Poetry is the revelation of a feeling that the poet believes to be interior and personal which the reader recognizes as his own. 1
-Salvatore Quasimodo2
The hum of parents reading to their children and the sound of busy keyboards provided background music as I searched the library shelves. I was trying to find books for my research paper, but my eyes kept straying to the eight-hundreds section. I found what I needed, and, rather than continues my work, I sat in the middle of the 810s aisle. I inhaled. This little section of the world was mine to devour- filled with poetry, a passion I’d held since grade school. 3
First, I reached for my favorite authors: cummings, Poe, Eliot, Sexton. I then moved on to poets I had never encountered before: Ignatow, Lowell, Kerouac, Lukens. I absorbed everything I could. I’d open a book to a random page and read for a moment, then, keeping in mind what I’d read, carefully put it back in its place, and reach for another book. 4
A voice on the loudspeaker woke me from my reverie; “Attention, the time is 8:30 pm. The library will be closing in thirty minutes.” I gathered my things and leaned back, reflecting. Every poem contained some emotion- whether it was joy, sadness, anger, or confusion. All the authors had their own way of saying it, but the pure feelings were the same. It was then I realized a critical truth: Everyone has their own thoughts, experiences, and personalities, but when you boil humanity down to bare emotion, we’re all the same. No matter who you are, where you are, pain will always hurt, love will always exhilarate, and hope will always nourish. I understand that despite all the conflicts in the world, everyone is united in their core. So, now, when I watch the news or simply listen to a friend who needs comfort, I keep that in mind. They’re just like me. 5
Author notes
I wrote this for a college scholarship thing
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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oh i absolutely loved this. youve definetly done a commendable job with the word usage and the impact of the entire piece. I liked the way it defines your style
well done and good luck with the scholorship
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it's not for school- it's for a full-ride scholarship. if it'll prevent me from having to pay off loans for 15 years, i'll take all the help i can get!
i can't expand it- i have a word limit. i did go into detail, but had to cut parts out.
i don't feel that this isn't really my own- i just needed help editing, not rewriting.
thank you for your help- i'll let you know if i get the scholarship.
.:Marie:. -
Marie this was a nice unique piece! Filled with lots of inspiration. I love how it starts out! Great job!
Hugs Nicole xoxoxoxo -
I thought it was lovely and you explain quite uniquily how every one deep own is the same inside. A point that so many people forget in day to day life.
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Okay. Here:
rather than continues my work (no "s" on continue)
Otherwise, this is nearly perfect. However, I think it's a bit short for an essay. Then again, I don't know your teacher. Perhaps she isn't as exacting as I would be.
I see that others have already dissected this so there's not much left for me to say. It's not bad, but I might point out that you can't really get much from reading a page or two at random of a large number of poets, and unless you're taking notes (take note!) you won't remember most of what you've read. Second, you could profitably expand on this by elucidating the way one of two of those poets expounded on a particular emotion, and how that emotion has affected you.
Anyway, all in all, this is not bad, although I don't see how you can really call it yours with so many people helping you. What will you do if the teacher asks you to sit down in class and write an essay (I had to do that a number of times in high school, so I would think college professors would surely ask you to do it).
Anyway, good luck. I assume you will let us know how this is recieved?
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B- for a HS senior class
The hum of parents reading to their children and the sound of busy keyboards provided background music as I searched the library shelves. I was trying to find books for my research paper, but my eyes kept straying to the eight-hundreds section.
("but" in the last sentence, implies a conflict that you haven't explained. Is it that your research has nothing to do with poetry, but you're drawn to the poetry section for some reason? A simple, dependent clause could easily clear this up. Also, I would say "eyes were drawn to the poetry shelves" rather than the awkward use of numbers here.)
I found what I needed, and, rather than continues my work, I sat in the middle of the 810s aisle. I inhaled. This little section of the world was mine to devour- filled with poetry, a passion I’d held since grade school.
(Drop the 's' in continues, the comma after "needed." Again, say "poetry aisle" rather than a number. Add a personal descriptive adverb after "inhaled." Use ellipses (not a dash) before and after "[a world]filled with poetry," and make the remark about "passion" an independent clause.)
First, I reached for my favorite authors: cummings, Poe, Eliot, Sexton. I then moved on to poets I had never encountered before: Ignatow, Lowell, Kerouac, Lukens. I absorbed everything I could. I’d open a book to a random page and read for a moment, then, keeping in mind what I’d read, carefully put it back in its place, and reach for another book.
(Drop the word "first" and in the next sentence, "then." Say, "I opened each book to a random poem..." The pronouns "it" and "its" should clearly refer to the book, but could also refer to "page," so you need to clear that up by dropping the first "it" and use the intended noun.)
A voice on the loudspeaker woke me from my reverie; “Attention, the time is 8:30 pm. The library will be closing in thirty minutes.” I gathered my things and leaned back, reflecting. Every poem contained some emotion- whether it was joy, sadness, anger, or confusion. All the authors had their own way of saying it, but the pure feelings were the same.
("The" voice. "From" the loudspeaker. "awoke" Colon, not semicolon, before quote. Drop "some" and find a strong and powerful adjective (or two). Delete "whether it was." Use "each" instead of "every." All "of" the authors..." The "same " as what?)
It was then I realized a critical truth: Everyone has their own thoughts, experiences, and personalities, but when you boil humanity down to bare emotion, we’re all the same. No matter who you are, where you are, pain will always hurt, love will always exhilarate, and hope will always nourish.
("Suddenly," or "At that moment" I realized... Say, "an improtant truth" or even, "I had an epiphany." "All of us..." have 'our own'...," "...but when 'we'...," all keep the plural tense consistent. Likewise, use "we", not "you," in the last sentence)
(New Paragraph - concluding)
I understand that despite all the conflicts in the world, everyone is united in their core. So, now, when I watch the news or simply listen to a friend who needs comfort, I keep that in mind. They’re just like me.
(Again, pluralize "all of us..." and "at our cores." Explain how we all are untied. "...when I hear people on the news..." combined with "a friend" justifies the following pronoun "They [are all])
(Finally, I would elaborate upon the human frailites and strengths each of us experience daily, and how poetry leads or directs us to these self-realizations and defines them. "...all the conflicts of the world..." does little to explain the poetically-portrayed emotions to which you refer from your wanderings through the library books. Hope I didn't tear it apart too much.) -
I am not too sure about all the punctuation, but the few mistakes I did see are as follows: "eight hundred's section" - "continue" - "reverie, "Attention,..." Other than these and some questionable punctuation, it is very good. Keep up the good work.
~Jan
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