Unseemly Haste

Scene I:1

(Edmund walks on stage, and is looking intently at the outer walls of a pleasant little city. It is Victorian era.)2

Edmund3

Oh, fair city, what secrets lie behind your pristine walls? What waits for me upon entering? 4

(Just then, a head pops up on the other side of the wall)5

Jackson6

Still talking to yourself, poet?7

Edmund8

Why, good Jackson, what else is there for a poet to do, but marvel at the world around him and record it into pleasing words that drift from lips to ear?9

Jackson10

Well, for one, you can come in and be settled in your new home.11

Edmund12

I thought you'd never ask.13

(The walls slide offstage)14

Jackson15

Welcome, poet Edmund, to the new foundation of your works and home.16

Edmund17

(speechless) It is perfect.18

Jackson19

But of course, my fine poet. Nothing could improve it more.20

(Suddenly we hear a loud woman's voice from offstage)21

Rosalie22

And don't you come back, you scoundrel!23

Jackson24

(winces) Well, perhaps one thing could improve it.25

Edmund26

Oh? And what, pray tell, would that be?27

(Before Jackson has a chance to respond Rosalie marches onstage, her bearing confident and regal, though she is just the daughter of a middle class shop owner. As soon as Edmund sees her, it's obvious that, for him at least, it's love at first sight.)28

Edmund 29

(grabbing Jackson's arm for support) Now I know the wonders of Heaven, my friend, for now I have seen who much surely be the queen of the Angels, the one to make Aphrodite look common. For her there is no rival. Come, foolish heart, and stop with your incessant beating!30

(While Edmund is talking, Rosalie walks across the stage and exits)31

Jackson32

My friend, your poetry is wasted on the likes of her.33

Edmund34

What do you mean?35

Jackson36

She is a woman of her own. There is no man by her side, and for good reason. 37

Edmund38

It must be her beauty which has intimidated the men, for surely who can even bear to be in the same room as her without feeling inadequate?39

Jackson40

She makes them feel inadequate, all right, but not because of her looks.41

Edmund42

I shall change that, my friend, you just watch.43

Jackson44

Good, and while you do that I'll have a coffin made for you, for surely you will need it after your dealings with the sharp tongued wench. 45

Edmund46

Bid me good luck, my friend, for if all goes as planned I shall soon be a married man. 47

Jackson48

I think you are moving with unseemly haste, my friend.49

Edmund50

Be that as it may, I must go. My lady awaits.51

(Edmund exits after Rosalie)52

Jackson53

Dream on, young poet, for the likes of her is not to be tamed by a tame poet. Only a lion could match her strength. 54

(Curtain)55

Scene II:56

(When the lights come up, we see Edmund hastening after Rosalie. At about center stage, he finally catches up to her and grabs her arm.)57

Edmund58

I pray you, fair maiden, stay awhile and charm me.59

Rosalie60

Hmph. I'd be more fit to cut you with my rapier tongue. 61

Edmund62

Whatever you wish to do to me is a blessing, my angel.63

Rosalie64

You're the poet, are you not?65

Edmund66

Indeed I am. Are my soft and eloquent words so bathed in love that obvious?67

Rosalie68

Hardly. The weakness of your words is what captured me. 69

Edmund70

Weakness? I protest!71

Rosalie72

Protest all you want, poet, but know that I am not swayed by your words. I bid you good day. 73

(Rosalie pulls her arm out of his grasp and exits. Jackson enters from the opposite side of the stage.)74

Jackson75

How did it go, fine love struck youth?76

Edmund77

(heart-broken) Horrid. She despises me.78

Jackson79

Cheer up, poet. She despises all men, and woman, and even the small animals that inhabit this earth. 80

Edmund81

Truly? Then my cause is lost! I shall live to a ripe old age, regretful and always yearning for my fair maiden. She wouldn't even give me her name.82

Jackson83

Her name is Rosalie, and she is not easily won over. Go, speak with her father, the owner of the shoe shop. Perhaps he can help you in your noble, but futile, quest.84

Edmund85

You're belief in me has warmed my heart, my friend. Off I go, to win fair Rosalie!86

