It's Been Too Long To Throw It Away...

We lay together on the couch, him gazing into my eyes.  I feel like laughing at him-does he think I'm stupid. I lower my eyes and watch as his hand creeps up my thigh.  I refuse to do this.  I've been a virgin too long to just throw it away to some boy I barely know.  Yes, he's sexy; yes, he has mesmerizing big brown eyes; yes, I love his dark skin, his black body pressed against mine; yes, I understand that any girl would give their right arm for him; no, he's not worth it.1

"Please?" His eyes plead, and I find myself having to look away. "Why can't you look me in the eye?"2

"Because it's too hard..." I say. He lifts his hand to my cheek and tries to turn my head towards him, but I resist. "No... I can't look at you?"3

"Why?" He whispers.4

"Because I might say yes." There. I said it. We both know we both want to do it, but I refuse. It's been to long to just throw it away.5

"But I want to sooo bad... c'mon, it's not a big deal."6

And that's what triggers everything inside of me. If he had left that last part out, I would've been another step closer to saying yes. But he just gave me something to use against him.7

"No big deal?" I sit up, and look him in the eye. "You can go around and fuck any girl, so of course it's no big deal to you. I am a virgin, and that's me. You're gonna hafta deal with that... sorry..." 8

He looks into my eyes. "Are you afraid it's gonna hurt?"9

"That's the last thing on my mind. I'm not afraid of a little pain..." It is the truth.10

"Are you afraid people will find out?"11

"Hello no. If they find out, I can deal with that."12

"Hold on... wait right here..." he gets up and I hear him in the other room, fumbling with something. Now I'm pissed off. So what-he's got a condom. Does he think that's gonna change my mind?13

Of course I was right, and he came back and sat down next to me and placed his fingers on it, threatening to open it.14

"Don't waste it," I shake my head at him.15

He sighs and leans his head back on the seat, "Okay... it's cool... it's cool..."16

"Sorry if I made you mad," I whisper. He says it's okay. We sit there for a while, kissing and hugging. My friend comes into the room with her boo, and the boys get ready to leave for practice. By the look on my friend's face, I know they caked. Before he walks out the door, he cups my face in his hands, looks me in the eye, and whispers, "I really respect you. Not alot of girls could've done what you did and just said no. That's sexy."17

I smile, and I lower my eyes to his chest, "Thanks..."18

As he walks out of the door, the only thing on my mind is:19

"My Parents Better Never Accuse Me of Making The Wrong Choices Again"20