The Ambiguous Heart

The slopping sound of squished strawberries ended my perfect morning as I felt them crush beneath my toes. Cold, grainy and wet; thier redness against the blank slate of beige carpet further more predicted the future. As a child, I loved eating chilled strawberries but, as I thought it would uplift me again, I found that it only served me depression. Well, now it seems I've outgrown a lot of things from my past.1

The possibility of a fresh, new "optimistic" life frustrated me. I guess leaving old ways are going to be more painful and difficult than what I can bare. I seem to have a lot of time on my hands, I think to feel and plan how to see the positives in nowadays. Life definitely seems better; happier, lighter... but I'm unable to understand this extreme discontent which seems to be tagging along...2

With a heavy sigh of contempt I knelt down and scooped up the mashed bits of strawberry from the beige carpet, splatting them in the bowl that I set down next to me. Missy is gonna KILL me... why did I ever agree to move in with her? Rolling my eyes as I got up from my knees and walked the mash to the kitchen sink. Of course! I'd feel better! I'll think more clearly about my life now out of my parent’s house since graduation. It seems more a drag than before. I dumped the bowl in the sink with a clatter then grabbed a sponge and wet cloth to clean up the mess. Well Missy was right about one thing; I'm not as lazy as before. I sighed again as I knelt down to the bloody mess of red and strawberry seeds on the carpet.3

"Well that was one of the most depressing sighs I have ever heard." Bain looked down at me on the ground before the red mess of goo.4

"Oh man! Missy is gonna slaughter! I'll get the cleaner." He then dashed down the hall. 5

I had frozen in place when he spoke, not knowing he was even there. Missy's room mate was always a handsome guy but I always was able to avoid him before but today he stayed at the apartment while Missy went shopping. She and I weren't too close of friends in the best friend sense but in the provider type she was always there for me. Bain was one of her closest friends and he was always so kind and considerate for me and Missy that I never really knew if he was gay or not. Secretly I wished he wasn't but he'll never know that.6

He came running from down the hall into the tiny living room with a sliding halt that sent him to his side where he immediately went to massively spraying the red stain on the carpet. I continued to scrub at it with the sponge while he sprayed and soaked with the wet cloth as I tried to not look at his gorgeous mop of thick brown hair. It was always so soft and shiny looking. I desperately wanted to touch it. I cleared my throat and concentrated on scrubbing the carpet deeply into a white foam.7

"Dang you got an arm there Ash! Where'd you get that strength? You keeping a secret from me an workin' out when yer here alone all the time?"8

He looked right into her eyes with those dazzling blue orbs of the ocean then smirked with flashing white teeth showing. I was stunned by how close he was and just made a squeak in my throat as a reply. He chuckled then his glance faintly fell to my shirt that had fallen forward in my desperate chance to quickly clean the mess before he came. 9

I blushed darker than the red stain on the carpet and leaned back, pulling my shirt back up. He dropped his gaze and went to cleaning the carpet with as much gusto as she had.10

"I... I'm sorry Ashley, I didn't mean to. You know I'm a guy and I have wandering eyes. I didn't mean to invade your space like that."11

He looked back up at her with those pools of blue freedom that she wanted so much.12

"Forgive me?"13

I covered my mouth an just nodded as I knew I wouldn't be able to make a sound that would be worthy of this marvelous creature. He grinned and went back to cleaning up the stain that was almost to a faint pink now. He got up an grabbed the tools.14

"I'll get some clean water and soap; we'll get it perfect before Missy gets here so she won't know a thing, k?" He then dashed into the kitchen, water ran in the sink. I was still holding the top of my shirt with one soapy hand and covering my lips with the other when sudden anxiety ran cold in my veins. There was a click of a key in the lock on the front door...15

"Shit!"16