(Edmund exits. Jackson turns to the audience)87

Jackson88

The youth is doomed, I'm afraid. But it wrenches my heart to see him dismissed so easily. Perhaps some good shall come of it.89

(Curtain)90

Scene III:91

(Street set. Half the stage is the street, where Edmund and Jackson are frozen. The other side is the shoe shop, where Rosalie and Patrick are frozen. As the curtain comes up, the lights go on Edmund and Jackson, leaving the shop in the dark.) 92

Edmund93

What shall I say?94

Jackson95

Speak the truth, good poet. To lie is against your nature. 96

Edmund97

(Nodding) Yes, the truth. Oh god, my nerves grow taut with this incessant waiting!98

Jackson99

Patience, poet. It shall all be over soon. Whether for good or for ill, I do not know. 100

(Edmund and Jackson freeze as the light on the dims and the lights on the shop come up.)101

Patrick102

What do you propose to do?103

Rosalie104

Do? Why, nothing. Why should I concern myself over the unwanted attentions of a foolish poet?105

Patrick106

Unwanted? Methinks this is not the case, daughter. 107

Rosalie108

Of course it is.109

Patrick110

So what do you propose to do?111

Rosalie112

Nothing.113

Patrick114

Nothing?115

Rosalie116

Nothing!117

(Rosalie and Patrick freeze as the light on the dims, and the lights on the street once more come up.)118

Edmund119

What if she refuses me?120

Jackson121

Don't let her!122

Edmund123

But how?124

Jackson125

Woo her. Take her heart, as she has taken yours.126

Edmund127

Yes, I shall. I-128

(While Jackson and Edmund are talking, full lights come up and Rosalie and Patrick unfreeze. Rosalie walks outside the shop, interrupting Edmund.)129

Rosalie130

(in greeting) Poet.131

Edmund132

Fair Rosalie. How-133

(After her initial greeting, Rosalie turns away from Edmund and focuses all her attention on Jackson.)134

Rosalie135

Goodman Jackson.136

Jackson137

Young Rosalie. How fares you?138

Rosalie139

Well, and you?140

Jackson141

Well as well. 142

Edmund143

(Trying to get her attention) I-144

Rosalie145

Good day, gentlemen.146

(She exits)147

Edmund148

(sighing) What cruelty, to play with my heart so!149

Jackson150

Now quickly, poet. Speak with her father, and unlock the secret to her heart.151

Edmund152

Yes, I shall.153

Jackson154

Good luck.155

Edmund156

Thank you.157

(Jackson exits. Edmund plucks up his courage and enters Patrick's shop.)158

Edmund159

Ah, you must be the owner of this fine establishment, and the father of fair Rosalie.160

Patrick161

(looking up) Yes, I am Patrick, master of this shop and father of Rosalie. What business might I help you with, good sir? A new pair of shoes, perhaps?162

Edmund163

Actually, good sir, I am afraid I have fallen for your daughter, but she has dismissed me without a second thought. I am at wit's end. I fear I love your sharp-tongued child, and her dismissal has wounded me deeply.164

Patrick165

(hiding his amusement) Ah yes, fair Rosalie does have that affect upon young men. You are new to our city?166

Edmund167

How did you know?168

Patrick169

Because only someone who was not here long would dare tell my daughter of his love. The boys of this town know better.170

Edmund171

Then she thinks me a fool.172

Patrick173

Most likely.174

Edmund175

What shall I do?176

(The door opens again, and Rosalie enters)177

Rosalie178

Good day, father. 179

Patrick180

Good day, daughter. 181

Rosalie182

Ah, poet, we meet again.183

Edmund184

Fair Rosalie, you brighten my day with your presence. Speak again, so I might bask in your glorious voice.185

Rosalie186

If I speak, you must promise me something.187

Edmund188

Anything, my angel. Speak, I am at your command, so deep is my love for you.189

Rosalie190

Do not speak again, unless I ask.191

Edmund192

What?193

Rosalie194

Your gentle words bore me. Therefore, do not speak again unless your words are strong and passionate, for otherwise you make a rather poor poet. Do you understand?195

