The Coming of Memories/Ch3

Ch.3: Amanda 1

After about three minutes of waiting, her brother Matt finally opens the door. He waits for me to introduce myself. Even he seems a little frightened at my resemblance to Jenny’s.2

“I’m Emily, I was at the emergency room earlier today…” I hold up Mrs. Nevall's purse, “Mrs. Nevall left this at the hospital.”3

Matt snatched the purse and said, “Thanks.”4

He began closing the door, which I could not have.5

“I was wondering,” I said, leaning in towards the door before he could close it. He opened it back up a few inches. “Is Mrs. Nevall home?”6

Matt sighed and vented, “Yes, but—“7

I interrupted, “I understand about your sister, she was my friend. I just want to ask her a question or two. I won’t be here ten minutes.”8

Matt squinted his eyes and winced. He opened the door completely, and welcomed me inside.  I walked in and remembered the house instantly. Where the silverware was, where Jenny hid her poetry and writings.9

Matt led me to the right, their family room, complete with TV and fireplace. To the back there was a deck. Mrs. Nevall sat on the couch while Mr. Nevall was on the recliner. Both looked exhausted and empty.10

And they looked even more surprised when I stood in front of them.11

“Evening…” I began. “I’m sorry that I’m here, I felt like I should return your purse.”12

Mrs. Nevall spoke first, “How did you get our address?”13

I looked around for a moment. That wasn’t a question I had thought would have been asked. “I’ve had it for a while. Plus, the boy who lives beside you… I’ve been to his house a few times. Jenny told me that he lived beside her.”14

Tom and Barbara Nevall looked at me like they could see through me. Maybe they were human-sensors too. I could tell they didn’t like me here, but I still wanted some more answers.15

“I was hoping you’d answer a few things for me.” By now, Ben had came from downstairs and Matt was still standing by the front door. They all filed into the living room and sat wherever they could. They left no room for me to sit anywhere.16

Ben said before I could begin my interviews, “Damn. You have any idea how much you look like her?”17

I looked down at my shoes, then back up. His faithless heart burned with love for his sister. I wished that she could have known how much they did love her.18

“I am aware of the resemblance.” They all had to be wondering why I was here. And why I looked so much like their dead daughter or sister. Barbara didn’t even scold Ben for his swearing, which she had normally always done. Even Tom, who seemed to have the most faith of all of them, was questioning why their daughter had to die. What he should have been asking himself is what I am going to accomplish for her.19

“I’ll try to not ask a lot of questions, and you can tell me to leave whenever you want.” I said, trying to seem nervous. The truth was, I knew a lot about every person in the room. There wasn’t a reason for me to be nervous.20

“Have you told anyone about her death?” I asked, appearing very sad.21

Tom stated, “Just family. I don’t know how her friends are going to find out. She had one very, very close friend for all of her life. She lives in Beckley. I couldn’t imagine what she would think if we just called her.”22

“Would it be okay with all of you if I was the one to tell all of her friends?” I asked.23

They all seemed to exchange silent reluctance. They didn’t know me at all – or so they thought. “I wasn’t very close to Jenny,” I continued, “but I know what it feels. I was the first one to find out. I can go to school and tell everyone what happened, but keep it simple and less… overwhelming.” I emphasize with hand gestures.24

“And I can go to Beckley and tell her friend.” And the very second I said it, I regretted it. I could tell they weren’t going to let me do that. Her friend would probably think it was a joke.25

“I think it’d be fine if you wanted to tell her friends at school,” Barbara stood up for her daughter’s memory, “but we should be the ones to tell Amanda and her friends in Ashland.”26

I nodded in obedience. I wasn’t even going to tell her friends at school. Just maybe talk with some of her old teachers. See what they thought. A sinister thought entered my mind, but it was one too evil that even I would refuse to play it. Everyone would know that she had died by school on Monday. It was Saturday now, so I had a couple more days before I could go to her school and see her friends, capture her memory of it. But, the evil plan would be to truly haunt those who had hurt her the most. They would know she was dead, but I looked exactly like her, so I would haunt them. Okay, like I said, it’s too evil.27

I decide that I must see Amanda before they do. I tell them that I’m sorry for the inconvenience, and I am sorry about Jenny. Then I ask them something that probably wasn’t necessary. “What are you going to do with her things?”28

Tom and Barbara look at each other with pain floating from their eyes. “She didn’t have a legal will, so I guess… anything anyone wants to take.” Tom said. But then Barbara disagreed.29

“We should keep some of her things, if not everything. Why not keep her room the way it is now, with nothing of hers gone?” Barbara seemed frantic.30

I intercepted the conversation before anyone else could say anything, “Would you mind if I took her CD collection?” This caused them to look at each other in desperation again.31

