New beginnings

1

The rain beats down on my face, it covers the tears I cry. Standing here in the ashen ruins of what was once my home. I don’t know what I feel. Emotions run like rivers though the valleys and hollows in my heart and in my mind.2

Its gone. Along with it my momentos of Her. I don’t know what hurts more. The loss of the house, the loss of my beloved dogs, which perished in the fire, or the loss of the pictures of Her, presents from Her and Her ashes. For three years I was Her submissive, Her play toy, Her companion, Her lover and above all Her friend.3

The emotion and the fever I have developed over the last day taken their toll. I faint. Lying in the ashes, I breathe shallowly. I, in my delirium, wish I would die too.4

I finally wake and find myself in a strange bed, a large very comfortable bed. I try to sit up but fall back, exhausted. I notice I am naked under these satin silk sheets. I look around and see a beautiful bedroom, a bedroom fit for a one better than I. A voice so husky and commanding I can hear talking to someone.5

“Will she be alright?  She looks so frail, like she has lost her will to live.”6

An other voice replies. “With time Cynthia, she needs rest and good food and a good ear I think”. This voice is softer, more sensual. Both voices belong to women. “I will be back tomorrow to see how she is faring.”7

A door closes in the distance and I fall asleep again. When I awake again it is dark, a soft light illuminates the room and in the corner I see her. A beautiful woman with dark wavy hair, short but not too short. She is dosing and I wonder if I am in her bed and feel guilty at the prospect. I start coughing uncontrollably. She wakes and rushes over to me. She lifts me so I can cough without choking on the phlegm that has developed in my sickness.8

“Shush little one. Relax, breathe deeply. You will be alright in a moment”  Her voice soft, husky and even in my sickened state, very seductive. She lifts a glass of water so I may drink, I try but fail.9

I look at her obviously with questioning eyes. She says softly, “Little one, I found you collapsed in the burnt remains of what I have since found out to be you home. I arrange for you to be brought here to my home, so I may look after you. I know you have no where to go to. Don’t look so shocked, I made some discrete inquiries.” She smiles and I about faint again. Damn what a smile.10

“Now you take all the time you need to get better, and as you do we will get to know each other. Is that acceptable to you?”11

I try to talk but start coughing instead. I finally nod and fall back to the pillows and sleep grabs me yet again.12

How long was I like this I can not tell you. Suffice to say it was a while. I finally recovered enough to talk to her and tell her of myself, as much as I dare. I hold back my life with Her. I do not know if this lady would understand.13

She in turns tells me about herself. She is a wealthy woman. She received a major inheritance from her parents, which afforded her this house (which I later observed to be magnificent). She lives of the interest of this inheritance she explains.14

I slowly recover and start to move around. I have time and time again asked her to place me in a smaller room so she may have her bed back, but she tells me not to worry as my welfare and health are her concern at the moment.15

I keep asking myself why. Why does this woman feel it necessary to help me heal? Can she not just sent me to a hospital and leave it at that? I am at a loss. She is a very fine and refined woman and I don’t understand what she sees in this dishevelled mess that is I. Is there a motive, is there a plan? I question it all and she keeps telling me to just get better and when I am well enough she will help me find accommodation.16

For weeks I am at this woman’s ministrations. The food is the best, the house is at my disposal. The Doctor, who I have since discovered is a beautiful tall woman by the name of Janice. I wonder to myself if these two are lovers, but I remember that not all women are lesbians. 17

I have my moments when I am so melancholic that Cynthia finds it hard to bare and tries so hard to pull me out of it. I find I am trusting this woman more and more. She treats me like a sister or lover instead of a stranger she picked up in a pile of soggy ashes.18

One night, after dinner, we are sitting in her study. A study filled with mahogany furniture, books shelves full of books old and new. Pictures of tigers, some huge, some small, decorate the walls. I tell her I love tigers, they are so powerful, so majestic. She smiles and says that she loves tigers with a passion and has sponsored a breeding pair in the local zoo.19

She sits next to me and I feel the heat from her body and I am all a fluster. She seems not to notice. We talk and slowly I tell her of my life. Of how I was orphaned and raised by a very understanding aunt. My aunt taught me so many things of life that most children would never be told. It was through her I discovered my sexuality, and for that I am always grateful.20

I blush as I realise that I have just outed myself to this woman, this woman who has seen me naked. Who has washed me in my delirium. She smiles at my embarrassment. 21

“Little one, don’t be embarrassed. I to am a lesbian and unlike yourself, I didn’t have the advantage of a wise aunt to help me. My life has been hard, as I tried very hard to deny my sexuality. Through the help of a friend, who knew, I was shown how my life should be.22

I do not have a lover, girlfriend any more. She left after a very bad argument, but I survive.”23

I am stunned. Is that why she has taken me in? Is she intending to use me? I must have had a look on my face.24

“What is wrong? Are you alright?” She says, concerned.25

I stutter, “Cynthia, I am still at a lose as to why you took me in. I now wonder is it because you want to use me. Make me feel I owe you and thereby be your lover?”26