Edmund196

I protest!197

Rosalie198

(sadly) Then you wound my heart. Truly, if you love me, then you will do as I ask.199

Edmund200

Very well. My heart will let me do nothing, save what you command. 201

Rosalie202

Good. Until we meet again, poet. 203

(Rosalie exits)204

Patrick205

(smiling broadly) My dear boy, it seems my Rosalie returns your love.206

Edmund207

What?208

Patrick209

Listen carefully to what my daughter says. You need no guidance from me, for she shall tell you what you must do to win her heart, and her hand.210

Edmund211

(happily) Oh, thank you, sir! Now, I must go and prepare my passionate words for her fair ears to hear. Good day, sir, and good fortune! 212

(Edmund exits)213

Patrick214

The boy is moving with unseemly haste, but I fear to go slowly would be to bore my fiery child, and dim the fire of her heart. Godspeed, poet, and may your words not fall upon deaf ears.215

(Curtain)216

Scene IV:217

(City square. Rosalie enters. A few seconds later, Jackson enters from the opposite side. He spies her, then makes his way over to talk to her.218

Jackson219

Fair Rosalie, might I have a word?220

Rosalie221

That is depending upon the type of word you would like. 222

Jackson223

I would like a word about the poet Edmund.224

Rosalie225

(Making a disgusted sound) Then you shall have many words, but none shall be pleasing to your ears, Goodman Jackson. Good day.226

(She moves to walk away, but Jackson blocks her.) 227

Jackson228

Patience, fair maid.229

Rosalie230

Patience? Whatever for?231

Jackson232

I am here on the poet's behalf.233

Rosalie234

Then I'll have no patience for you.235

(She moves to walk around him, but he blocks her again.)236

Jackson237

Please, spare me a word.238

Rosalie239

I'll spare you nothing, nor the poet who has foisted his unwanted attentions upon my humble self.240

Jackson241

Why are you so unfair to him?242

Rosalie243

Why does he lack the courage to speak to me himself?244

Jackson245

Well, you are rather an intimidating woman.246

Rosalie247

Hmph. If he is too cowardly to approach me, he is too cowardly for consideration.248

Jackson249

So if he had courage you'd consider him?250

Rosalie251

I never said that.252

Jackson253

But you implied it.254

Rosalie255

My implications are none of your concern, goodman.256

Jackson257

But the well-being of the poet is?258

(Rosalie looks momentarily stricken, but recovers quickly.)259

Rosalie260

Is he unwell?261

Jackson262

(Sensing his advantage) Perhaps, but what concern is it of yours? You've said it yourself that his attention is unwanted.263

(He moves to walk away, but she moves in front of him.)264

Rosalie265

Yes, but health and attention are two separate issues. Is the poet well?266

Jackson267

(sadly) No, he is very unwell. 268

Rosalie269

What is his ailment?270

Jackson271

Nothing that can be mended, unless...272

Rosalie273

Unless what?274

Jackson275

No, never mind. It was foolish of me to even consider it.276

Rosalie277

Consider what?278

Jackson279

Good day, fair Rosalie.280

Rosalie281

Wait!282

(Jackson moves to walk away, Rosalie moves to block him, but he evades and manages to escape offstage. 283

(Back in the street. Edmund is walking, when Jackson enters.)284

Rosalie285

I never meant any harm, I swear it! Please, let the poet be well.286

(Edmund enters. Rosalie sees him, and barely manages to curb her desire to rush to him. Instead to she walks quickly to intercept him.)287

Rosalie288

How fares you, poet?289

Edmund290

Truth be told, fair maid, my heart is ill.291

Rosalie292

(paling) Ill? How so?293

Edmund294

My heart has been denied that which is sorely needs, and now it's bruised beatings are a constant pain, and a constant reminder of what I lack.295

Rosalie296

Oh, then he spoke the truth!297

(Rosalie turns away and covers her face with her hands. Edmund, confused, put a comforting hand on her shoulder.)298

