It Wasnt Yesterday

Yesterday, I screamed until my throat was so dry I almost felt it bleed.1

I had seen your face in every reflective surface - each blank screen, every window... even in my glasses, and then a puddle of water.2

You were frowning at me, there.3

You told me what I felt couldn't be love, or that to be loved scared you, or that you thought I was lying.4

You ran away from me every time I saw you, and so I broke every piece of glass, stomped through every puddle, and went blind for as long as I could bear. 5

I shouted when I couldn't take it any more, and my voice ended up hoarse, unable to even make a whisper.6

I imagined you seeing my tears flow, and turning away, uncomfortable, unsure of what to do.7

I know you don't love me; you couldn't. I don't know how I can love you so much, either, but I do. 8

When we were together, I played with your emotions needlessly. I ran from you because I was afraid that you were lying about your feelings, or I was afriad that you felt something too strong, or something.9

But now, all I want is to be wrapped in your embrace. To smell your soft, quiet scent again, or to see your brilliant smile, or to hear your beautiful, calming laugh.10

I don't want to love you. 11