Peeves' pet-peeve

Peeves the poltergeist was aptly named. He had a habit, nay, a talent, for getting on everyone's bad-side, even the other ghosts at Hogwarts.

Nearly-headless Nick, of Gryffindor Tower, hated him. The Gray Lady of Ravenclaw was known to give up her normally dignified demeanor and openly curse in his presence. Even the happy-go-lucky Fat Friar of Hufflepuff shot displeased glances at Peeves. Only the Bloody Baron of Slytherin Dungeon, seemed able to put Peeves in his place.

There was no time of the year that Peeves enjoyed more than the Sorting Ceremony, when new students arrived and were sorted into their houses. Peeves usually watched at a distance, marking in his mind those who looked tooo serious or sensitive- those were the most fun! Although peeves never went into Slytherin Dungeon, out of fear of the Baron, he picked on Slytherins whenever he could get away with it. They were so hoyty-toyty, and better-than-thou. Of course Gryffindors were fun, because they were so easy to get into trouble. Ravenclaws were amusing, because they were study-hall nerds who were actually TRYING to learn something. Hufflepuffs, ah yes, Hufflepuffs! Now ,they were real wedgie-candidates!

Peeves watched as each young student, one by one, came up to put on the Sorting Hat, and listened attentively as they were told which house they were going to be in. He saw one in particular, a tall, stocky kid with an unusualy long hair for his age. "Sirius Black." Minerva McGonnagal called out his name, and he approached the Sorting Hat bench. Peeves guessed "Slytherin", but was surprised to hear the Sorting Hat call out "Gryffindor!" Peeves thought to himself "he looks like a right, proper git. I aught to have fun with this one!"

The next few days, Peeves overheard several Slytherins muttering about how the Black family had always been in Slytherin, up until now. This gave Peeves just the ammuntion he had been looking for. Now it was time for a taunt! Hovering up behind young Black, he began singing;

"Poor Black! Poor Black! Poor Black, Poor!

He got stuck in Gryffindor!

Poor Black, Poor Black, it's a sin!

He could'nt make it in Slytherin!"

At this, the Slytherins all clapped and cheered, and began singing along. However, Peeves was disturbed to notice that Black himself was singing along, also. "This isnt right!" Peeves thought, "He's not supposed to LIKE it!" After a while, the Slytherins, too, piped down. Peeves was fuming. He had failed to offend Sirius Black.

Over the coming months, Peeves singled Black out for abuse every chance he got, but Black always took it in good humor and laughed along with Peeves, which made Peeves all the angrier at Sirius for not getting offended or upset at all of Peeves' pranking. One day, when Peeves was plotting a very nasty prank involving placing Flesh-eating Slugs in Black's bed, he was cought by Nearly-headless Nick, who threatened to turn him over to the Bloody Baron. "I told you to stay out of Gryffindor tower! Wait until the Baron hears about this! You know the Sacred Charge, and yet you blatantly violate it!" Peeves protested "But Sir Nicholas, there's nothing in the Sacred Charge about harmless pranks!"

"Harmless? Those are Flesh-eating Slugs! They're far from harmless, you sod, and he's only a student. Have you any idea what these might have done to him?"

"well, I had to do something! Nothing was working on the lad!"

"I should hardly think Dumbledore would appreciate his students being eaten alive, because of your need to be nasty. I'm taking you to the Baron!"

"No, not that! Please Sir Nicholas, don't take me to him! I promise not to ever come here again! Don't take me to the Baron!

"Then get out of here, before I regret my mercy, and take those disgusting slugs with you!"

At this, Peeves beat a hasty retreat from Gryffindor Tower.

Sirius Black, who had been quietly listening from the corridor, emerged and asked "Sir Nick, what exacly is the Sacred Charge?" The Ghost replied "It's not something we usually discuss with the living, but since you asked, well okay. the Sacred Charge is the law which governs ghostly contact with mortals."

"How many laws are there?"

"Only one, but it is rigidly enforced"

"what does the law say?"

The law says that no ghost shall ever kill a mortal"

"That's it?"