Edmund299

What is true, fair Rosalie?300

Rosalie301

You are ill, unwell, and there is nothing I can do!302

Edmund303

Well, there is, but...304

Rosalie305

What?306

Edmund307

Never mind. To even think it makes my heart beat more painfully.308

Rosalie309

Then think not of it, poet, for surely you will die from the pain.310

Edmund311

Ah, but would that be so bad?312

Rosalie313

Indeed it would!314

Edmund315

Why?316

Rosalie317

Why?318

Edmund319

Is there an echo?320

(Jackson enters, sees Rosalie and Edmund, and crosses to them)321

Rosalie322

I must be going.323

Edmund324

So soon?325

Rosalie326

Yes, I fear I must. Be well, poet.327

Edmund328

As my angel commands.329

(Rosalie exits. Jackson looks supremely satisfied.)330

Edmund331

How strange.332

Jackson333

What is strange?334

Edmund335

Nothing. I must be off. Good day, my friend.336

Jackson337

Good day.338

(Edmund exits.)339

(Curtain)340

Scene V:341

(Back at shop. Patrick is behind the counter, and Rosalie is sitting on a chair, obviously distressed.)342

Rosalie343

Father, what shall I do?344

Patrick345

(Hiding his amusement) Do? Why, I thought you meant to do nothing.346

Rosalie347

But I must do something! The poet is ill!348

Patrick349

Ah yes, but why is he ill?350

Rosalie351

His heart is bruised, he said, and each beat is a pain. He said it were better if he were dead!352

(Rosalie begins to wring her hands.)353

What shall I do?354

Patrick355

And cause him further distress? Nothing, my child.356

Rosalie357

(sharply) What do you mean?358

Patrick359

Was he ill the last time you saw him?360

Rosalie361

Well, no.362

Patrick363

And how was he ill?364

Rosalie365

His heart, he said, was bruised. Oh, the thought is too painful to bear!366

Patrick367

(solemnly) I think, my child, there is nothing you can do for him, for truly you would only further aggravate the injury.368

Rosalie369

(shocked) What a horrid thing to suggest!370

Patrick371

Think about it, my child. His heart is injured.372

(Rosalie thinks about it, then suddenly understands.)373

Rosalie374

What a lowly trick, to prey upon me so!375

Patrick376

What do you mean?377

Rosalie378

He lied to earn my sympathy! Well, I'll show him how I feel about that, you just watch.379

(Rosalie stands and marches out of the shop. Patrick is left, smiling.)380

Patrick381

She seems to be moving with unseemly haste to see the lowly poet, it seems to me.382

(Curtain)383

Scene VI:384

(City square. Jackson is mulling about when Rosalie enters, looking highly annoyed. Jackson moves to intercept her.)385

Jackson 386

Fair Rosalie, we meet again. How fortunate.387

Rosalie388

You!389

Jackson390

Yes, me. Might I help you with something?391

Rosalie392

Yes, you may. You say you were to speak with me on the poet's behalf, correct?393

Jackson394

It is. Do you have a message for him?395

Rosalie396

Indeed I do. Where is he?397

Jackson398

Ah, perhaps it would be better if I delivered it for you.399

Rosalie400

Very well. You may tell the poet that he is a filthy scoundrel, and never to speak to me again!401

(She turns to walk away, but Jackson intercepts her.)402

Jackson403

Why so harsh?404

Rosalie405

He lied!406

Jackson407

About what, pray tell?408

Rosalie409

He said his heart was bruised! He made me believe he was ill!410

Jackson411

Ah, but he spoke the truth.412

Rosalie413

How so?414

Jackson415

He loved you from the moment he saw you, and your rather flippant dismissal wounded his heart. Not physically, of course, but emotionally the poor lad is bleeding.416

