Beyond The Storm-- Chapter1

Chapter One1

Despite the warmth she had surrounded herself in Amy couldn't shield herself from the cold bitterness that was surrounding her heart.  Of all the years she had waited to come home this had to be the hardest year to wait.  She felt the guilt of not coming back on top of the pain and anxiety that she felt from the memories that continued to flood her memory.  Today she was twenty-five and the only thing her heart wanted to celebrate was another year alive. 2

Outside her window she watched as the winds shuffled snow banks higher up until they could reach over a person head.  Watched the kids make lopsided snowmen in the excitement of the first winter storm of the season.  It had been a nice one to.  It took her a day longer to get home than it should have, gave her a headache but most of all it brought peace as only a silent snowfall on the coast of Maine could.  Her 3 A.M. coast into downtown Mitchell Bay had given her a small sense of warmth she craved inside.  She was home. The only home she wanted to remember.  Her other she wished she could forget.3

The little she did remembered still made her wish she could run away from it all.  The pain that shot through her body, her father’s angry face.  The soft cries of her mother as she was wrapped in something warm and rocked.  The distinctive smell of burning plastic as fire ate away at her house.  She couldn't understand it all.  Even after all the years of counseling and court cases.  None of it helped, she merely smiled and pretended to be affected and able to live with it.  It was still raw in her stomach and fresh in her mind.   4

Smiling she placed her hand on the chilled window pain and looked down into the boxy SUV her family was in.  Her lady in shining armor along with her two lads now turned knights, who took away the pain.  5

Momma Jess as the locals called her was simply momma to Amy.  The only women she ever thought she could love as completely as she loved her mother.  Jess had saved her without a second though, Jess offered her a life she might not have had and love that was eternal and without boundaries.  She's the first person Amy saw when she woke in the hospital and the first person that didn't show pity to the little girl whose mother had died by her father’s hand.  That alone was enough for Amy but Jess gave her more.6

She woke up in so much pain, she wanted to cry to scream, but there was no way she could.  When she opened her eyes the world was blurry but full of color.  She felt a cool hand brush across her forehead and her heart leapt with joy.  She wasn't alone anymore.  Not like she had been.  7

The steady beeping of a nearby machine took away the attention of the cool hand and a slow melodic humming replaced it.  She wanted to sleep but refused to.  She had slept enough; she had wanted to go home.  To find her momma.  Her eyes grew heavy as the realization she didn't have a home and it confused her young mind.  As a lone fat teardrop fell from her eye she drifted off to the sound of the melodic humming.8

She couldn't remember how long she slept, just that she was in and out.  Every time she came back the humming remained things became clearer and she started to feel better.  Her throat wasn't on fire anymore and the beeping had stopped.  If she listened really hard she could hear the soft voice of the other nurses in the distance.   In a moment of desperation she tried to sit up.  She heard herself call for her mom but it only came out as a whisper. Then the humming stopped.  She remember panicking at that moment, the humming had stopped they had gone away whoever it was.  That was quickly washed away buy the mass of red hair and wide smile that hovered above her.  The same smile she was looking at now from her second floor window.  Momma Jess knew she was home.  It seems a million words passed through them as they smiled at each other and at that moment Amy knew she was where she needed to be. 9

Turning from the window seat she unwrapped herself from her blanket and started to stretch.  A quick look in the mirror had her frowning.  Her mound of chestnut curls was a no end frizz beneath the ponytail she put it in.  Her skin looked pale from the lack of sun she deprived herself of.  But above it all her wide emerald eyes, a gift from her mother, shined with a happiness she hadn't seen in them for some time.  With a wide smile she jogged out of her room down the hall, as she did so many times before in her life.  Nothing had changed.  Momma Jess left all the kids rooms the same.  The only changes that were made were the kids themselves.10

Hitting the bottom step she turned towards the kitchen just in time to see her oldest brother Seth step in through the back door.  Her smile widened as she ran full force into his arms.11

He hadn’t seen her coming.  He didn't even know she was home but boy did he know now.  Every muscle in his body tightened as he dropped the groceries he was carrying and enveloped her in his arms.  His Amy was home and in his arms again.  He could die a happy man.  12

