Tout QueJ'ai Besion Est Vous 33

1

The week went by great. Life was good making out was the most pleasurable thing you’ve ever felt. Laying next to Gerard 2

*Gee the sink in the bathroom is backed up.*3

*Eh. We can get that one guy Jack to come fix it later. That damn thing is always backed up.* he kissed you on the cheek.4

*I’ll go get him right now. There’s no reason to push if off.* you smiled and kissed hi on the lips and hopped out of the bus towards the matinee dudes who usually set up the stages.  You stopped a a group of the guys and asked.5

*Does anyone know how to clean pipes? My sink is backed up and we can’t use it anymore.* you smiled and one of them took a step forward.6

*Yeah Sure I can fix your sink.* the guy followed you to the bus. *oh by the way my name’s Jack.* he winked and it was sort of cute. He was tall was nicely built. Had bright blue eyes and brown hair outrageously white teeth a a nose that looked like he had broken it before. Gerard had fallen asleep on the couch. You smiled and led Jack To the bathroom you hopped up on the counter. 7

*Geezuz! What were you doing here?*8

*I was brushing my teeth… you laughed. Your hair got into your face so you tossed it to the side. You leaned forward. And peeked at what he was doing. He sat up. And looked at you.9

*I don’t expect you’re going to let the master work.*10

*Nope. I’m going to watch.* you smiled. And got down onto the floor and scooted closer him to see what he was doing. The door pushed open a little. Suddenly you felt lips on yours you sat there in shock. You opened your eyes to see the lips attached to Jack.11

*JACK! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?* you screamed as you pushed him away.12

*I though you wanted me to.* He looked confused13

*No. I didn’t want you do. I really wanted you to come fix the sink. Get out. Get out now.* you looked at him. And pushed him to the door. Ew. That was disgusting. Gross. Sweaty meaty maintenance kiss! YUCK!  You couldn’t believe what just happened.  You looked under the sink for a remedy to the clogged sink…stupid sink. You’d have to tell Gerard sooner or later that the repair guy kissed you. He’d have to understand. You were  sure it’s happened to him before.  Under the sink in the far back was a bottle of Drano. You poured that down the sink and looked at the clock it had been about 30 minutes! All to fix a fucking sink. You rolled your eyes to yourself and walked out of the bathroom14

Gerard sat on the couch looking out of the window. Whispering a song you couldn’t really hear. But struggling to find it. You recognized the words.15

*I hurt myself today. 16

To see if I still feel17

I focus on the pain18

The only thing that real.19

The needle tears a hole20

The old familiar sting21

Try to kill it all away.22

But I remember everything. 23

What have I become?*24

He paused a moment and took a shuddering deep breath and then continued25

*My sweetest friend26

Everyone I know27

Goes away in the end28

And you can have it all29

My empire of dirt30

I will let you down31

I will make you hurt..*32

Tears began to slowly slide down your face. The sorrow in his voice. You know he heard you come in. you knew he saw you. You knew he’d never trust you again.33

*I wear this crown of thorns 34

upon my liars chair35

Full of broken thoughts36

I can not repair37

Beneath the stains of time38

The feelings disappear39

You are someone else40

I am still right here*41

You once again heard his shuddered breathing and listened to him take a gulp of water  of something.42

*What have I become?43

My sweetest friend44

Everyone I know45

Goes away in the end46

And you can have it all47

My empire of dirt48

I will let you down49

I will make you hurt…*50

He paused once more. And his head fell down to his chest. Him holding his arms made him look horrible and you only saw him from behind. He couldn’t have seen you. He’d know you pushed him away. He’d know you’d never try to hurt him. You knew that he’d never believe it.  You loved him so much. And he looked so miserable. You couldn’t even see his face. But his voice. His haunting voice resonated through you.51

*If I could start again52

A million miles away53

I would keep myself54

I would find a way*55

His voice sliced through the air and finished the last stanza and he leaned his head against the glass of the window. Something was wrong. Something more than it seemed. Something was different and panic and fear and depression and worry and guilt flooded through you  your tears still cascading down your cheeks down to your neck and soaking into your collar. You felt your heart pound unfamiliar slowly and fast in changes so fast it made you light headed. You wanted to see him you wanted to hug him. But you were frightened. Opening your mouth. You gaped like a fish pulled freshly from its serene home.  nothing was coming out of your mouth. No voice not even grunts or muffled sounds. It was like a higher being pressed the mute button. You struggled to find your voice. You wiped away your tears and took a deep breath and even though it seemed like hours before you whispered56

*Babe are you okay?* you realized it had only been a matter of minutes.  You  now were faced with being paralyzed. You forced yourself to take a step forward. You  turned to face him only to see red bagged eyes with blood shot eyes.  He had quickly put something under a pillow.57

*What’s under the pillow.* He stared at you boring holes through your  heart. He lifted the pillow. And showed you the underside. Fresh blood stained the fabric and a bottle of alcohol lay empty on the cushions beneath it. 58

Gerard stared up at you with a blank gaze. he looked dead and you felt that you held the gun. you leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. he barely moved. it was like kissing a pillow. he didn't respond. he didn’t even kiss you back. 59

*Gerard will you sing to me?* you asked after laying on the couch and resting your head in his lap. he looked down at you and showed a glimmer of emotion when he started to brush the hair away from your face. 60

*You can cry all you want to i don't care how much you'll invest yourself in me. you can't keep my brother. and you won't fuck my friends. we're not working out. we're not working. this time i mean it. never mind the times I’ve seen it. well i hope I’m not mistaken. with the words i heard from waking. and its hard to say I’m shaken. for the choices that I’ve made. well i find it hard to stay. with the words you say.* he wasn't singing. he was reciting the words from Honey this mirror isn't big enough for the both of us. he couldn't possibly be. Breaking up with you. he just wanted to sing the song. he liked the song. he didn't mean it seriously. you looked up to his face only to be caught by an almost murderous glare. his shoulders lifted high because of his deep breaths and he pushed himself up and got off the couch storming into the bathroom. 61

*Gee? Gee can we talk?* you placed your ear to the door and with your hand felt the cold wood, when the door immediately opened. so abruptly it made you jump. 62

*TALK ABOUT WHAT? HOW YOUR SUCH A HYPOCRITE. THAT YOU DAMN NEAR KILL YOURSELF BECAUSE OF ME NOT LISTENING TO YOU ABOUT RODGER. HOW YOU MADE A HUGE DEAL OUT OF HE HAVING SEX WITH A GIRL WHEN WE WEREN'T EVEN DATING!* he pushed you back with every word his fists clenched and brows furrowed. he approached a step at a time making you take a step back. *Your a bitch. a stupid whiny. immature bitch. i hope you burn in hell. i hope Rodger gave you herpes or aids.* you clutched your chest. and found yourself pressed up against the kitchen cabinets. *and if you're planning to run away in that peanut sized mind. i pack up your shit already. their on the stairs near the door. Adieu.* he went back into the bathroom and slammed the door at our face. you blinked away tears as you slid down the long cabinet and tried to hold back your tears. you struggled to remain silent. your gasps and tears falling faster and harder into your hands. you heard a snide 'heh' and looked up to see an angry Frankie looking down on you. 63

*Now see. if you had chosen me. that never would have happened.* he turned into the bunks and also slammed the door. you stay glued ot that spot crying so harshly your throat hurt. you couldn't breathe and you began to wretch and gag. yesterday you never knew how hard you could cry. and today hoped you'd never have to feel like this again.64