Rosalie417

So his heart is emotionally bruised. That does not constitute as ill.418

Jackson419

Ah, but he has made himself ill over you.420

Rosalie421

Over me?422

Jackson423

Aye, over you.424

Rosalie425

Why?426

Jackson427

Because he loves you, and you do not return his tender feelings.428

Rosalie429

I never said that!430

Jackson431

You implied it.432

Rosalie433

I thought I told you that my implications were none of your concern, goodman.434

Jackson435

Yes, but they are Edmund's, are they not?436

Rosalie437

Well-438

Jackson439

Go to him, fair maid, and mend the wounds you put in his heart.440

Rosalie441

Don't talk like that! You-442

Jackson443

Make your heart ache?444

(Rosalie blushes and turns away, then turns back to face him.)445

Rosalie446

Do not speak out of turn, goodman, lest you bring my wrath down upon you.447

Jackson448

I meant no harm, I assure you.449

Rosalie450

Hmph. Where might I find the poet?451

Jackson452

Why, so you might harm his further? 453

Rosalie454

You just said to mend the wounds I placed upon him!455

Jackson456

But only love can mend love's wounds. Do you love the poet Edmund, fair Rosalie?457

(Rosalie appears distressed, as she tries to figure out a way to say 'yes' without actually saying it. Finally, she gives up.)458

Rosalie459

Yes, I love him with all of my heart.460

Jackson461

Why so downtrodden? Love is a joyous thing!462

Rosalie463

But not when you have hurt that which you love! Oh, I wish that I could take it all back!464

Jackson465

It's not too late.466

Rosalie467

Truly?468

Jackson469

Go to the poet. Tell him of your love.470

Rosalie471

I cannot!472

Jackson473

Why ever not?474

Rosalie475

Because, I can’t!476

Jackson477

Then get him to profess his love, then simply agree. Would that violate your constitution, fair maid?478

(Rosalie considers it.)479

Rosalie480

No.481

Jackson482

Good, then hasten, the day is waning.483

Rosalie484

Yes, I shall. Farewell, goodman Jackson.485

Jackson486

Farewell and good luck, fair maid.487

(Rosalie exits.)488

Jackson489

Such haste between lovers. Why? They have the rest of their lives to play their games. Ah well, it makes a very amusing day to watch them. 490

(Curtain)491

Scene VII:492

(Edmund is sitting on the edge of a fountain in the town square, scribbling furiously. Rosalie enters and walks over to him, curious.)493

Rosalie494

What have you there, poet?495

Edmund496

(looking up) Words for you, my fair maiden.497

Rosalie498

Oh? What kind of words, pray tell?499

Edmund500

Words of passion and power to win your heart, my glorious lady.501

(Rosalie snatches the paper and reads it)502

Rosalie503

Words of power and passion, for you, are not words at all.504

Edmund505

Oh, sharp-tongued maiden, you wrong me.506

Rosalie507

Sir, I wrong you not, for though my tongue be sharp my words are gentle.508

Edmund509

The words that flow from your beauteous lips are far from gentle.510

Rosalie511

'Tis not my fault my calm and gentle words do mock your quiet poetry, good sir.512

Edmund513

Mock? I say not. Calm and gentle? I disagree. The words that flow from your lips are powerful and bold, and do make my kind and gentle words of love seem weak and passionless next to the raging river of words that do flow from your lips.514

Rosalie515

Kind and gentle words of love? Good poet, do not make me laugh! Your idle daydreaming, though humble and sweet in nature, do not profess love.516

Edmund517

Then what does?518

Rosalie519

Why, I don't exactly know.520

Edmund521

If you do not know, then why do you say my words do not profess love? 522

Rosalie523

Because words of love are strong and passionate. You're words are weak.524

Edmund525

My words are weak?526

Rosalie527

Need I repeat myself?528

Edmund529

Gentle maiden, I pray do, for I could listen to the sound of your melodious voice for years without reprieve.530

Rosalie531

There they are again!532

Edmund533

There is what?534

Rosalie535

Your words!536

Edmund537

What about my words?538

Rosalie539

Such weak and pitiful words cannot profess love. Do try again.540

Edmund541

I am afraid I do not understand.542

Rosalie543

Haven't you been paying attention?544

Edmund545

Of course. Have you?546

Rosalie547

This talk of words is idle banter. Come, profess your love.548

Edmund549

Profess my love? I thought we were comparing words.550

Rosalie551

Words are meaningless. The meaning lies behind the words, in the meaning of the words.552

