Lost In Memory

That had to be one of the worst mornings of my life. Who knew so few words, could send your whole world crashing down around you...?1

I know i didn't.2

Now I do.3

* * *4

The phone rang. It was early, too early to pick up the phone when you'd had a sleepover. So I ignored it; as I am sure most of you would have also.5

Another ring- either gave up or my dad picked up.6

A soft knock on my door. My dad enters- slowly... why? He hands me the phone and I sigh dramatically as I sit p and pay attention to the person on the other end.7

My Mom.8

We are talking about going somewhere- I just woke up, I'm tired, I had a sleepover. I decline. My dad picks up the phone and my mom says, "Do you want to tell her or should I?"9

"You can if you want." He replies.10

Annoyed and aggravated at this early morning wake up call I say, "Tell me /what/?!"11

Silence.12

"Your great grandfather is dead." My heart skips a beat. She continues talking. I just hang up the phone. It's too much, I'm still recovering, I'm scared.13

I burst into tears, loud painful sobbing.14

"Cassie..." My friend's hand touches my shoulder- immediately I slap it away and stand up.15

I had collapsed on the floor in tears. And now- I snap back to reality.16

~I have company.17

I can't break now.18

It's all on me.~19

I stand and walk to the bathroom breathing deeply. I wash and dry my face.20

This aches more inside than my red eyes or laboured breathing could show.21

About one year prior my great grand mother died.22

That morning yet another part of me died. I think I may die if I lose one more shard of my glass heart.23

Like a child, all I can think is, 'I don't like when people die...'24

I sniff and go back to crawl into bed and greet my friend.25

She told me later that she didn't think she would ever see me cry. I silently told myself, I never thought she would see me cry.26

I act so tough but deep inside, I'm just a little girl. Yet I have big girl problems. I'm vulnerable and scared and weak. The dark is no longer the scariest thing for me at night, the scariest thing is now having to wake up- and face the light.27