Mystery Of Love -or- All The Wrong Places

I hear a gasp, some whispers, and then an explosion of giggles. I groaned and opened my eyes at the exact moment the light was turned on. I groaned louder and covered my face to block out the blinding light but it was too late, a headache was already forming behind my eyes. I growled softly and then sat up straight and looked around. A few girls tried to fake it, pretending to still be asleep, while the rest just looked at me with wide, innocent eyes but they weren't’t fooling me, I could see the sparkle in their young eyes and a small smile upon each of their lips. The youngest, 8-year-old Lexi, just pointed at my side table. I looked over my shoulder, and then whirled around to get full view of the sea of roses encompassing the small desk. A single card lay atop the largest bloom. As I read it I felt my face burn, and I knew that my face was turning that horrible dark red that it always turned when I was embarrassed. 1

In beautiful, loopy handwriting that I did not recognize was a single sentence: “To the most beautiful flower in the garden state, Heather.” I flipped the card over but found no signature. I was paralyzed, lost in the hurricane of thoughts whipping round in my head. One of the older girls crept up to me, then snatched the card from me and read it aloud for the others, who burst into another gale of laughter and kissy noises.2

I watched from outside the window. Her eyes were as large as our dinner plates and her face was getting redder by the minute. I felt that sensation I always get when she smiles, my knees going a little bit weak. I was the one who made her smile now, and the only bad part was that she would never know it was me.3

I was distracted the rest of the week. The senior camp counselors took notice and gave me Friday off to clear my head, freeing me off mess hall cleanup and arts and crafts duty. I was only 16, but I had a lot of responsibilities. The biggest was being a camp counselor, in charge of the smallest cabin at Camp Sunshine. I was responsible for 14 younger girls, with the oldest being 15-year-old Violet. I gave Violet the unofficial title of Jr. Jr. counselor. She helped me keep control of the middle ones, with their raging hormones and pre-teen bunnyiness. I left her in charge of supervising cabin cleanup that evening as well. 4

Who could have left all those flowers for me? I thought to myself as I absent-mindedly braided a long-stemmed daisy into my blond hair. No one from the guy’s camp would be able to get across the lake unnoticed, would they? Unless they swam it, but only Ja- I interrupted my own thought. Jack! It must be him! He’s the best swimmer on staff. But he’s not that bright or romantic…and everyone knows he only likes red-heads. I’m not even attracted to him…he’s so shallow and unintelligent. My thoughts were interrupted again, but this time it was by Lexi, who wanted me to watch her do a cartwheel. I’ll have to think about this some more, I thought as I got up to give Lexi a standing ovation.5

I worried all week that she would figure it out. I tried to act like I cared about the younger campers, their arts and crafts or canoe races, but I was too distracted. How could she figure it out though?  I asked myself. She’ll never be able to tell. And the hardest part was, I didn't know whether that made me happy or made me want to cry.6

Later that night, we sat around our little campfire and all the girls gave us short play-by-plays of their days. 13-year-old Veronica, Lexi’s cousin, started a sing-along and I hummed to the tune while I stared into the flames. 7

“Hello, Earth to Heather?” I looked up and all eyes were on me. “What? Sorry, I got lost for a minute.” They all laughed and so did I.8

“I asked you whether or not you had an idea who your admirer is?” Veronica said slowly.9

“Oh…well I have an idea. I’ll let you guys know.” Disappointed, they went back to their own conversations and I went back to my thoughts.10

After rounding up the kids and shooing them into the cabin, I took a few minutes to just breathe. I knew that once Violet noticed I wasn't there she would take over till lights out. I'd be back by then.11

I took a deep breath looked through the few rows of trees between our cabin and the shore. I saw the moon reflecting against the slightly wavy water. I had the sudden urge to run through the trees and just jump right in but it faded as I heard something moving in the bushes. I whirled around and saw Violet coming towards me. Her large blue eyes brimmed with tears, and she was shaking slightly. I felt my heart catch in my throat. A strange feeling sent shivers through me but I didn't have time to analyze it. "Oh god," I choked out, "Violet, what is it? Is it one of the girls?"12

She shook her head and took a ragged breath. "Is it true, Heather? Is it really true you have a clue as to who your admirer is?" She searched my eyes with a desperate intensity. I couldn't react for a minute. "Heather, PLEASE! Tell me...Who do you think it is?!?" A single tear slid down her face. It made me want to cry, as well. 13

