Satisfaction

“Revenge is an ugly word,” the pastor observed from his pulpit during his Sunday morning sermon.  “We must try when we feel wounded to remember that God has said vengeance is mine…”1

Abe Waters sat in the pew and maintained his usual Sunday morning poker face.  It did such a great job of hiding his real feelings.  What did the pastor really know about the kind of pain and suffering that left you obsessed with getting even?  As far as he knew the man had never even lost his temper.  Waters knew what it was like to hate so deeply intensely that killing a person would have seemed merciful compared to what he really wanted to do.2

The pastor had lived a sheltered life from what Abe had learned from talking to him.  He grew in a loving home with a father who was also pastor. After high school he went on to college and then seminary.  He came to this church where he had been for ten years right after graduating from seminary.3

As far as Abe knew the pastor had never had to work in the real world or venture out beyond the limitations of his church office, except to visit members.  So how could he appreciate what it meant to have to make a real living or deal with people that wanted nothing more that to cause you pain?  Abe tried to do his best to suppress his envy and down right resentment for how easy the pastor’s life had been compared to his own or most the people he knew.4

But on Sunday morning he understood that you could hardly blame the man for saying what he was supposed to say.  You couldn’t expect a pastor to tell you that getting even for the shear reason you hated somebody’s guts was okay with God.5

Abe just filed the pastor’s comments and sermon away in his mind like he had done on other occasions.  He believed in God, otherwise he wouldn’t be in church on Sunday.  And he even helped out like he was expected.  However in terms of looking out for number one, he had no intentions of letting anybody walk all over him as long as he could prevent it.  That never brought any satisfaction, just grief.6

Looking at his watch, Abe exhales heavily, but making sure his wife doesn’t hear him.  It is getting close to noon and the pastor is still preaching.  This is one of those sermons that Waters puts in the category of pushing his tolerance to the max.  Anytime they have to get stuck till after twelve is for him more religion than he prefers.  Still for the sake of the wife and kids he goes.7

Well he goes because of God too perhaps.  Only he isn’t as keen on thinking God is as concerned about how long he spends in the pews.  And right now he’s mind is more focused on getting home for lunch and the ball game.  There is a time and place for spirituality.8

For him matters of the soul fit somewhere between the time he takes his morning shower and when he has his breakfast.  It is when his brain is in neutral with nothing serious to think about so he fills in the void with a few passing thoughts about religion.  That is his idea of worship and it would be good enough if it weren’t for his wife and kids.  He knows his wife would never tolerate him just thinking good thoughts for five minutes each morning.9

At last the pastor finishes and they begin singing the closing hymn to go with the altar call.  Wonderful, the pastor is having them sing three verses of the song.  Guess he feels his message was extra powerful or something.  You couldn’t tell it by Abe, but he wasn’t running the show.10

After the service they join the line to leave the church and shake the pastor’s hands.  Abe always felt a need to make some complimentary comment about the sermon even though he seldom remembers them.  Normally he left it for his wife to fill in the details since she honestly listened.  Pretty soon they would be facing the minister.11

Waters had to think quickly of what to say this time that was different.  He vaguely remembered something being mentioned about revenge.  Abe would tell the man that it helped him think about that subject more.  That should do.12

Back at his house, Abe settles into the den after lunch.  He sits back in his easy chair and hits the remote to turn on the television.  As Waters sits and watches the ball game, his mind roams to search his feelings.13

Confused is the first word that comes to mind.  After all, he has everything a person should want out of life.  So why isn’t he feeling more satisfied?  Abe makes a mental survey of his life.  He has his own business, a small hardware store.  That hardly translates into being rich, but he’s comfortable.14

He has a decent home, reasonable family so basically in terms of stuff and what most people called a good life, he has it.  Still inside he just didn’t feel satisfied.  That really bothered him.15

All his life he had pretty much lived by the standard of going after what he had been told was the stuff that would make life good and leave you feeling complete.  Yet he had to admit that even though he had achieved all the things he had been told he needed out of life he just didn’t feel satisfied.16

So perhaps real satisfaction came from achieving something else?  It was a thought that had rolled through his brain before, but had never actually taken root.  The question, if it were true is what would translated into real satisfaction?17

