Living on Borrowed Time

“Squish!  I stepped on the fallen strawberries.  Its cold, grainy and wet feeling irked me as my blank future irritated me.  As a child I loved eating chilled strawberries with whipped cream and I thought it would uplift me again.  Well, I am older now, and have outgrown a lot of things from my past.1

The easy possibility I had of a fresh new optimistic life frustrated me rather than feeling good.  I guess leaving sick old ways were going to be more painful and difficult than what I bore, rather others bore, while going through them!  Hmmm.  Now a days I seem to have a lot of time in my hands to think, feel and plan.  Now that I have stopped complaining and started to see the positives in life.  Life definitely seems better, happier, lighter.  But I am unable to understand this extreme discontent, which seems to be tagging along and keeping me from possessing the uplifting dream I would prefer to live.”2

Those were the thoughts that often rolled through Artie’s brain, but kept to himself.  They frequently repeated like a broken record whenever he sat in his watch repair shop and tinkered with the latest project.  Perhaps a change of scenery from the routine surroundings might of helped remove the nagging that kept him from the real level of joyful emotions he felt eluded him.  However as usual, he would keep those thoughts bottled up and hidden behind his stoic and frequently passive face.  That included a special “reality” he was desperate to share with someone.3

His basic reclusive nature would occasionally lift the veil from his hidden secrets if he was in the company of those he regarded as friends more than just customers.  When he did in order to keep from any risk embarrassment, Artie would channel his real feelings through a venue of fantasy, preferably science fiction, which he loved the most.  It lead to those conversations that helped pass the time and relieve the stress and disappointed he often endured no matter how hard he tried to strip those feelings from his life.  4

Knowing his reputation for such fantasies it wasn’t surprising that most of his customers never looked upon such dialogue as anything to be taken series.  Today, Artie was trying to be restrained in his comments, but his eyes expressed a seriousness and urgency that his current customer didn’t truly appreciate.  And when it resulted in a gusher of honesty coming from the watch repairman’s lips, his patron was hardy prepared for the what he heard.5

“How long do you expect me to listen to this dribble?”6

“As long as it takes to get you to believe me.”7

“Look Artie you are a great watch repairman.  I’ll give you that, but this time machine nonsense might make for a good sci-fi flick, in fact it already has.  But don’t try for a second to get me to buy that you actually have one that works.”8

“Come on Sid, how many times have you known me to make things up?” Artie asks as he makes the last adjustments to his customer’s watch.9

“Now that you mention it all the time. Which is why I don’t know how come you expect me to buy this idea as other than another of your daydreaming what if conversations.”10

“This time that isn’t it.  I’m telling you that I actually developed a real time machine.”11

“Yeah I know you said just explained why you couldn’t prove it.  Conveniently the model you made just happened to have broke down and vanished in a time warp of some kind so you couldn’t prove it.”12

“But I think I might be able to recreate it.”13

“Right.  I noticed you emphasized might.  Not that you can for sure.  I swear all of this silliness so you can try to warn me that I won’t be around by the end of the week unless I er, just forget it the idea of me being hit by some bus is stupid.  I never go anywhere near the bus lines since I drive everywhere.”14

“Just don’t say I didn’t warn you come Friday.”15

“I’d like to sit here and chat all day, but I do have a job to go to.  Now if you are done with my watch I’ll pay for it and then get on to the real world.”16

Artie was finished.  He methodically sets the time and then hands it to Sid.  “That will be five bucks.”17

Sid smiles.  “Fair enough.”18

After Sid leaves Artie goes back to repairing another watch.  He could kick himself for saying anything in the first place about time travel.  Even though he had known the man for years and thought of him as a friend, he should have figured that Sid wouldn’t believe him.19

Time travel was after all the stuff of dreams and fairy tales.  Sid had been right, they had made a movie about time machines and several stories had been done about the idea.  It wasn’t anything new.  In fact he had even heard some people claim they were time travelers, which until recently he figured was a crock.20

That was until he had that darn dream.  In it he saw so vividly the details of constructing a time machine.  Amazingly in his dream it wasn’t anywhere nearly as impressive or bulky as the machine in the movie.  His was about the size of a stopwatch.  It simple removed a person from the stream of changing seconds and then you could move forwards or backwards in time by adjusting the knob.  Pretty simple really and nothing that came close to resembling a device that would impress anyone even if it did work.21

