Forever Sex and Blood and the Dark, Amen

People talk about Eirda a lot, they say things any and all of which may be true or not, but all I know is that when I knew her she was a goth and she sat with her friends in the dark in the little-kid’s park down the street from the coffee shop where stoners went to listen to shitty high-school bands and get high.   Eirda was all black then, and almost invisible in the dark.   There were three of them, Eirda and Kestryl and Alexa.   They sat in this park one night with no one around, and there was something in the air that night, and the music was bad so I wandered out of the coffee shop, leaving my buddies in the mosh pit, and walked down the road rather aimlessly until I heard their voices.1

I couldn’t hear what they were saying, only that they were saying things.   I jumped the wall and walked over to them, but they didn’t notice, they were so engrossed in themselves, in their own sickness.   Kestryl cut herself.   If there was a reason for this I never heard it; but she did.   Eirda and Alexa were talking to her, I don’t know what they were saying, I wasn’t listening.   I just sat down between Kestryl and Eirda.   “Hi,” said Kestryl uncertainly; then I noticed the razor in her hand.   “What’s your name?”2

“Lucas,” I said, smiling, although a hell of good that did in the darkness.   “You?”3

“Kestryl,” she said through her teeth, as she traced another line.   “This is Eirda and Alexa.”   I smiled at them too, because I was an idiot.   No one said anything for a couple of minutes; then “Why are you here?” said Alexa.4

“I just heard you guys talking,” I said, “and I’m bored.”5

Eirda moved past me to sit with Kestryl.   “You were at the show?”6

“Yeah,” I said, “and it sucked.”   “It figures,” murmured Alexa, and “Do you play music?”7

“No.”8

Eirda turned and put her hand on my shoulder.9

“Lucas, right?”10

“Yeah.”11

“What do you think about the night?”12

I didn’t know what to say.   “I like it, although I can’t say for certain whether I prefer night or day, if that’s what you mean.”13

“That and a million other things,” she said dreamily, and kissed my shoulder lightly.   “I like the dark, I blend in and I can’t be seen, and when you can’t be seen people look through you.   When you feel like a ghost it makes more sense that way.   And you can do anything, and people won’t notice you.   I like the dark, and the way it smells; I read novels, and all the sexy stuff happens at night.   I like the fact that I wear makeup and that in the dark you can’t see it but you know it’s there, you know my lips are blacker than the air, don’t you, Lucas?   And at night you’re anywhere you want, we’re not just here on the grass but we’re flying, or we’re in some neogothic mansion, where pillars writhe within the walls.   I can run my fingers through the River Styx, and who’s to know?   And sleep on mahogany, with only the sweetest incense burning above me.   And the silken sad uncertain rustling of the purple curtains thrills me, fills me with fantastic terror never felt before…”14

She kissed me on the lips, and her lips were soft and sticky with her black lipstick, and slowly our mouths opened and I tasted blood on her tongue.   She put a hand around my throat, gently, lovingly, and slowly guided it up through my hair, all the while pushing at my tongue gently, and cupping her breast with the other hand, until she broke off and murmured gently “Give me some more, Kestryl,” and Alexa was massaging Kestryl’s back.   I lay down.   I knew I’d have her eventually, there was no need to pursue it.   I tried to count the stars but they always seemed to be moving, and there was just the slightest breeze.   She was right about the smell.15

“You can hear the music from here,” Alexa said, and you could but only barely, just a little of the drums, and the drums weren’t bad by themselves.   Eirda slid herself up along me, propped my mouth open with one long-nailed finger and dripped Kestryl’s blood onto my tongue.   I licked it down and reached up slowly to feel her breasts, pulling her top off slowly to reveal a corset underneath.   It was thick in my hands and I took the ribbon on the front and pulled her close.   “I’m going to fuck you,” I said, and she licked my lips.   “I’ve wanted you forever, Lucas,” she whispered.   I could almost see the stars shining through her hair.   It was long and thick, it fell around me onto the ground.   I pulled the knot apart.   “More, Kestryl,” I said, then pulled  the corset off and rolled her over into the grass.16

Her breasts were full and round and white even in the blackness.   I squeezed her nipple between my fingers and she gasped, and then the other one, and clamped my mouth down on her neck and kissed her down to her arm.   She was moaning and Kestryl was behind me, pushing her fingers into the knots on my back, half-dried blood making them sticky.   I bit her so hard she bled direct into my mouth, and I licked it hungrily.   I actually heard Kestryl giggle above me.   There were still the drums playing, and the grass was cold beneath us, and Eirda gasping and moaning.   “You’re all bloody,” I whispered in her ear.   She reached out and licked my lips again.17