Giggling uncontrollably Amy was spun into a lip-smacking kiss.  Her heart leapt and she smiled into the big brown eyes of her youngest brother Aden.  13

“Is that any way to treat a girl now Aden?”  Teasingly fluttering her eyelashes at him.14

His heart had feel to his knees when he saw her.  All at once he wanted to kick her ass and kiss her.  He decided on the first option would take to much time and he'd do that later.  “I don’t see a girl, I see a woman.  An Ugly one at that!”   15

“Now I will not have any of that in my house until we have put all these groceries away and I get to see the face of my Ladybug” The well of pride almost overwhelmed her as she looked at her three babies.  None by birth but all by heart.  How could she ever regret her choice to adopt and foster when she had so much joy when she saw them all together.16

She hadn't changed.  At lest not in Amy's eyes.  Pushing Aden away from her she turned to the only mother she ever really knew and smiled.  “Hi Momma, I'm sorry I came in so late last night I hope I didn't wake you.”  Not knowing what to do Amy looked at her feet.17

“Nonsense!”  Satisfied when Amy’s head shot up with a smile.  Knowing well enough when her family came and went she heard her from a mile away but only smiled and curled back into a peaceful sleeping knowing all her babies were under her roof again. “Are you going to stand there and look at my wider hips and graying hair or you going to come over here and give me a hug?”18

She smelled of cinnamon and faintly of mint and it filled her senses.  She had forgotten what it was like to be home and now she hated herself for running away.  The warmth she felt in those arms brought tears to her eyes and relief that only Momma Jess could give someone.  To even think Momma Jess would be mad at her was a crazy thought.19

“Happy Birthday Ladybug” Jesse smiled.20

“I thought everyone had forgotten.  I haven't been home since I turned 20.”  Embarrassment overcame her and color began to works its way up her cheeks.21

“So you think I'd drag myself out of the house during this cold ass storm to go to the store for no reason.  I could have sent the boys for that!”22

“Oh, thanks Mom.” Seth smiled “You could have told us.”23

“I wasn't sure myself but I know my Ladybug and I knew she was coming home.  I got everything to make your favorite foods.”  Clapping with excitement she took Amy’s hand.24

“Why don’t you and I let the boys handle this stuff and me and you go in the living room and start a fire momma?”  Out of the corner of her eye she could see her brothers roll their eyes and pout.25

“That sounds good.  Dinner will be ready soon enough.  So I want you boys to get more wood for the fire and go wash up for dinner Amy and me have some things to talk about.”26

Watching the two women in his life he loved the most walk out of the kitchen he elbowed his brother in the ribs “Did you have to look at her like that for Christ's sake?”27

“Like what?”  Denial racked Seth like a speeding train.28

“Something never change” Aden muttered as they walked out into the drifting snow.29

It wasn't a Sunday dinner, but it looked like it.  With a banquet of different foods all set out on the table.  Her mouth watered at the sight and decided she let herself go hungry long enough.   Her appetite lately just wasn't there but she did have a smaller waist for it.  With a sigh she placed a hand on her stomach and looked out the kitchen window.  “Not for very much longer.” She whispered.30

They didn't live on the water but close enough to see it if you wanted to.  She spent many a summer’ day watching the boats in the bay.  Wishing just once she could hop on one and sail away.  She did a few times but she always came back a few days later if she was brave enough or pissed enough.  Usually she was home within a few hours.  Momma Jess was always patient with her.  Seem to understand her somehow.  Seemed to understand everything.  She felt him behind her and everything in her seemed to sigh.31

“Seth.  If you even think of doing that I'm going to turn around and deck you so hard it will make up for the last five years.”32

Suppressing a chuckle because he had to admit she was good.  He’d have to ask her how she always knew who was behind her, on the phone and in trouble, which was often.  All he was trying to do was make her jump.  “What, I was just going to tell you dinner is done.”  Noticing her hand he stepped closer behind her and placed his on hers.  “You OK Amy?”33

The moment his hand touched her everything came flooding back.  She felt it all.  Everything she had tried so hard to suppress.  Everything He was still trying to suppress.  It made her want to run all over again.  Shaking her head clear, she pressed her free hand to her heart and continued to look out the window.  “Yeah I was just thinking that's all.”34