Edmund553

The meaning of the meaningless words is behind the words' meaning?554

Rosalie555

Exactly.556

Edmund557

My lady, you digress.558

Rosalie559

What?560

Edmund561

We are here to discuss love, not the meaning of meaningless words.562

Rosalie563

Then get on with it!564

Edmund565

What?566

Rosalie567

You came to profess your love, did you not?568

Edmund569

Ah yes, so an engagement can be arranged.570

Rosalie571

An engagement? You are moving with unseemly haste.572

Edmund573

How is my haste unseemly?574

Rosalie575

Because an courtship is supposed to be slow so it can be enjoyed.576

Edmund577

A courtship? I was only speaking of engagement!578

Rosalie579

Is there a difference?580

Edmund581

Of course.582

Rosalie583

How so?584

Edmund585

To speak of courtship is to move with unseemly haste.586

Rosalie587

I am moving with unseemly haste?588

Edmund589

Yes. No. I don't know.590

Rosalie591

I think we have moved far off topic.592

Edmund593

Yes, you're right.594

Rosalie595

So get on with it.596

Edmund597

With what?598

Rosalie599

The engagement!600

Edmund601

Ah yes, of course. I fear the closeness of your glorious self has robbed me of my wits, fair maiden.602

Rosalie603

That was better. 604

Edmund605

Was it now?606

Rosalie607

Indeed it was. But still you have not professed your love.608

Edmund609

(taking her hand) Words alone cannot do my heart justice, I'm afraid. The glory and splendor I see sparkling in your shining eyes alone has stolen my words. The nearness of you has caused my chest to seize up, and makes it nearly impossible to bring air into my lungs.610

Rosalie611

You seem to talk a lot for someone with no air, good poet.612

Edmund613

My love fuels me. 614

Rosalie615

Ah yes, of course.616

Edmund617

You do not seemed surprised.618

Rosalie619

Should I have been?620

Edmund621

Perhaps.622

Rosalie623

Oh dear. Shall I try again?624

Edmund625

I would appreciate the effort.626

Rosalie627

(exaggerated) Oh gentle poet, your words do make my knees go weak. The power and passion in your voice is too much for my gentle heart. I fear I am about to swoon!628

(Rosalie falls forward against Edmund to complete her exaggeration, but before she can recover and deliver another quick-witted jibe, Edmund kisses her)629

Edmund630

It seems I have won.631

Rosalie632

I think you cheated.633

Edmund634

You wrong me.635

Rosalie636

You wrong me!637

Edmund638

How so?639

Rosalie640

That kiss was stolen.641

Edmund642

Ah yes, but kisses are not to be given freely, but taken whenever one has the chance.643

Rosalie644

You lie!645

Edmund646

(solemnly) You're accusations hurt me. 647

Rosalie648

Oh dear. Shall I wrap the wound for you?649

Edmund650

I doubt that you could.651

(Rosalie kisses him)652

Edmund653

(taken aback) Thief, thief!654

Rosalie655

What do you mean?656

Edmund657

You have stolen from me!658

Rosalie659

Did not.660

Edmund661

Indeed you did. You stole a kiss.662

Rosalie663

But you just said kisses were to be taken, not given freely. Besides, I was merely collecting the debt you owed me.664

Edmund665

Well, in that case, you owe me something as well.666

Rosalie667

Oh? What's that?668

Edmund669

Your heart.670

Rosalie671

My heart?672

Edmund673

Yes. You have stolen my heart, so it's only fair that I get yours in return.674

Rosalie675

(reluctantly) Very well. 676

Edmund677

Truly?678

Rosalie679

Hasten, gentle poet, lest I change my mind.680

Edmund681

Oh no, fair maiden, you have given me your heart and you shall never get it back. 682

Rosalie683

What now?684

Edmund685

Why, now we call the church. We must rouse the priest!686

Rosalie687

You are moving with unseemly haste, good poet.688

Edmund689

Haste is all I can move with, fair Rosalie, for if I slow I shall lose my momentum, and my steps will falter.690

Rosalie691

Then it appears all that is left is haste.692

Edmund693

Indeed.694

Rosalie695

Then we must hasten.696

(Rosalie and Edmund exit)697

(Curtain)698

The End699