As he sipped on his glass of diet pop, his mind suddenly flashed on an idea.  Perhaps satisfaction was the opposite of being unhappy?   Hmmm, now that sounded interesting.  Yes, maybe that was the problem.  He couldn’t be satisfied as long as there were things in his life that made him unhappy or downright angry.  You find a way of getting those problems solved and you just had to end up happy and thus content.18

For some reason the longer he thought about it the more it became an obsession.  He was going to figure a way to solve the problems and satisfy his pent up sense of pure rage that kept him from being happy.  Only which problem really pissed him off the most?19

That’s when his brain got stuck on one single detail.  That was injustice.  The times when someone does something wrong and gets away with it.  Oh in general terms when one was talking about crimes that was a problem for society in general.  No this had to be more specific.  Mainly trying to get even with someone who had personally caused him the type of grief, which boiled in his spirit like acid.20

Yeah that was the solution alright.  That just had to be the one thing that was keeping him from finding pure satisfaction.21

Abe was a practical man.  He knew he couldn’t take on the role of some vigilante and get away with it all the time.  No, what he needed was just one incident of getting even that hadn’t worked out in the past, obtain revenge and it would do.  Just setting right one wrong would be enough.  It would have to be.  Even he realized that no matter how much he was full of hate, he couldn’t kill everyone he thought deserved it without getting punished.  So he would figure out one situation, make sure it ended in a glorious, yet bloody memory that made everything else tolerable.  After all he was a civilized man not some demented maniac.22

For one brief second the pastor’s sermon came back to haunt him.  Vengeance.  Yeah remember what the pastor said about it being God’s department.  You could completely forget even taking it to the level of being related to hate.  That guy would start with his preaching about forgiveness and love and he sure didn’t want to think about those issues.  Beside this was somehow different from his way of thinking.  He wasn’t going to try and deal with all problems, just one.  The big question was which one?  Tomorrow at work he would figure that one out.23

In his store, he was in the backroom tinkering while his help took care of customers.  He had told them he was working on a special project and didn’t want to be disturbed.  And that he knew was enough to insure they would leave him alone.  So he was free to work on his grand plan.24

That involved two aspects.  First was singling out the one person he hated most and then second to design a nice little toy to use in order to get even with him.  Part of him kept hinting this was a mistake, but deep down all he could think of was how great it was going to feel to finally get a sense of satisfaction.  Plus exhausting the pure rage he did his best to control wouldn’t hurt either.  Just once somebody was going to feel the white-hot emotion flow from his veins the way that would it should be experienced!25

Then later, once he had finished his little chore and “cleaned up” he could go back to his ordinary life feeling vindicated that justice had been served.  Also hopefully without continuing to have those daggers of hate stabbing so intently at his being and robbing him of any real peace.  It meant having to live with a secret for the rest of his life.  The kind he could never tell anyone no matter how much he might want to.  But it was a price he was willing to pay if it meant that he could at least say once in his life that he had truly had the satisfaction of getting even and making sure hate was given its due in terms of respect.26

“We’re leaving now boss,” his one clerk, Odie, said as he poked his head through the opening to the back room.27

“Huh?  Oh yeah, thanks Odie, go ahead and lock up.  I’ll only be a few minutes more.”28

“Sure.  Um, you mind me asking what you have been working on all day?  Hope you don’t mind us being curious.  We just figured it had to be something real special and thought it had to do with the store in some way?”29

“Yes it is something special.  But it is just not ready for me to explain.  Perhaps when I get done I can tell you all about it.”30

“That would be great boss.  Well good-night.”31

“Good night,” Abe says.  He then gets up and watches through the doorway while his help leaves through the front door and then he goes up and locks it.32

Now to do a little “shopping.”  It is a good thing he is so mechanically inclined.  He was able to work up the plans for his little hate toy and will have plenty of time to put it together.  Waters had already called his wife and told her he was working late.  Strolling out into the aisles he starts picking up the parts he needs to construct his little implement of satisfaction.  Then once he has it together it will be time to go for a drive.  Hopefully that worthless creep will be home tonight that he has decided deserves a big helping of hate casserole with a side dish of incredible pain.  But then he normally is home from what Abe knows.  Well once Waters pays him a visit, he won’t know what being at home will be like ever again.  Abe vowed to keep a straight face when the reports of the man being a missing person got around town.33