Matt ran upstairs before anything could be said. He came back down a few minutes later, with a large CD case in his hand. He nearly tossed it at me, and I thanked him. “Are you sure it’s okay?”32

They all nodded.33

I let myself out.34

Once back in my car, I slid a CD into the player. At least the CD player worked. I remembered the route to go to Amanda’s. I remember her being Jenny’s best friend, for her entire life. I would try to get information out of her without letting on that Jenny was dead. I figured that there isn’t a better start than her best friend.35

I wasn’t supposed to drive more than a maximum amount of miles, but I figured that if they wanted me to test-drive it, then by God, I’d test drive it. I could maybe tell Amanda that I needed a place to stay. She’d think it really was Jenny. A surprise visit, but only for a night.36

At least there, I know I’d be safe. And I could tell her everything that Jenny wanted to tell her before she died. I really felt good about this trip. I only had to break the speed limit because I knew I had to get there before Jenny’s parents made that awful call.37

After driving a couple of hours, I got off at the Harper Road exit in North Beckley. I made all the necessary turns towards her house. I become aware of a lot more memories of Jenny’s while driving down that road. I could feel that Jenny really was upset that I was driving to her house – and that she couldn’t do anything about us switching places.38

I pull into Amanda’s driveway, kind of crooked, but I don’t care. I try to seem desperate, as though I have no where else to go but Amanda’s. I go up and knock on the door. I know they’re home because all three cars are parked on the yard or in the driveway.39

Sandy, Amanda’s mother, comes to the door and looks very surprised, “Jenny! I wasn’t expecting you!” No hint of unfamiliarity. I was definitely Jenny with no doubt in Sandy’s eyes.  Amanda comes up behind her mother in a few seconds.40

“What are you doing here?” They both ask in unison, but not in an annoyed way. More like a concerned and happy way. Sandy looked at the Grand Prix and noticed no one else was in it.41

“Did you come by yourself?” Sandy asks.42

“Yes.” I finally say. They invite me inside, and I sit on their couch, staring at the Grand Prix from the view inside.43

Amanda, born one day after Jenny, looked at me with happiness. I hinted a little sign that she could tell something was different.  Amanda’s long blonde hair, actually the same length as Jenny’s was, and her blue eyes were the only two factors that separated the two from being twins. Also, Jenny weighed more, but that wasn’t really a factor.44

Amanda’s sister, Amy, walked into the living room from the long, narrow hallway that led to her room. “Hey Jenny, what are you doin’ here?” Eventually their brother Michael came out and asked the same thing. I sat in silence for what seemed a long time, wondering what I should say. Would they see through me? I didn’t feel right impersonating her, even though that had been my plan all along. And I couldn’t bear to tell them that she was dead. Jenny was obviously a normal part of their lives.45

“I’m sorry I came without any notice,” I finally speak, directing my voice towards Sandy. “It’s really rude of me, but…” I look down and clasp my hands together.46

“Does your mom know you’re here?” Sandy asks.47

“Oh, yes.” I grin at her.48

“How long are you going to stay?” Amanda asks.49

“Just tonight, I’m afraid.” I look at her. She has to notice that there’s a difference between Jenny and I. Then a thought occurred. What if her parents called and told them that Jenny had died? Surely they’d wait a day, at least.50

Sandy busied herself by cooking dinner, since I informed them that I had no money. When Amy and Michael followed Amanda and I to Amanda’s room, they both wanted to know what I was doing here alone with a brand new Grand Prix in the driveway.51

I knew what it must have looked like. I was in some sort of trouble. I had no idea of what to tell them, other than, “It’s personal stuff. I just had to get away for tonight. That’s all you need to know.” I said, looking down.52

With that being said, Amy and Michael both left Amanda’s room. She looked at me, and was silently pressuring me to tell her what happened. I could lie to her, say that I stole the car, and that I was on my way to Charleston tomorrow to trade the car in for yet another one.53

Amanda went to shut her door, then exclaimed, “What is going on?”54

I remained silent, and sat on her futon. “I didn’t know where else to go, Amanda.”55

I remember all of the things that had happened with her and Jenny, and it warmed my soul to know that Amanda really cared for Jenny. They had more than a life-long friendship going. Why would God take that away from Jenny – or even Amanda? I wouldn’t ever be what Jenny was to Amanda. Or to anyone else.56

“Why couldn’t you go home?” She asked gently.57

“Because I made them mad.” I say quietly, halfway expecting Sandy, Amy, and Michael to be just outside the door trying to eavesdrop.58

“What happened, Jenny?” Amanda asked, sitting down beside me, feeling rather impatient. I had to come up with something, fast. And make sure that she wouldn’t ever tell anyone. I burst into tears because of the frustration. I don’t know what to say, and I feel so ashamed for lying to Jenny’s best friend.59