Kestryl and I ripped her skirt and her g-string off, and again, her thighs shone in the night, and her slit was wet and slippery to the touch.18

She begged.19

There was no patience anymore, I had to fuck her, it was a mad building thing between the two of us at this point.   I entered her quickly, she gasped in surprise and fear and delight.   Kestryl, her hands now sliding-wet from her blood, still rubbed my back hard.   Alexa was sobbing to herself.   I took Eirda, she was mine then, and she moaned and screamed and grabbed at me and at Kestryl and the ground, and her breasts flew up and down in the night, and she screamed.   “Oh, God,” she screamed.   I leaned in to her, called her a whore, I spat in her open mouth and still she wanted it, still her lips taut around me, and she was convulsively grabbing her breasts, and Kestryl now was gone, just watching.   I pulled out of her and flipped her on her back.20

“Oh, God.”21

I yanked her head up by the hair and on my knees behind her I fucked her again, even wilder, smacking her ass hard and grabbing her breasts, and she begged and screamed, “Oh fuck, oh yes, I need this in me forever, Lucas, this can never stop and neither can this beautiful night.   Fuck me, Lucas.   Kestryl.   He needs you, I need him, Kestryl get up, please, fuck don’t stop it Lucas, oh, God…”   “You fucking whore,” I snarled, “you cunt,   Take it like the bitch you are.   Take it, I wanna hear how much you love it, getting fucked in the middle of the park like some mindless pussywhore from nowhere,” and she screamed, and told me she loved me and my Cock, and would I never, ever, stop.22

And Kestryl got up and gave me her arm, and I sucked the blood from it, and swallowed it, and spit it into the air,   I spit warm blood onto Eirda’s back and it dribbled down onto her neck and onto the ground.   I gripped her breasts with sliding bloody hands and made her suck the blood off my fingers between cries of “Fuck yes” and “I need your night-cock.”   This for days in the night.   There were no more drums.   Alexa, tear-streaked, was kissing Eirda and Eirda’s muffled moans were dying in Alexa’s quivering tongue.   I was Lucas, God.   “Fuck me, Lucas, if you stop I’ll die, I need you, I need blood tonight, and cock, and cum, and everything.   Rape me, I’m your bitch.   Just don’t ever stop.”23

And then, finally, exhaustingly, through tears and sweat and infinity, I slowly pulled out and shot my thickness all over her back, and there was cum, and there was blood.24

And there was silence.25

Eirda lay on the ground and Kestryl and Alexa too, and I sat serenely, and everything Eirda had said about the night made sense to me.   I smelled it deeply.   The drums from far away and another lifetime played softly and slowly or not at all, or in another sphere.   There was no coldness in the night air of Honolulu, only us dripping with sweat, and I felt almost nothing, except everything.26

Kestryl’s breathing was harsh and Alexa said “She’s going to die if we don’t get help.”   They all lay there quietly for a while, breathing, panting, and they were reliving every second of it in their minds, and so was I, and eventually I took out my cell phone and called 911.   They were coming, and Eirda slowly got her clothes back on, and eventually the huge daylight sound of an ambulance came closer, and we took Kestryl, who was limp and panting and had Alexa’s shirt tied around her arm, over to the vehicle.27

At the hospital, the three of us watched them hook her up to some apparatus, and Eirda asked me for my number.   I scrawled it on a notepad and she stuck it down her cleavage, and I told Kestryl I was sorry for fucking her up like this, and she laughed and said that I had given her something better than she had had in a long time.   “But I won’t be calling your number, Lucas,” she said; “I won’t be calling because you’re Eirda’s night-owl, aren’t you.”   And it was true.   Alexa never said anything, only stared straight ahead.   She was pretty too, though, in her own way.28

Eirda called me once, a year or so later, and we got together at her apartment and started at it, but she was no longer who she had been and it was no longer really night, and it wasn’t any fun, and halfway through it while she was sucking me off I told her to stop and pulled on my pants and walked out the door, and I don’t know what happened to her except there were no cuts on her arms, and I could see her clearly indoors.   The carpet, too, was soft and fabricated.29