Shaynes Addictions Entry 10

Feb. 13/06 (21:23)1

I'm sitting here listening to music and wondering why I'm still on this earth. I've done everything I wanted to and accomplished more than a person has in two lifetimes. Maybe it's all my confusion with all that goes through my mind. Lets face it, what else can I do in this life to help another person? I've destroyed so many lives and didn't stay to pick up the pieces. My mother was right all along. I am a failure, a screw up, a freak, and a burden. I'm nothing, unlike many of you reading this. You will go on and be great, where as I was only meant to live and die in the womb. My mother should have listened to my fathers family and got an abortion. They wouldn't have to deal with me then and neither would my father. He tries to buy my love with money ad small impressive gifts. He doesn't understand, he never will. He wants me as his little princess who will never grow up. Father wanted me to continue my dreams from when I was little. A high paying job with lots of feedback from awards associations. He wanted me to be his star. I'm far from what he wanted me to be. I want a job with little money, no feedback, ad joy from helping other people. Though, now I have given all those dreams up. My sister pinned me as her gateway out of this hell hole but, she too has given up on me. Shes settled down with a nice guy, and is planning to have kids in the near future. They've been together for about two years ad already have a house of their own. I was the one both sides of the family thought would make it anywhere. They put all the pressure on me. So I just want to tell you I've been through a lot more than you think. I'll be here for ayone who needs me. No matter what,I'll be around to lend a hand. Well, Shayne going to takeover now from my incomprehensible tactics. Good night and sweet dreams.2

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(21:46) Once again, I'm sorry for that. She had a bit of time to waste before I came out. Amy and I were texting eachother all day. It's good for a little giggle here or there. Ian and I spoke for a few short minutes. I just got a text from Amy to call her. Seth ad a friend were here for a while drinking, taking, and smoking. Amy just took a beep. Well, I'm going to work on some new pieces. Good night and sweet dreams...4