"well, that's enough, isn't it?, Of course, it doesn't say anything about helping mortals out of danger, or even pulling pranks that can be really dangerous. but if a mortal dies as a direct result of something a ghost does, woe be unto the ghost that did it, so we usually try to keep things innocent enough not to be deadly"

"What happens if a ghost kills somebody? You can't kill him if he's already dead."

"No, but there are far worse things, like being chained to a rock and left in the desert, or bound up in a bottle and cast into the sea. we ghosts can last forever, and forever can be a very long time if you're stuck in the wrong place."

The incident with Nearly-headless Nick left Peeves cowed, but no less determined, to get at Sirius Black one way or another. he sought Black out every chance he got, and pulled pranks on him any chance he could, but Black showed no sign of breaking, in fact, he smiled every time he saw Peeves. "Got any new tricks to show me?" Sirius challenged. Peeves was getting fed up with it all, and going after other kids. Sirius spent a lot of time in the girl's lavatory, the same one haunted by Moaning Myrtle. Even Peeves didn't go in there. A whiny mortal is a source of entertainment, but a whiny ghost is annoying even for a poltergeist!

Then one day Sirius Black told his friends, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin, that he was going out for a bit of night fishing, hoping to catch some glowcarps for a potion he was working on. Peeves overheard this, and nearly shrieked for joy. Now was the chance to teach Sirius Black a really cold trick! This was sure to upset the little wizard wannabe. Peeves wasted no time in rigging the boat dock to collapse when a certain rope was pulled. In glowcarp-invested waters, Black would look like a potions-experiment before he got out of the water.

Peeves waited in snickering anticipation as Black, net and pole in hand,

strode to the boat dock and prepared to board a rowboat. Just as he was leaning over the dock, Peeves pulled with all his strength, and the boat dock collaped with a crash. Peeves waited for the soaking-wet Black to emerge, anticipating the best laugh of the year. minutes passed, but Black never emerged. "Any second now" thought Peeves. Still, no Sirius Black. "Come on! Surface!" Peves began to worry. After a long silence, a Ghost appeared out of the water.

A ghost that looked very much like Sirius Black.

"YOU!" the young ghost cried."You killed me!"

Just then, all four House Ghosts suddenly appeared. "What is the meaning of this? Why is this one now one of us?" The Baron demanded.

Peeves whimpered. "Please! I didn't mean to! It was just a prank! I didn't know he couldn't swim! He said he was going fishing, so I assumed he could!"

"Peeves," the Bloody Baron spoke "you have broken the Sacred Charge! There is but one punishment for such a crime. You are BANISHED!"

"NO! Don't banish me! it wasn't my fault! PLEASE! I promise I'll never prank again!"

"It's too late for promises, Peeves" the Gray Lady said "you must be banished"

" I tried to warn you" said Nearly-headless Nick.

"you haven't a prayer now" said the Fat Friar.

Peeves panicked,and begged, and grovelled, but the other ghosts shook their heads in judgement. Terror rose in Peeves mind "what will they do with me?" Images of himself chained to a rock in the empty wastelands, or stuffed into a bottle weighted down with rocks,as it sank into the mud at the bottom of the sea, filled his mind with fear. Peeves was in more trouble now than he had ever been since his execution. Only this time it was worse!

Just then, a splashing sound heralded the emergence of Sirius Black, alive and well. Black smiled, as he spat out a mouthful of Gilliweed. Above Black now floated the ghost known as Moaning Myrtle. "Hello there" she sqeaked in a high, girly voice. All around Peeves, the other ghosts were laughing hysterically, "Gotcha!" cried the Bloody Baron, with a smile that was scarier than any scowl that ever crossed his face.

Sirius explained how he had gotten Myrtle to drink a Polyjuice potion, and pretend to be him, while he pretended to drown, but was, in fact, perfectly safe with the Gilliweed in his mouth. He had let all the other ghosts in on his prank, and they were only too eager to help Sirius pull a fast one on Peeves.

"Congradulations, Peeves! You're the first poltergeist at Hogwarts ever to be flim-flammed by a mortal!" The Gray Lady pointed out, and uproarious laughter filled the night sky. Peeves slunk back to Hogwarts Castle, where he spent many a month wallowing in self-pity, but he never pranked Sirius Black again.