But stupid him, he sat the thing down and in the process hit the button to activate it.  Then before his eyes and not giving him a chance to stop it the darn thing shifted in time and disappeared. 22

If only he had bothered to write down the details of his dream.  He constructed the whole thing the next morning after having the dream.  It never occurred to him that he would succeed in losing it.23

All he had done was manage one trip a few days ahead in time.  That was all he had mustered in terms of courage.  It was long enough for him to see Sid killed in that accident since he had simply gone onto the street in front of his shop to activate the device.24

However warning his buddy didn’t prove to be a good idea obviously since he couldn’t prove he had actually built the timepiece or that it worked.  As he went back to tinkering on his latest repair order his mind felt he heaviness of guilt and depression over knowing at this point he could do nothing to help Sid.  He wanted to, but he knew the man well enough to know the guy wouldn’t come near his shop again till after Friday just to prove Artie wrong.25

That afternoon Artie feels more restless than usual.  It is stirred more than anything, but his sense of frustration over having lost that “key” to time, which would allow him to travel to other moments in history.  It wasn’t fair.  It just wasn’t fair.26

In vain he had done his best to reconstruct that device from memory.  But it just didn’t work.   No matter how hard he concentrated there were just too many blank spots in his thinking.  And that only made him feel worse.27

Exhausted from all the effort, he finally laid his head down on his arms to take a nap.  Perhaps the sleep would refresh and clear his head.28

Then mercifully, as if it was an answer to a prayer, the image came into his dream.  All the pieces needed stuck in his brain.29

The moment he awoke he grabbed the parts from his storage bins and quickly assembled the little time machine again.  This time he would be more careful.  This time he would be sure he didn’t act careless and do anything to lose this version.30

Now the big question was where did he want to go first?  He had been a few days in the future and that hadn’t turned out very well.  So he gave thought to what appeal the most to his curiosity.31

From the brief encounter with his first trip into the unknown Artie knew that this little device only granted him a chance to be an observer and an invisible one at that.  It was like he was a ghost, able to observe events, but not actually be part of them.  That was when he visited the future at least.  He wasn’t sure about the past.  In either case for him time travel was nothing like in the movies where you were suddenly a part of that time.32

So he finally decided his next choice would be a quick trip into the past.  Not that far, maybe four to five years past.  Like before he would start up his little device and then pass through the front door the moment he was removed from any plain of reality.  From there he could observe his world.  It would give him a chance to see just how good his memory was about recent events.33

Holding up the device, Artie swallowed hard from nerves.  This might not be his first use of this little device and he still wondered what inspired the dream, but it didn’t keep him from feeling a little fearful over what might happen next.34

Turning the little knob on the device, suddenly his shop began to spin like it had the last time.  It was just enough to make him feel out of place and apart from its reality.  A heartbeat later and he felt transparent and no longer about of the ticks of the clock.35

Now to move back a few years, three for starters.  That would be enough time to see how this thing worked in regards to the past.  Adjusting the knob and looking at the face, he saw the time slowly moving backwards.36

Getting up from his chair he moved towards the door.  Just in time to see himself opening the shop’s door from the previous day.  It was an odd sensation, being able to see himself.  But since he was just a visitor and not an actual participation in that time it didn’t feel so bad.37

Admittedly it was a real strange feeling to pass through the figure of himself like he wasn’t there.  He had not sensation to accompany the feeling, just the oddity of his current invisible and transparent form passing through his real body from the past.  Then he walked through the door and stood on the sidewalk.38

As the days passed backwards very quickly Artie found the whole sight more than a little curious.  Life seemed to rush by and everyone he saw simple went about their lives totally oblivious to the fact they were being watched.39

At the same time he watched himself each day shuffle down the sidewalk after parking his car and then come to the front door and go inside to start the day’s work.  God did he really look all that sad and pathetic to others and he seemed to himself?  That would be something he would work on when he returned to his own time.40

Artie observed the dial on his time device until it had metered out a total of three years.  They might have passed quickly, but they were hardly all that exciting.  Pretty soon he would make the decision to walk down the street and explore the rest of the world from the recent pass.41

