The Man With A Broken Brain

My name is Dena,1

This story is about me.  What happened to me at the age of twenty five.2

I was born on June 30 1974.  I was born 1lb 8oz.  I was three months early.  My mother who was old enough to know better at her age decided to do cocaine when she was pregnant with me.  My father at the time was doing the same thing.  Apparently they did not seem to care that they had me to think about.  Here I am a baby that did not decide that I wanted to be conceived.  Here I am having to go through all of this crap of having to have this stuff in my system.  What they decided to do took it's toll on me.  3

After I was born.  I had to stay in the hospital off and on for three and a half years.  I was so sick that I had to be on a ventilator.4

I had to have so much medicine to just keep me alive.5

I ended up having seizures and all sorts of other medical problems.6

I believe after a month or so in the hospital.  The doctors decided that I was well enough to go home.  When the doctors sent me home.  Apparently my mother and father beat and abused me.  To the point that I ended up at the Emergency Room dead.7

I died five times as a baby.  I was than removed from my parents custody.  The state of Oklahoma took over from that point on.8

I was in the Department of Human Services care now.9

I was in the hospital a little while longer.  Until the day came that a couple came in who was wanting to adopt a child with health issues.10

DHS let the couple have me on a trial basis for a month.11

When the couple took me home.  I could not walk or talk.  After the trial basis.  The couple decided to go ahead and adopt me.12

I had to go through physical therapy and speech therapy as well.13

I was diagnosed with having (CP.) which is sort for cerebral Palsy.14

It effected my Left side.  I lost my left eye do to what my biological father and mother did to me as a baby.15

After growing up in an abusive home.  Where my adopted dad beat on me and my other four siblings with bailing wire.  I apparently had been sexually molested as a teenager.  I do not remember my first time ever having sex.  16

That made me think.  The only way that I could ever find love is through sex.  17

I turned eighteen.  I got pregnant just so that I could get out of the house.  I moved to Texas and went to an unwed mothers home.18

At nineteen I ended up getting married.  It ended after three months.19

At twenty one I got married again.  I had three more children by my second husband.  I lost my kids to him.  He had money and I did not.20

When I turned twenty five.  I decided that I wanted to find my biological parents.  I searched and I had someone help me locate them.21

That happened to be the worst mistake.  I have ever made in my life.22

I went to stay with my father for a few months.  We seemed to get it off as a father daughter relationship.  I ended up moving away for awhile.23

I decided a couple of years later that I wanted to try to get closer.24

I contacted him and went to Oklahoma city, OK.  I was going to spend a week with him at his apartment. 25

Here is where it gets bad. While I was there He took me out for a drink or two.  I should have not gone but I did.  We talked for awhile and then went back to his place.  He left to go out.  He came back in the next morning.  I guess he slipped me something.  I woke up to him being on top of me.  I tried to get him off but could not.26

My own father raped me four times that weekend.  I went back home and had to go through a rape exam at the local hospital.  I pressed charges but because I was under the influence of prescribed medications.  I could not travel.  I decided to check myself into the local hospitals mental health unit.  All I wanted to do was just die.  I told my boyfriends mother that all I could think about was slitting my wrists open.  To drain all of my fathers blood out of me.  I was not in my right mind at that point.27

Ever since that time.  I have become an R.A.I.N advocate for battered and abused women.  I will help anyone who needs help.  That is were it gets to the inspirational point.  It was a bad thing that I had to go through.  All in all it has made me a nicer kinder person.  It also has made me think of other people besides myself for a change.28

This is why I named the title like I did.29

If a man calls himself a father.  Than he should be one.  I have to say that my biological father has a major sickness.  He needs help that I as a daughter can not give him.30

I have forgiven him and wish him well.  Where ever he is.31

The End32