that's just because it's hard to write action sequences and for the most part, it was an awesome job.

    I had a love/hate relationship with the fact that Kyle didn't seem affected by anything that was going on.

    Thank you for entering my contest


  • iPoopAThug
    April 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    haha

    Thats so awesome. Geez that ending was awesome. Thats just really so awesome.
    So many grea things, a story about ninjas, which is awesome. Really entertaining, and I gotta say again, that ending is just priceless.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • LostSoulOfRage
    April 20, 2007

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    tnx for entering n im sry for the late comment, it was my computers fault.
    anyways i really liked this story. it was very good. i loved the action in the story. great job and keep up the amazing work. good luck


  • kelseyo
    April 18, 2007

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    This was a good story. It was very touching, and it had a nice twist. My one complaint is that I wanted stories under 1500 words. Good job.
    Kelsey


  • On.Cue
    April 13, 2007
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    Nicely done. I don't get to read many action filled stories =) Good job


  • Vietbabe909
    April 9, 2007

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    i like it...

    i like the ninja thing, azn myself im into that. i like the actions and some juicy parts in there. its good that you hooked the reader in something funny and entertaining. thanks for entering my contest...good job!


  • Seachelle
    March 17, 2007
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    You did a good job on this story, but I think you had too much action and it caused me to stop reading half-way through. The language was good along with excellent grammar, but the details were too over-done in this. Good luck in the contest!
    <3
    Ana


  • beezy92
    March 15, 2007

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    i like

    how the first part is all about thius shuriken and its one of those words you have to research. at least i did lol. it aded depth to the story. you did a good job with the language, the wording, the capture of the moments. i did ask for no gay fiction but i still enjoyed your story (= good luck in the contest


  • Raven Tears gold member
    March 24, 2006
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    Good

    That was great.
    Very action filled and a beautiful touch to the end.
    I really liked it it got me involved it was fun to read.
    Take care and I hope you have more ninja dreams in the future lol.

  • Jinxgirl
    February 20, 2006
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    gets you into the action right away... quite a strong woman lol. I am still a little confused, i guess you
    re next part explains who everyone is and what's happening? thanks for an interesting entry!

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