Well there he was again, right on time.  Artie watched himself trudge down the street for the countless time.  Talk about old news.  Wait a minute there was something different.  God he looked so tired and exhausted.  He couldn’t recall ever feeling that bad.42

Then the moment he sees himself standing in front of his store suddenly he sees the Artie from the past grab his chest and cry out in terrible pain.  Seconds later he is lying on the floor.  A passerby stops and bends down to help and then takes out a cell phone and calls 911.  A couple of minutes later an ambulance arrives and the two paramedics get out and rush up to treat him.  Only they look at each other after a couple of seconds and shake their heads.  This can’t be happening!  They are claiming he is dead!43

Artie recalls that day and his recollection is completely different.  He remembers the pain in his chest and even blacking out, but later — oh my god they are taking him away in the ambulance with a sheet over his body!44

And what is this?  Suddenly reality vanished and there was only darkness.  Artie can see the image of himself in transparent form getting off the ground.  Then as he opens his eyes immediately as if the whole world was being recreated everything came into existence again.  Only it wasn’t apparently reality the product of his mind’s creating a world to match the one he had just come from.  He watches as his ghost goes through the motions of going inside.45

Reeling from the reality, Artie can’t believe this.  Was the past three years nothing more than his living it as a ghost?  God this was so scary.  Did that mean this whole time device thing was some product of his imagination?46

He looked down at the little device and it slowly vanished before his eyes.  Then he finally understood.  His mind or that of his soul’s source had maintained the illusion of being alive even though he was dead.47

Well it was true, he had never given much thought to eternity and didn’t subscribe to any given religious idea.  So there was hardly any reason for him to have gone to any version of heaven or hell when he didn’t believe in them.  He never imagined that his soul would simply conjure a world to match his past so he would think he was still alive.48

Taking a deep breath and then exhaling, Artie forces his mind to will itself back to the present or at least the present illusion of his life.  He steps inside his shop and goes over and sits down at the counter too stunned to know what to do next.49

Something prods him to focus on the counter.  He thinks of the image of a blue vase.  And almost immediately it comes into being.  Only it doesn’t last long before vanishing. It is then he realizes that his mind can only sustain images that he knew from his past.  How long?  Especially now that he knew the truth that it was merely an illusion from his past and not reality?  Well he could say.  It was borrowed time that was for sure.  And what happen when he quit accepting this reality?  That he couldn’t say either.  Where he would end up after his mind stop creating this world would be a question he didn’t intend to answer any sooner that necessary.50

Monday Sid comes strutting into his shop with a smug look on his face.  “I have to say I look pretty darn good for a suppose corpse don’t you think?”51

Artie smiles.  “You look great Sid.”52

“Well I guess it just shows your supposed time piece didn’t work very good.  Here I am alive as usual.”53

Artie nods.  He doesn’t see any reason to spoil Sid’s illusion that he is still alive.  “So is there anything I can do for you other than witness you being alive?”54

“Nope, just wanted to show you that your so-called time machine was just in your imagination.”55

“That you did.”56

“I guess I’ll catch up with you later then.  You know it was a funny thing though.  Last Friday I did have my car break down and I did actually have to walk and amazingly I was hurry across the street and this bus came roaring down on where I was walking.  I nearly thought I was a gonner too.  I guess I blacked out or something, because the next thing I remember is waking up on the pavement without a scratch and my car worked fine after that.  Anyway I got to run I have some errands to take care of.  I’ll see you later.”57

“Time permitting,” Artie whispers to himself.58

“What was that?”59

“Nothing,” Artie says.  Sid gets a puzzled look on his face.  Then he turns and walks away.60

Artie sits back and looks at the watches in need of repair.  At least since it is illusion he can simply think them repaired.  In the process at least he rediscovered his passion for chilled strawberries.  It was his way of coping with the change that ended when he learned his whole life these days was just an unpredictable fantasy.  So every day he makes sure the small glass next to workbench his filled with strawberries to add to his efforts to find joy in the oddity and surrealism that dogs his every moment.61

Along the way he also has to deal with the question of whether the customers that come into his shop are spirits of the dead oblivious to their fate or are simply products of his mind?  However when you know you are living on borrowed time it is a question that may never get answered.62