“Did someone do something to you?” She asks gently.60

I nod.61

“And you were stable enough to drive up here?” She exclaims.62

I nod.63

“You don’t have to tell me right now, Jenny. You can stay here as long as you want.” Amanda reassures me.64

“I’ll only need to stay tonight. I can’t go home…” I look up at her with Jenny’s brown eyes.65

Amanda gets up, declaring she’s going to fix popcorn and we can watch movies in her room and have no one bother us.66

I shake my head and nod with appreciation. She turns off the fans in her room, noticing that I was shivering. I ask her before she leaves her room, “Please don’t tell anyone yet.”67

She looks back at me and says, “Don’t worry.” Barely above a whisper. She grins with a hint of concern.68

Now that she had gone to make popcorn, I had more time to think about what someone would do to me that would cause me to be stable enough to drive to Amanda’s yet disallow me to go to my own home. I don’t know how I’m going to achieve this in less than two minutes.69

There were the stitches in my hand. I could say that someone attacked me. The whole gig about going to the hospital to getting my hand stitched wouldn’t work. Neither would my telling her the truth of what is going on, of what I need to find out. Maybe she just wouldn’t ask again.70

Two minutes or so later, Amanda walked back in her room with two bowls of popcorn in her hands. Amy followed her, carrying two glasses of soda – what looked to be a Pepsi product. Amanda handed me a bowl, then Amy offered the drink, and then exited the room. So here I was, sitting in Amanda’s room, Pepsi in one hand and popcorn in the other, ready to watch a long movie with Amanda.71

And she still had no idea why I was there.72

“Before you start the movie,” I began slowly. By now the tears that had attacked my eyes earlier were wiped away. I forced myself to stand, set my popcorn and pop down on the hardwood floor, and walk over to her window. I looked through the glass and up towards the cloudy sky. I had no more strength left. I prayed silently that Jenny would provide some of her own. “I need to tell you something.” Turning, to see Amanda still sitting on her futon, she glanced up from her position.73

“I’ve done a lot of thinking lately.” I say quietly. “I really need you to know all these things that I’m about to tell you. It’s something that…” I take a breath and wince at what Jenny might possibly be thinking.  “Something that you should know.”74

I received Amanda’s full attention, and finally sat down beside her.75

“If something were to ever happen to me, you should know that it’s not the end of the world.” I waited for her response.76

“What are you talking about?” Her eyes are getting darker.77

I close my eyes, and somehow the words pour out of me, almost as if Jenny were using me as an instrument to speak to her.78

“You’ve been there for every time I’ve needed someone. When things went wrong, I would know where to turn to get support and to get someone to listen. I don’t think there’s anyone else who’s been able to listen to me ramble and cry and complain as patiently as you have done.” I stopped for another breath, and another response.79

“I feel just as you do.” Amanda said, still concerned.80

“You’re probably going to hear some things about me that you won’t believe at first,” I take yet another breath. “But you shouldn’t worry. You will always meet other people.” And for the first time, I look up to find her eyes ferociously burning with tears.81

“What is going on?” She asks again. I realize the turmoil that I’ve caused and the worries I’ve placed in her heart while asking her to not do so. “What do you mean, ‘other people?’” She asked, obviously very confused.82

“You will know soon.” I smile at her. The popcorn seems as though it has eyes and is tearing a hole in my forehead. Food at this moment doesn’t seem appetizing. I need to get more information from Amanda.83

Amanda put the topic of, “other people,” aside, and slid in a videotape cassette of an old movie. She sat back in her futon and we began talking anyway.84

“Do you remember when we were little,” Amanda said, still focusing on the television screen, “and we would jump on my trampoline and talk for hours? Even not so long ago, we went out there and sat on it and just talked for hours.” She smiled at me. “I don’t know what else makes me happier.”85

The memories jumped to my attention one by one; of jumping, literally. Her large trampoline that always took Jenny a minute to climb onto was always one of the highlights of trips that she made to Amanda’s house. When you’re little, that sort of thing just adds up in the end. But, as Amanda had stated, even when they were teenagers they’d sit out late at night, way past midnight, talking about life. Things that bothered them; things that meant a lot to them. Anything that they thought about saying eventually ended up being talked about.86

I sat in amazement at the friendship.87

“Something’s different about you.” Amanda looked at me, scrutinizing my face. I wasn’t sure what to say.88

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.” I conveyed.89

“I got a really bad feeling earlier today,” she started, “something about you. Something about how you were hurt.” Amanda twisted her face into knots at the thought.90

I stared through the television monitor. “I guess you know how to call ‘em.”91

“What do you want to know?” Amanda stared into my eyes farther than I felt necessary. She was coming too close.92

“I want to know what you would do if I left.” I asked her.93

“What do you mean, ‘left?’” Amanda questions.94

“I mean, if I left for another place.” I widen my eyes so she knows to answer seriously.95

“I think I’d go with you.”96