I'm sorry. Sorry to who? Myself. My parents. My friends. Everyone who I have ever tortured by just being me. I'm so sorry.1
I'm sorry I love. I'm sorry I'm a teenager in love. But I just can't help it. It is ingrained into my soul just as a plant's roots burrow into the earth.2
My friends are so bored with me. He is all I ever talk about...3
I'm sorry.4
My parents say it is a waste of time. Focus on more important things...5
I'm sorry.6
I'm sorry that I ever saw it...and him. Though I love loving him, it would have been better if I never had. Look at what it's earned me.7
Nothing but badness from everyone but myself. Everyone tells me to let it go, forget about it, get over it. But I am telling you now, I just...I can't. I can't. I can't. Believe me, I've tried. Tried my hardest. But I CAN'T.8
I'm sorry I can't.9
I'm sorry that I can't shut up already. Sorry I can't be the perfect friend who does what you like to do and talks about the things you want to talk about, dresses and looks the way you like. Sorry I can't be the perfect, responsible daughter to my parents. I can't be the most loving, fun big sister in the whole world to my brother.10
I'm sorry. 11
People say it is obsession. Friends tell me I am...'bipolar'. A freak who can't control herself.12
I'm sorry.13
But I'm just in love.14
I've never been in love quite like this before. Love to me meant a cute boy, a funny personality that I like above the rest. Love meant a shy hug before parting. Love meant holding hands under the table in chemistry class.15
That was not love.16
Love is thoughts. Thoughts indescribable to the outside. Love is thinking, even if you cannot be with that person, of every little thing about them, and absolutely positively adoring every piece of them. Body and soul. Mind and spirit. Every single freak'n part of what makes them as human as anybody else.17
No one understands. I don't know if they care. If they do, I'm glad. I'm freak'n tired of getting slammed for this love. If they don't, so be it. No one asked you to even try to understand.18
But then again, no one asked me to tell the world.19
So, I'm sorry.20
I'm sorry I tried to help people near to me understand this...feeling. I should have known that no one could understand.21
But I just couldn't help it.22
I was so...happy. For the first time in a long time, I experienced real love. And I was happy. Filled with joy. Bubbling with laughter. I couldn't help it.23
I'm sorry.24
But I will never stop loving. Like it or not, love exists. And when people feel it for the first time, they are excited. It is a new feeling. Something their heart has never experienced before for another person. They want to tell someone. They cannot keep it to themselves.25
Could you?26
I'm sorry for everything bad that has come out of this feeling for this person. Â But I want everyone reading this to know one thing:27
I will never stop loving. Ever. The feeling itself keeps me going.28
Author notes
This is about a love that has been going on for approxiamtely...well, a LONG time. And everybody despises it. Except me of course. But I can't help it. Love has a mind of its own...
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Comments
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My dear friend. I apologize to you. Because when I read this I laughed out loud. I know it's rude and mean and so many other things, but when I read that I heard your voice over the phone crying the familiar cry of "I'm sorry". And I hear myself saying over and over. Don't be. Don't be. Don't be. I have never experienced love like you have. But someday I wish to. So therefor I don't critisize. Or else the evil little people from the land of Carma will come to get me. So I say to you I am sorry I can't understand yet.
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I like the way you described love, but personally the fact you used the word love, or a variation thereof, to describe it ("absolutely positively loving every piece of them") I think spoiled it slightly. If you had been able to keep up the description without using the word love, or again variation thereof, that would of been very powerful.
Its sad that people can't accept who you love. I don't think you have to apologise, simply turn up your nose and accept that they're all being idiots and can't see what a wonderful person you've fallen in love with and be happy for you. If they can't see that, they have to be blind. Your parents should be the most accepting, for are they not in love themselves? Do they not know how it feels? It is disgusting that two people who are in love or know the way you feel can't accept it.
Sad story.. but well written. -
Lil' sister!!! wahhhhhhhhh...
... I'll tell you what, I don't blame you for being upset with people who can't deal with you loving someone like that!!! You nailed the meaning right to my heart when you said,
"Love is thoughts. Thoughts indescribable to the outside. Love is thinking, even if you cannot be with that person, of every little thing about them, and absolutely positively loving every piece of them. Body and soul. Mind and spirit. Every single freak'n part of what makes them as human as anybody else."
That really spoke to me... And it is really hard not to tell anyone that you love someone... Although my parents don't know who I love... well... on the other hand... I think they do... I just haven't told them... oh well...
Above all that you should remember in this comment, remember this:
KEEP LOVEING WHO YOU LOVE!!! and never change it!!!
Your bro'
Deuce ♥
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