"Ok, we're gonna do this." Jake cocked his gun and turned to Kyle. "You think youre ready for this?" Kyle nodded sullenly and looked down.1
They drove the empty streets of Maryland hunting for their next victim, not to shoot but just to scare. Even though they wanted to be tough, they couldnt take a murder being on thier record. 2
Kyle spotted two girls walking and decided they would do. "Remember, girls are worth more points, easier to scare. Let's just point and shoot at them. Then we can floor it and get away from here." Jake's toothy smile spread wide across his face. 3
The black SUV halted and with a screech of the tires, two bullets sprouted from the vehicle. Jake laughed uncontrolably as he fired more rounds. The girls ducked and screamed in fright. "STOP IT! We only wanted to scare them! Stop firing you jackass!!" But Kyle's voice was drowned by the harsh cackles of the gun.4
Jake pulled the trigger a few more time but nothing happened. "Damnit... out of bullets. Gotta reload." The two girls began running for their lives "No you fucker!!! Thats enough! Im not going down with some murdering freak!" Kyle's face grew red with anger and fear as he struggled to get the gun from him. But with a quick flick of the wrist, Jake knocked him out cold with the butt of the gun.5
"Damn fool. Shouldnt have tried to stop me..." Jake reloaded and hit the gas in the direction the girls ran. "RUN SOME MORE BITCHES! NOTHING WILL SAVE YOU!" 6
One of the girls pushed the other to the ground, and they both fell to their knees, cowering. She whispered to her friend, "I promised I'll always protect you..." Jake fired and final bullet, igniting a metal flame into the human sheild's back.7
She fell to the ground silently, as her friend replaced her screams of pain.8
Author notes
Sorry for the errors, didnt have time to correct it.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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hmm, it's good, still could have been better. it threw me off, because you didn't really establish who was driving, so i was all like "why doesn't the guy drive off?"
It was well written, but the descriptions were bland and kept me detached from it all, and the line that the chick says to the other is retarded. It completely threw off the perspective, because i was in the car with the guys and there were these two strange chicks we're shooting at, and then suddenly im from the victim's perspective and i have no description or feelings for her because you gave no reason to have any emotion towards them.
maybe fire the final bullet and go into a couple sentence flashback about when she said that? and then the bullet flies and hits and we are left with a sense of deadened insides and sorrow? i dunno.
could have been way better, and not because it's short, because it could have been even shorter and been better.
Matt (third comment) -
This is so sad but I still like it! I wonder where you got the idea for this one?? It very strong! Keep up the awesome work! You rock!
x0x_Georgia.
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