“Oh, I thought that was smoke from across the way.”  He said pointing to the chimney across the street.35

“Ha, Ha what a funny one you are.”36

“Yeah, well my real dad is a comedian. Go figure.  I'm his Idea of a joke.”37

The sadness in his voice stopped her.  Turning now she looked up at him to see troubled eyes.  “Seth, did you find him?  What happened?  What did he say?  What did Momma Say?”  38

“Nothing its OK well talk about it during dinner.  We have a lot to talk about.”  He bent to press a quick kiss to her brow.  “If we don't hurry Aden will have cleaned us out and Momma will be mad.”39

With a sigh and a laugh she took his hand and was pulled into the dining room.  Nothing was going to prepare her now.  She had to face facts and face the things she ran away from.  She had to be honest and she had to be open to whatever may come.  They were her family.  Not by blood, but none the less family.    Momma Jess took them all in.  Adopted the boys, but never adopted Amy.  That was something she told herself to find out.  She needed answers to so many questions and she needed to ease the fear that was growing inside if her along with the human life she carried.  40

As she sat through dinner, she took the time to look them all over.  To see the people five years had changed them to.  Each one she saw as their own work of art, Aden with his sandy blond hair and chocolate brown eyes.  He'd let his hair grow out, which she liked it made his face stand out more and gave him this new age bad ass look but with a boyish charm and face.  Only a year younger than her He had turned into the successful Physical therapist in sports medicine and was working at the college where only last year he played football for.41

Seth on the other hand seems to have changed the most.  When she left he was a wiry man. At twenty-three he was in school to become a teacher.  He had this bohemian quality about him and his long ebony hair fell past his shoulders and covered his lake blue eyes.  But today his hair was cut short then spiked nicely and naturally as he added.  It accented his deep features and handsome face.  The eyes the same only not hidden still seemed to look straight into her.  At twenty-eight Seth had grown into a well-rounded respected man who still made her blood boil shamefully and skillfully.  He was in his first year as principle of Mitchell Bay Middle School and loved every minuet of it.  Her pride in her brothers spilled over into the love of a mother they were all proud of.42

Reaching fro her drink Amy smiled into her mother’s face.  “Momma, you’re still as beautiful today as you were the first day I saw you as a baby.”   She saw the age but it only enhanced her features.  She looked healthy and happy and that's all that mattered.43

“You my little Ladybug...” She said pointing her fork from the head of the table. “...Need to put some weight on.  You’re all bones and I don't like the look of you.  You should have been ashamed not talking care of your body like I taught you.”44

Amy felt like a child again.  Chastised and guilty of the crimes she committed in the eyes of her mother.  She knew this was coming but it was only half of what she deserved. “I’m sorry momma.  I'm starting to take care of myself again.”45

Aden wasn't getting the answers he wanted out of her.  As he sat there and looked at her he felt the love for her but he also felt the pain of abandonment she left in her wake.  She had the answers to his questions.  Swirling his wine in his glass he looked into it.  “So why did you leave Amy?”46

Amy fumbled her fork and looked at Seth and cleared her throat.  “Well what do you mean?”  Play dumb.  Will give you time to think.47

Anger shot through him and he slammed his fist on the table.  “That’s bull shit Amy!  We all know that.  You left but always came back before, this time you didn't.  What did you think we were going to do!”48

Looking over to Jess Amy lowered her head.  “It wasn't my entire fault!  So don’t you dare get angry with me like this!  I have my reasons...I had my reasons.”  Frustration shot through her as she stood.  “I had no choice and I didn't come home to have you of all people interrogate me!49

Turning from her seat Amy threw down her napkin.  “I knew I shouldn't have come back.”50

Exhausted and spent Amy walked out of the dining room and into the family room.  Everything here reminded her of the reason she left.  The pain, the fear of disrespecting Jesse the denial reflected back in every photo on the walls.  On every plush, worn couch she once slept on the clay bowls and sculptures she made for the home.  All in its cozy glory it sat there as a reminder of who she was and why she left.  He was behind her again.  This time she turned to face him.  She saw pain reflected in his eyes along with understanding and compassion and it made her want to slap him then cling to him to bring back what she lost.51