"I don't know...maybe Jack. But I hope not. He's the only one who makes sense. But I really don't know for sure. God, Vi, take a chill pill, you're kind of freaking me out here." I smiled at her reassuringly, and she did calm down. Her breathing went back to normal and she stopped shaking. But when she looked up, something in her eyes did not match the strange smile playing on her lips. Like my answer hadn't really satisfied her. I took her by the arm and we walked back to the cabin together. She didn't meet my eyes once through lights out, and she went to bed before anyone. Didn't bother to change or say goodnight. I was so tired though...I couldn't stay awake long enough to wonder.14

I lost my head. I don't know what I was thinking. I couldn't even breathe. I tried to make myself stop but my legs were taking orders from my heart. Why has my sense of logic left me in this, my time of need? She probably thinks I'm crazy.15

I had all the morning jobs. I was so busy I didn't even have breakfast or lunch. At 2:30 my senior counselor told me I was done for the day. I wandered around from cabin to cabin, just watching all the carefree little girls braiding beads and feathers into each others hair, painting their little faces, making friendship bracelets and pop-stick birdhouses. All my thoughts swarmed around together like bees, filling my head with a buzz that I couldn't clear. Jack...it can't be Jack but it must be...he's the only one who could possibly do it...what was up with Violet last night? She seemed so scared...of what though? The strange feelings that had given me shivers the night before came back to me as the image of Violet with that tear flowing quietly down her face flashed in my mind. I mentally paused the image. That look in her eyes...scared, desperate, a hint of relief. An all-around aura of confusion. I realized suddenly that I enjoyed those feelings in my stomach that made me tremble. Not your stomach, you idiot! my body said to me. Your heart. 16

And then it clicked. No...it couldn't have been Jack. Like I'd thought all along, he wasn't smart or romantic enough. He didn't like blonds, only redheads, which showed how shallow he was. The only thing that made sense, the only person who completed the puzzle...17

was Violet.18

OK, I said to myself. When I see her next, I'll just calmly and coolly apologize for acting so strange, Then all I'd have to do would be avoid her for the rest of the summer.....Right, great plan.19

I asked her to meet me an hour after lights out by the old docks that the senior counselors said were unsafe, but which the junior counselors used for night-time dips sometimes. I left 15 minutes earlier so that there was no way she would arrive first. I felt a little nervous and foolish. What if I'm wrong? What if she's not the one and it was Jack all along? I'll have to hang myself, that's what if, I laughed to myself. My excitement overpowered my doubts and I just waited in eager anticipation.20

Oh, God. I thought to myself. She's realized it and is so grossed out she's taking me to the far side of the lake so that she can scream at me how wrong and disgusting this was. I was shaking like a leaf. I thought of turning around but something kept me going.21

She walked through the bushes just in time. The moon reflected off her eyes and I let myself get lost in their deep blue-ness for a moment. Then I smiled at her. "Violet?" I said softly, "I am going to ask you something and I want you to be totally honest with me. And I have to warn you...if you don't have the answer I'm hoping for I may cry. Alright? Promise me you'll answer me honestly?"22

This is it. She wants me to be honest. I cannot lie to her. I took a deep breath and said "Yes, of course I will answer your question honestly."23

I looked at her looking at me through her long brown bangs and longed to brush them back so that we could look each other square in the eyes. But I had to hear her answer first...that was far too intimate a gesture for me to make just yet. I blurted it before I could let my mind stop me. "Violet...are you my secret admirer?" Then I held my breath and prayed.24

"Yes...Yes, Heather I am your secret admirer. I think that I have loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you." Wow, that was more than I had meant to say. I closed my eyes and hung my head, but the sound of her joyful laugh made me look up.25

I was so happy I thought I would burst. I threw my arms around her waist and picked her up, spinning around. "Thank God!" I laughed again and she laughed with me. It sounded like music, our sounds of joy dancing together in the air as we spun beneath the moonlight. Almost like magic.26

She was holding me. We were laughing and spinning and I felt my heart swelling beyond capacity. Then she did something that I had been dreaming of since the moment I saw her at Camp Sunshine's gate.27

I kissed her. It was glorious. We kissed, us two summer girls, summer loves, and I was so glad that I didn't care who saw as I picked her up again and waded in the water, letting the water rush over us and the moon cleansed us of all worries. I had been looking for love in all the wrong places. But all that mattered was that I found it. I had solved the mystery. The mystery of the flowers, yes. But also, the mystery of love.28