She stands and I see her face turn red in anger.27

“Have the past few weeks not showed you anything about me? I am just a concerned person who has too big a heart it seems.” She strides from the room in a fit. I tremble.28

What have I said? I feel so ashamed at questioning her good intent. How am I to fix this.  I follow her. “Cynthia please stop. I didn’t mean to offend. Please understand I have never had this kind of kindness from a person who does not know me from Adam. Cynthia wont you please  stop and talk to me?”29

She stops, turns and looks at me as if I had stabbed her. She lifts a hand and says,” Please not now, let me be.” She leaves the room and I am left alone, stunned. Slowly I make my way to the bedroom and find my clothes and change out of the ones she has given me. I go to the study and leave her a note explaining my doubts and ask again to be forgiven. I leave the house and make my way to a hotel.30

Cynthia had notified my employers of my sickness and they said that I should take my time and come back to work when I was ready. I am ready.31

I throw myself into my work, taking only time to eat and go home to the hotel I now call home. Weeks pass and I wonder how Cynthia is. I decide to send her a bunch of yellow roses and place a note with them saying yet again how sorry I am and that I will be eternally grateful to her.32

Time flies by and I finally buy an apartment, furnishing it completely different from the way  my past house ever was furnished. Soft rosewood tables, cupboards. Deep plush lounges of blue velvet. The walls are adorned with tiger pictures. Statues of tigers sit on a rosewood displace cabinet. An entertainment system consisting of large television, surround system for the television and stereo. I come home and put a soft classical cd. in the stereo. I pour a drink of merlot and sit down to unwind after a hectic day.33

A soft knock sounds on the door and I wonder who that may be as I wasn’t expecting anyone. I open the door to see Cynthia in a beautiful emerald green outfit, tight but not so tight that it looked confining. A smile is on her face.34

“Hello Renee. May I please come in?” She says this in the softest voice that I can barely here her.35

“Yes, please come in”. I move so she can enter, and I watch her walk by so seductively and I shiver.36

“Renee, I owe you an apology.” She raises a hand as I start to interrupt. “No, it is I and I alone that need say sorry. You were right to mistrust my intentions. Truly, I only meant to help you.”37

I smile and motion her to sit. She sits and pats the lounge next to her for me to join her. I sit, but not to close. We make small talk for a while and it is decided that she should stay for dinner, which we prepare together. We enjoy each others company and redefine our relationship to friends.38

After a few weeks of dinners, movies and just general meetings for coffee, we fall into an easy, comfy relationship. I finally decide to tell her about my belated Mistress and myself. A relationship that I now see was confining. Yet I would not change a thing.39

Cynthia listens, asks questions at relative points and then says in a low voice, “Renee. I too, live the lifestyle. When I saw you in the ashes I saw the submissive and it hurt to see you like that. Don’t ask how I knew I just knew. No, I didn’t not want to take you home so you would feel indebted to me so you  would  become my submissive. It was never a consideration. It was the thought that if it were I that had died and my submissive was in your situation I would hope someone would help her. Do you understand?”40

I look at her in a new light and say that I understand. I feel our relationship was changing. Did I want it to change, I don’t know. She gets up and leaves. As she reaches the door she turns and says, “I would like to stay friends Renee, and if you wish maybe more, but I am not pushing. I have just gotten to know you so much better and feel a growing attachment. Please, consider what I have said and I will ring you.” She opens the door and slowly leaves closing the door without so much as a creak.41

I am lost. Lost you ask. Yes lost. Do I accept the offer of more or do I see it as part of a plan to get under my skin? I walk around work and home in a stupor, thinking, trying to decide.  I wait for the ring and weeks pass by and I find myself scared she will not ring and I realise that yes I want this woman. I want this woman to be more than the friend she has become. I want her to be my lover but above all I want her to be my Mistress. Is this wrong?42

I find time an assassin of my life. Weeks pass by so damn slowly. Each night I rush home to wait for the phone to ring. It doesn’t. Have I lost this woman, this figure of pure dominance? Should I ring her? I decide no. She is a Mistress and my training teaches me to wait. Wait I do, music, movies and books do nothing to push time ahead. I find myself doubting she will ring. I decide to take a holiday for a week and ponder what life has thrown at me. I go down to the countryside, a nice bed and breakfast in a very secluded part of the country. I spend my days walking, thinking and yet nothing can settle me.43

The second last day at this calming retreat, I am lying in my bed. When the door opens without a knock to be heard and there with the morning sun behind her is Cynthia. I gasp and start to rise. She moves quickly and pushes me back to the bed. How did she find me?44

“Shut up and listen. I am here to find out if you wish to be with me as my submissive come lover come friend or if you wish to never see me again.”. She looks into my eyes and I just jump out of bed and kneel before her. 45

“Mistress, this lowly girl wishes nothing more than to be yours for now until you desire me no more.” The rest, as they say, is history.46