He saw the tears hidden by her lowered face and he almost fell to his knees.  God how he still loved this women.  He knew he pushed her away.  He knew whatever she had over come or faced in the past five years was part his fault.  He didn't know what to say or do.  She had wanted to slap him.  It didn't take a diploma to see that in her eyes.  Taking her hand he pulled her into his arms.  “Hit me if you want to, I don’t care I deserve it.  I don’t know what else to say but I’m sorry.”52

The safety she felt in his arms didn't stop her from pulling away from him in anger.  “You’re sorry!  I’m gone five years and all you have to say is your sorry!  This was such a waste.”  At the top of the steps she turned to look at him and instantly regretted it.53

When he heard her bedroom door slam he let the breath he was holding out in one long whoosh.  “No Amy, I have so much I want to say to you.  I was wrong.”  Sitting on the couch he put his face in his hands and tried to steady himself.54

Hours later when the house fell silent, Jesse lit her bedroom candles and opened her bedroom chest.  The smell of cedar and pressed flowers made her smile, this always brought back so many memories.  Its priceless contents were neatly stacked and wrapped with care.  Over the years she had saved little things from her babies life.  The first outfits they came to live with.  Having nothing but the clothes on their back, the first report cards the first birthday candles.   Anything just to hold the memories of her life with her babies.  55

Picking up the little dress she bought for Amy while she was in the hospital she rubbed the soft fabric across her cheek.  She was so small and so scared.  They all were.  As soon as she received the 9 P.M. phone call she knew what she had to do.  Pushing aside a few boxes she reached inside and carefully pulled out the cardboard box addressed to her but filled with contents belonging to the only daughter she ever wanted.  56

Opening the now brittle box she picked up a single letter and smiled at it.  “Mary, I think the time is right.  I’ll do well by you.  I miss you so much.”  The aging paper faintly smelled of the lavender her sister loved to wear.   Scanning the letter she sat back on her bed and began to read....57

My Dearest Sister,58

It’s been many years since I have been able to gather the courage to send you word from me; and me hurts to say it’s partly my fault.  I've allowed things to get so out of hand I can’t control the smallest things in my life now.  I'm writing this in hope your do something fro me and keep a promise for me.  I know live broken a promise to you and I can’t bring myself to accept I'm wrong but I was.  59

I’m so scared sister.  More scared then the first day I met you.  Even then you were there to help me figure out where I was going but now...I'm so lost without you.  I fear for my daughter’s life, more than my own.  I thought could make my marriage work, change the things that have happened.  But live learned no one can really change someone who doesn't want to be changed.60

While cleaning my house I found some things I need you to keep safe for me.  They are the keys to things that could be dangerous to others.  It won’t hurt you I promise.  Id like Amy to have them if I'm not able to give them to her myself.  Whatever happens please take care of my little girl.   She is so much like you Jesse.  You became part of me and she became a part of you.  I love you both so much.  I'm sorry for the pain I have cased.  Please tell my daughter I love her and I will always be with her.61

On her five and twentieth birthday give her what I have sent you.  Fill her with the love I have longed to give her.  It’s to late for me now but it’s not for her.  Help her be strong and to follow her heart.62

Light a candle for me Jesse and keep this box safe.   Until the day we meet again upon the emerald feels of home blessed be my sister.63

                                      With Love,64

Sister65

Letting a tear from her mossy green eyes Jesse folded the letter and carefully returned it to its weathered envelope.  “I hope I've done well by you Mary.  Seems to me something is going on with our ladybug and she's not ready to admit it.”66

Blowing out all but one candle she placed the box on her dresser for easy access for the morning and climbed onto her bed.  “Sometimes when you love someone you have to run until you’ve run full circle back where you started?  She’s done that now she's brought back so many things she never thought she could.  I didn’t start this to loose now.  Our Girl will be fine.  My boys on the other hand.  They have something coming all right.”67

As she fell asleep she heard the light sobbing across the hall and smiled.  “The girls finally letting it all out.”68