PREFACE1
Day rises, noons, nite falls...2
Are they yet, so lengthy and dreary?3
Days of Dragon Domain were brimmed with fire and flickering altars; the middays were of affrays and sparring.4
The nites, I could fight the utmost gilding scuffles in the stead of breathing through those nites.5
Hearing all: being of the council of the First City, hearing every word of every death.6
"Emperor Glerriod the Red Blade dies by nite..."7
"The theft was completed, every evidence depleted..."8
"Let her be wracked and bit apart with blazing blades, her pelf and worth to Dheyffer..."9
The arduous hands belted the carrel.10
Every of the thousand flames that awashed the ashlar cabinet bickered and half blustered into darkness.11
"This sanguinary domain may demand my existence and aid..." he stood featly and raised four tomes from the wooded carrel and held them in his arms, blaring the impression of a costly treasure.12
"...yet, my hatred for it and the council is in the forefront of my vision..."13
He walked the icy paces to the lancet window and fissured down the stained glass, deftly and without a crumb of remorse.14
Wind addressed into his face and curved his robes and hindered his sight.15
It was nite.16
The hated nite, a perfect nite.17
He then, bethought it was also the nite Nhera Moonscale was to die.18
And...19
...He near disremembered to breath for an extensive moment.20
"Tonite King Ackuivark passes into death..."21
He had not seen his king in near fifty nites, not given counsel or conferred, not even beheld the hand that invincibly clenched the scepter, nor the head that bore the crown.22
He let his thoughts return to the window; his devoirs to that king were now over.23
The scape bellow was a deep crag, surrounding the walls of the turret, a crag black and abrupt.24
And about the edges of the opposite side of the cliffs were encamped, the Glaathyn host, an army of thirty thousand foot men, eight thousand crossbowmen, and two thousand knights with bellfries at their backs that loomed aloft like gallows in the nite.25
Somewhere in the nite sky a crow shrieked, a step was heard.26
He turned his face. Who would come here? Why?27
She was thin with the facade of an ice spear, cold and white, eyes of black and ermine stoles and sandals she wore.28
Her hair curled and twisted down her back and her lips moved to speak.29
"The council knows, we know. Do not what thou intends, end not this life yea live."30
He breathed a hard fogged breath and spat his face away back to the lancet window.31
The moon looked into his face and made him pale as she.32
"Death is not for thee, not yet, Wharkell so, foresaw."33
He allowed his eyes to aline with hers, another candle died away.34
"None was more apt to die."35
"No, false be your thoughts, yea were meant to accomplish more."36
"To who's profit? I have seen no personal gain from what deaths I have ensured with my own gold."37
"You will live, you will be great."38
"I will sooner falsify every word." he snarled.39
She stoned for a crumb, then gazed passed his face to the moon, as if beseeching an answer.40
Her face morphed whiter than ceruse and her eyes mirrored the light of the benited sky.41
He knew not a word, not a movement, except for one, and of all others he cared not.42
In that short moment when she looked to the moon, he looked to the crag, and drew himself to it, and fell.43
A thousand arrows broke from the encampment on the ridge.44
A half dozen well-shot arrows pierced the falling form and others hit the tower walls, his form fell and fell...45
...died and bled, in the deep blackness of the crag...46
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Hello!Congrats on making on the HM list,you may now enter the Class A winner takes all contest.
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Now, I must say, this is good, but there's little things that bother me, like spelling, and yes, I am a grammar freak too. Most of the time you're good with both, but 'nite' ? It's spelled 'night' and that really got on my nerves because it was distracting. Now, as for your use of Old English, fairly well done, and it adds a little tone to your story. Kind of classy, really. And I must say, that the reason I didn't rate higher was cause this is only a beginning piece, you have other stuff I think I'll read, which I almost KNOW for certain I'll want to rate highly, so I rated this one lower to save the good stuff. Must say, favorite part in this is:
"I will sooner falsify every word." he snarled.
Good turn there.beginning: 3, language: 2, plot: 4, overall: 6, ending: 3, dialog: 5, characters: 3.
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I really shouldn't have...but, the "nite" was quite intentional for unnecesary variety...I read somewhere it was british variant for "night"...and some fantasy books change normal word or name spellings for originality... lol, it's not worth the confusion though, I'll quit on that word then...still flattered by your comment!
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WHOA!this is kick butt on high!Keep it up!
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 3.
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This is really good but not what i am looking for i mean modern reality and this is a bit to fanatical, knights and dragons for my liking. this is an amazing peice of work it just doesnt fit the profile so you dont qualify for the prizes, thankyou for applying just the same and good luck for the future
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I really liked it, just my luck I found it on a boring day! Thank you!
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Thanks, thanks, n thanks again.:0)
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cool preface!!! You have good style of writing I like it!
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U actually READ IT!!!
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Great work. I seriously like your style of writing. It has depth and is unique.
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good
Abstract, well worded, viewed from different perspectives, I applaud.
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