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My microwave didn't like me.2
Ever since Christmas I'd been ignoring it, sticking to my healthy \'nothing but seaweed and cardboard'\ diet, with no radiation allowed, unfortunately. Something was up with it though. Every time I went near it I'd swear it was shaking. I decided it was probably best to give it a whack and curse at it, and it seemed to of worked.3
Day three of my crappy diet I'd decided to give up, my teeth had a slight green twinge to them and I was starting to have hallucinations of giant rice cakes pushing me over the top of a very large bridge. Hallucinations I could deal with, a green smile? Goodbye to suicide-inducing rice cakes, hello microwave. I hoped it would forgive me.4
After drooling over the infinite choice of ready meals stacked away in the back of my freezer I decided on a very healthy chicken korma. Well, it had rice with it. 5
Something caught my eye. The microwave's door had pushed itself open, and was laughing at me. Well obviously it wasn't laughing at me, obviously I was tripping on seaweed again. I'd better buy some more thinking about it. It was a pretty intense trip out and I'd had worse, but I thought hell, might as well go along with it and see where it led me to wake up.6
So the next logical thing to do was say 'hello microwave', and obviously the next logical thing after that was it to say 'hello Ethan' back. Obviously...7
And after that? Well, that's when the door blew open and it sucked me through to a different dimension, of course...8
I was hoping I'd wake up soon.9
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Author notes
ok, completely rewrote it, hope its a bit better.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I love the deadpan steam of consciousness thing you've got going on here.
It's witty and pretty darn hilarious. I was actually expecting a more mundane ending though.
Like ..realistic. Like burned cheese toast.
Or something.. I dunno -
well... you did get rid of the cursing, but you got rid of some of the humor too... I liked this for sure, but maybe you should find a happy medium between the two... ya know?? I do like this story, and I'm glad you worked on it!!! just a little more work, and it'll be great!!!
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this was ok. in a scale one to ten I would give it a three... I just didn't really understand it that much. BUNNY was at least shown up a dozen times in your story. It was really annoying. Also, I think this could be really good (considering there is creativity you have displayed here) if you took out the bunnies because bunnies have nothing to do with this contest. This could be a lot better, work on it a little.
-Tyler -
Hee hee, I love the whole part about how the mother in law coughs every time you ask for alittle bit more gravy. ^^
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Oh... also, there are a few grammar issues, but I don't care about those as much... Thanks for entering...
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O.K.
well... it wasn't exactly what I was expecting, but... Here's what I would change...
#1: TAKE OUT THE CURSING!!! I'm prety sure I put that in the rules
#2: I like the idea that the dimension is in the microwave, but make it a little more obvious that it's an alternate dimension that she ends up being sucked into
#3: I liked the "high-dose-of-radiation-please setting" part... made me laugh!!!
#4: I like the idea that she had just gotten home from christmas, and she needed a break, but maybe she had a really good christmas, and she's just ready for a weekend alone to top it off instead of being all pissed
I dunno... Just some suggestions... You don't have to change them if you don't want to... Overall it was prety good...
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