“Ah, beautiful, simply beautiful,” Abe says as he puts the final touches on the chair he intends to use for “getting even.”  Well perhaps chair is a bad choice of words.  It is more like a judgment seat.  One in which he will put that lousy skunk of a human being that cheated him so long ago and nearly cost him his hardware business when he started out.  And the darn courts never did give him any justice.34

About the only good thing he could say about the guy is that he had moved to another city.  Far enough away that he didn’t have to see the man again, but close enough so Abe could drive there and be back in a reasonable time.  Then the jerk would find out what it is like to be on the receiving end of pain for a change.35

Abe finally got all the preparations ready.  He had the restraints, pliers, blowtorch and all the other things he needed to make sure the last few minutes of this jerk’s life were shear hell.  Then later would come the clean up part — Abe pushed that part out of his mind.  Somehow he would handle that part too even though the mental image of it sort of turned his stomach.36

Walking out of the backroom he went towards the rear exit.  Inside he felt a mixture of good and bad.  Part of him knew this was wrong, but he was just so beyond any sense of reason all he could think of was getting even and finally having some satisfaction for the hate that had filled his soul for far too long.  That would be enough.  Just once he would feel it and that would do.37

Abe opened the back door and step outside.  It was dark and that somehow made him feel better about what he was going to do next.  Sunlight would have made him see all the things that darkness did such a good job of hiding.  Enough so he didn’t have to see some of the trappings of life that might tug at his conscience and make him rethink this whole plan.38

Suddenly he felt something cold and hard press against the back of his right ear.  “Don’t move,” the voice behind him growled.39

“What do you want?” Abe asked, sensing he knew the voice.40

“Open the door.” The man’s voice demanded.41

Abe did as he was told and unlocked the back door to the hardware store.  Then he went inside as the man kept the nose of the revolver pressed against the back of his ear.42

He forced Abe to move ahead and eventually into the back room.  Then he pushed Abe down into the chair that Waters had set aside for his own plans of revenge.43

Quickly the man put restraints on Abe and then stepped back.  “Ah Chuck is that you?”44

“Yeah it’s me.  I bet you never thought you would see me again.”45

“So you are going to add another wrong to your other crimes I take it?  Looks like I was right all along about you and made the right choice in firing you when I suspected you of taking money out of the cashier register.”46

Chuck doesn’t say a word at first.  Then he puts away his gun and looks at Abe.  “I never stole from you.  It was Odie that took the money.  But you wouldn’t listen when I tried to tell you that.  Only now I have the proof.  I followed him and used this video camera to tape him buying drugs.  And I’m going to let you see it.” Chuck says when he takes out the little video camera and shows Abe the viewer as he plays back the tape.47

Abe watches as he recognizes Odie on the tape taking cash out of his pocket that was in a small brown bag from his store and exchanging it in some alley with a sleazy looking guy who gives him a bag of white powder.  Afterwards, Abe looks up at Chuck and says, “I’m so sorry I don’t know how I could have been so wrong.”48

“I just wanted to show that to you to be sure you understood what is going to happen next.”49

“What are planning on doing?”50

“Look you didn’t just fire me.  You ruined my life.  I know that you made sure everyone heard I was guilty of stealing even though I wasn’t guilty.  I can’t live in this town any longer and I have no doubt I’ll spend the rest of my life suffering from that experience.  But at least once in my life I vowed I was going to get even.  And this it is.  Now you’re going to pay for what you did to me.  I can finally let my hate be appeased by seeing you get what you really deserve.  That will be satisfaction enough.”51

“But Odie is the one who you should be mad at!”52

“I already got even with him,” Chuck says as he puts a gag in Abe’s mouth.  “But I knew would never be able to feel any real satisfaction unless I got even with you too.  Funny, but this back room looks like it was set up for some kind of revenge.  So,” Chuck adds, grabbing for the blowtorch and pliers, “Looks like you made this easy for me.”53

Chuck takes a CD out of his pocket and puts it into the CD player on the wall that he knew Abe kept there.  Soon the sound of the song with the words, “I can’t get no satisfaction” are playing over the speaker.  Unfortunately Abe won’t be able to have the satisfaction of listening to the entire CD.54