Images in the Mirror-Part 10

Chapter 101

I’ve always hated morning. I can’t remember a single time when I’ve wanted to wake up. That morning was no different. I woke up around 4:15, but had no choice but to stay in bed and stare at the ceiling. If I was in my old room, I could have gotten up, read a book with a flashlight, taken a shower... something. But here in the “restriction” room I couldn’t do anything but examine the cracks and patterns on the bare walls.2

I sighed and looked around my new surroundings. Vissler’s Residential Treatment Facility personnel had informed me that we, the “escapees”, were to be isolated and under 24/7 surveillance. In other words, they were going to do everything in their power to ruin our lives.3

The room was boring; less than standard. It was relatively large for a single, and contained no windows. A single bed, a dresser, a desk and a wooden chair were the only pieces of furniture in the room. The bed’s headboard was pushed up against one wall, with space on both sides of the bed. The dresser was plain brown with two large drawers on the bottom, and two small drawers above them. The desk was in a corner, beneath a wall lamp. The wooden chair sat in the corner closest to the bed. A small closet was right next to the door.4

The door that connected my room to the hallway was padlocked shut. It was opened only from the outside, and only with a special key. Two black circles were attached to the ceiling- security cameras. One camera was directly above my bed; the second was right above the desk. 5

I held my watch to my ear. No ticking. Of course; it was my digital watch. I sighed and looked at it for the millionth time. 5:03. The last time I had checked it had been 5:01. It was going to be a long time to 7:00. 6

* * * * *7

“Alexia, time to get up!” 8

I opened my eyes and was nearly blinded by the light pouring out from the bright fluorescent bulb that had been turned on. A nurse was opening my dresser drawers. “Routine check,” She had told me yesterday. In other words: no privacy. No secrets. Anything I owned could and would be looked at by various nurses. A woman was standing at the end of my bed.9

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. “What time is it?” I asked Marie, the nurse. 10

“About 7:15 honey. Did you sleep well?” Marie replied.11

“Yeah I guess... who’s she?” I indicated the lady who was at the end of my bed.12

“My name is Elaine Mennen,” The woman answered for herself. I must have looked confused, because she continued. “I’m a psychiatrist. I have been specially assigned to your case. I specialize in depression among adolescent females.” 13

My eyebrows shot up in surprise. I didn’t have a chance to reply, though, because Marie ordered me to get up and get to the shower. “I don’t have all day!” She complained.14

I crawled out of bed, smoothing my sweatpants and tee shirt with one hand as I did so. Marie and Alana Medicine or whatever her name was watched me pick out my clothes. 15

When I had my clothes together I followed Marie down the hall to the showers. “Fifteen minutes McCollins,” she ordered. “Fifteen minutes; no more. If you so much as spend half a second longer in there I’ll blast you with cold water, understood?” I nodded. “Okay then... so we’ve got an understanding?” I nodded again.16

I stripped and stepped into the shower... the only private place in the entire Restriction ward. It wasn’t that private though, because Marie sat right outside the stall, listening to make sure I wasn’t cutting myself or whatever.17

I went through my shower routine, grateful that they had let me keep my shower basket. I shifted through it, trying to find my soap when my hand hit the folded up washcloths. I gasped. I had forgotten about my razor! There was no way I would be able to hide it... not in Restriction.   18

I stood there for several minutes... the water beating down on me. I stood motionless, clutching the razor in my hand. I chewed on the inside of my check, memories completely overtaking me.19

Being a cheerleader, getting into fights with the punks, getting up at 4 AM to get my hair perfect, spending $300 every six months to get my hair highlighted, getting drunk every Friday night, and waking up with my clothes off next to someone I didn’t know, my parents screaming at each other at 2 in the morning, spending hundreds of dollars at Abercrombie and Fitch, not eating anything in order to maintain a size four.20

These images flashed through my mind; a series of still pictures. I stood perfectly still. My entire life-for the past seven years-had revolved around this razor. Technically, I had definitely used more than just this razor, but this particular razor had seen me through twenty-two psych wards. 21

Marie was shouting to me. I couldn’t hear her. Something was happening to me. I didn’t know what or why. But I knew that something, something was happening deep inside me.22

