The Cold

I awoke feeling ill. For the past few days, or perhaps years, I had been overcome with such an illness, not of the body, but of the mind. The pillow next to me was cold this morning. To be perfectly honest, it has been for years. Every morning I have to bear the cold.1

Strawberries.2

That is what she would have suggested. 3

I stumbled lazily down the stairs, one hand pathetically grasping at the railing, the other massaging my forehead in an attempt to ease my incessant migraine. I reached the kitchen and stared at my reflection in the refridgerator door. 4

She just had to have stainless steel.5

I eventually found some strawberries in the back of the refridgerator, but struggled in my attempt to open the tupperware lid. I finally ripped it off, with much too great a force, and sent strawberries flying everywhere. Enough were left in the tupperware that I ignored the others, as I had ignored many things in life. However, the strawberries who had traveled overboard refused to go down alone.6

Squish! I stepped on the fallen strawberries.. Their cold, grainy & wet feeling irked me as my blank future irritated me. As a child I loved eating chilled strawberries with whipped cream & I thought it would uplift me again. Well, I am older now, and have outgrown a lot of things from my past.7

The easy possibility I had of a fresh new optimistic life frustrated me rather than making me feel good. I guess leaving sick old ways was going to be more painful & difficult than what I bore, rather others bore, while going through them! Hmmm.. Now a days I seem to have a lot of time in my hands to think & feel & plan.. now that I have stopped complaining & started to see the positives in life. Life definitely seems better, happier, lighter.. But I am unable to understand this extreme discontent, which seems to be tagging along.8

Just relax. Clear your head.9

That's what she would have said.10

My beautiful Amy, taken from me three years ago. A portion of myself much too large to describe was taken with her. Others pulled me up; friends, family...and I guess it worked, somewhat. As I stated earlier, life seemed better. But the idea of her absence is always with me.11

Every morning I have to bear the cold.12