Never Date A Pop Star

1

Dear Doctor Sanjit, 2

It came as somewhat of a surprise to learn that you, one of my partners, were the Doctor for the group known as 'The Bangles'. It caused an immediate ethical dilemma as I was in a relationship with one of them. This was one of the reasons I subsequently finished the relationship. Another was her appalling propensity to 'sing' conversation at me, a trait I initially found endearing, but which wore with constant repetition. 3

Why am I writing to you? I have several concerns over her mental stability and her grasp upon reality. Her ability to wax lyrical in the most innapropriate of circumstances was most puzzling and, at the time, misleading. 4

I refer to the episode which 'broke the camel's back' so to speak. I was astonished and appalled that not only did she take her condition lightly but also used it as the basis of a song which subsequently became a big hit. I am sure you will recognise which one as I relate the events as they unfolded. I have written her part in italics! 5

After a particularly prolonged bout of love-making she approached me wth my stethescope in hand and sang: 6

Close your eyes 7

Give me your hand, darlin' 8

This I took as a signal to medically examine her, which I preceded to do. 9

Do you feel my heart beating 10

Do you understand? 11

Her heartbeat was somewhat elevated but nothing out of the norm. No, I didn't understand - yet! 12

Do you feel the same? 13

I took this as rhetoric as I was yet to be aware of her condition! 14

Am I only dreaming 15

Is this burning an eternal flame. 16

Now we came to the gist of the episode. I immediately suspected cystitis. 17

You would imagine that this was routine and well within a doctor's remit. What followed (I had informed her of my suspicions immediately) was chilling. 18

I believe 19

It's meant to be, darlin' 20

An obvious sop to her fatalistic outlook on life. 21

I watch you when you are sleeping 22

You belong with me 23

Alarming! Possessiveness and 'ownership' to an alarming degree! 24

Do you feel the same 25

Am I only dreaming 26

Or is this burning (burning) an eternal flame. 27

Here we can see that she sees her condition, which as you know is easily cureable, as almost a badge of togetherness and wishes me to suffer likewise to display 'solidarity' in a twisted relationship. 28

Say my name 29

Sun shines through the rain 30

Paranoia and doubt creeps in! 31

A whole life so lonely 32

And then you come and ease the pain 33

Falsehood! She was not 'virginus intactus' when we met and given her promiscuous past...... 34

I don't want to lose this feeling, oh. 35

Again she iterates her ailment as an honourable condition of her relationship. 36

I summarize somewhat as the whole thing was oft repeated and gave me chills. I left post-haste and would heartily recommend that you advise said Bangle of the need for counselling and treatment. 37

Thank you for your time and expertise. 38

Dr. Drosspen 39

FYI I have applied a course of Canistan to my nether regions, as any responsible person would. Good luck with this hot potato! I will understand if you never look at the pop charts in quite the same way again, and I apologise for this. 40