Marie pounded on the door. The sound of her fists hitting the plexi- glass jolted me back to reality. I quickly wrapped the razor up without using it and stuffed it back in my shower basket. 23

“Quit pounding on the door!” I shouted to Marie. 24

“What in God’s name is going on in there?” She barked. 25

“I’m trying to take a shower!” 26

“Well hurry it up, there’s a line a mile long waiting for the shower.”27

I laughed to myself. There weren’t enough people in the Restriction Ward to form a line a half mile long. Restriction was serious- not many people got sent there.28

“Quit laughing and get your skinny ass out here!” Marie nagged again.29

I kept laughing and ran my hand over my hair, searching for traces of conditioner.30

“You have ten seconds to get your butt out of the shower, or I’ll blast you with water so cold you’ll think you’re in Antarctica.” I grinned to myself. Marie thought up the greatest remarks. “Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five... I’m warning you McCollins....” 31

“Wow you can count Marie... I never knew.” I remarked. I could almost see the flames coming out her nose. 32

“Four... three... two...”33

I turned the water off, grabbed the towel that was hanging over the door, and banged the door open right as Marie reached “one.”34

“You got lucky this time,” Marie growled at me. I smiled sweetly at her, which caused her face to become five shades darker. 35

* * * * * * *36

“Come on McCollins,” Marie ordered me. It was five hours after the shower incident, and Marie had mellowed down a bit. 37

“Where am I going?” I asked her. I was sitting on my neatly made bed, leaning against the headboard and reading this month’s Seventeen. My best friend Brittany had sent me a package. The nurse’s had let me keep the magazines, the lipgloss, and the various makeup, but had confiscated the pens, chocolate, and jewelry. 38

“You have an appointment,” Marie replied. She stood impatiently by my door, her arms folded across her chest. “You’re gonna be late if you don’t move it.” 39

I stood up and slipped my feet into a pair of flip flops. They were one of the few pairs of shoes I was allowed to wear in Restriction. Apparently you can kick someone to death if you’re wearing regular shoes. Or so they told me.40

Marie re-locked my door and slipped the key ring back on her wrist. I followed her down the green carpeted hallway. Marie pushed open the door to the stairwell and ushered me inside. We walked down several flights of stairs without speaking. 41

We got to the ground floor and walked out to the Reception desk. I looked at Marie quizzically; what the hell were we doing here? Marie ignored my glance and instead grabbed my arm.42

The woman from my room that morning stood next to the reception desk, wearing the picture of calm. Marie shoved me toward the woman, said “Be good McCollins... no tricks,” and walked away.43

“Hi Alexia, do you remember me? Elaine Mennen? I was in your room this morning,” she said to me, acting like I was 2 or retarded or something.44

“No shit,” I answered her. “What am I doing here?” I asked.45

“Come on; let’s go to my office... I’ll explain everything there.” 46

I followed her down a long hallway. When we got to the end, she turned right into a small cove. There were three doors; one on each wall of the cove. She went to the one on the right and unlocked it with a key from the ring around her wrist.47

A sign on the door said “Elaine Mennen: Behavior Psychiatrist.” I sighed and followed her inside. 48

“Have a seat.” She motioned to a large dark pink couch. I sat.49

While Dr. Mennen fiddled with papers on her desk, I looked around the room. The room was decorated in various shades of pink, with a little white thrown in here and there. Whoever the decorators were had definitely overdone it on the pink theme.50

The walls were painted pale pink, the ceiling a dark pink with white stars painted on. (What was with counselors and stars on their ceilings?) The carpet was, I was relieved to see-white. The couch that I was sitting on was dark pink, and the overstuffed chair across from me was the same shade of dark pink. The coffee table was a pleasant oak brown, and it didn’t seem to match the rest of the room. Dr. Mennen’s desk was made of the same oak material, but her large desk chair was covered in pink plastic. Her computer, a translucent Imac, was a pale pink with a white border.51

I felt like I was in hell: A very warm, very pink hell, who’s Satan wore black glasses and a pink skirt. I leaned back on the couch. I was scared.   52