Searching.

Running. Her feet were disturbing the placid sand on the quiet beach, her panting rose above the crashing of the waves. The forest ahead of her sloped down toward the sand and almost grazed the sea when it was high tide. She was drawing ever closer to the dark cluster of towering trees that wasn’t so distant anymore. Suddenly, as she entered the brush and raced past the overgrown plants the bright moon that had once lit her way was no where to be seen, as were her surroundings. She began to slow down in fear of running into a tree branch or some type of foliage. Strangely though there was no coarse earth beneath the pads of her feet and when she began to look around she could make out different shapes amongst the night. Almost as suddenly as the moon disappeared when she entered the forest, small blue balls, about the size of gugum-ballsburst into a bright, almost searing light that traveled along either edge of a paved path that she had somehow found. It was the most gorgeous thing that she had ever seen. She took off again, down the path, as fast as she could run. She could’ve sworn that she had heard the faint trickle of water coming from some stream or brook ahead. She needed a drink and a place to take a small rest. There were pins and needles spiking down her clvecalves thighs as she sprinted down the unknown path. And yet, she had not yet found what she sought. She had no clue where to look, but she will know when she stumbles upon it. 1

She approached the brook and threw herself into the icy water. It robbed her of breath for a few moments but she enjoyed the numbness that seemed to be soothing her into a slight daze. Her mind began to wander under the indulgence of the cool comforting crystal water that seemed to capture her awareness that was ever strong at the time she began to wander, looking. What her mind has been searching for is quite the mystery in itself.  She is not even sure that she knows exactly what her mind desires just that she knows something crucial is missing. And though it is desirable, she seems to be able to be without it. But emptiness plagued her conscious thought, so powerful that it was distracting her from how she was able to operate. This mystery haunted her dreams, coaxed jealousy to erupt on her face at the sight of other happy individuals when she did come across someone else, and seemed to restrict her ability to see reality as it was.2

The plague that warped her mind though was not just a simple disease. It was a complex destructive parasite affecting everything from her sleep patterns, from her diet to her wandering paths through the gorgeous landscapes that she was able to find in her mysterious location, away from maps and the capitalist hypocrisy that rules the land that we happen to occupy. This plague made its mark everyday by becoming desire for unconsciousness of the self conscious mind. It suppressed her diet patterns, making her as skinny as a twig and still protected her mind from the apparent reality that surrounded her as she trekked. And yet, this buffer if you will, had its price since everything seems to have some sort of worth these days and it was a despairing time adjusting back to the realness of the real, the harshness of the world, the stark surroundings of pain and emotion that she lacked when under the apparent parasitic creature that fed upon her mind.3

The icy water surrounding her began to rob her of air and she was forced to break the surface that had just grown smooth. Her head breaching the placid smoothness of the water seemed to just erupt out of nowhere, seeing as the water had grown quite foggy and gray upon her entrance into the brook. There was a slight breeze billowing through the trees chilling her to the bone as she stumbled on to the land that bordered the small pon. In her casual bag that she had dropped before entering the water, she found her escape. There was a warm towel that seemed to appear randomly and there was a magical escape that she sought once more. 4

With a gulp of water and a heightened anticipation, a gentle numbness to the world set in and the forest seemed to melt away into nothing but a blur of color and sound. 5

There, on the bank of the brook, she decided to take a slight rest, curling up in her towel to take a quick nap. It was a good long five hours though before she awoke to find the sun setting on the hill and a nasty headache destroying her individual thought of anything independent of the pain. This headache was very familiar. The twinge of reality had struck again, this time stabbing here right between the eyes and in the temples on either side of her head.6

But she had to keep searching; she desperately needed to keep moving for a fear of stopping could lead to a dangerous path of uncontrollable ability and action. After a short time lamenting about her aching head, she was on the move again, running. Her calves were quite strong now from her constant movement, her constant athletic ability and yet she didn’t notice her chiseled legs nor her amazing lung capacity or any of the other material benefits from unceasing exercise. She was constantly focused inward.7

Her thoughts reverberated as if in space, moving slowly and bouncing off of many things as it slowly touched the walls and began to fade into the steady background that characterized her blank mind. But these ideas were useless. She couldn’t go back, despite that’s what her mind told her. It didn’t feel right and she shouldn’t take that risk of going against her feelings. Nor could she ask for help in this situation of searching. She was perfectly capable of doing this herself with no one there to assist her when she did not want it. This individuality sparked a new found strength in her will to achieve.8

As she began to falter in her jogging, she noticed a slight waver in the forest that was surrounding her. The gentle throb in the bushes and foliage intrigued her to the extent of utter confusion. It had never done that before. The waver had a slight rhythmic pulse that was the spark of a new shade of lunacy that will somehow plague her into delusions in the future.9

A slight calculated look came over her environment, as if she weren’t in a real place, that she was running around in a generated reality. That could not be true though, she began to muse, and nothing could generate such a realistic algorithm in her time to create the world that she was in, nothing. The emptiness inside of her couldn’t possibly be computerized since it was a human emotion. In the present time period, or what she understood it to be, she was right. There was no way to manipulate or dictate how she felt and human advances in science hadn’t even begun to scratch the surface of the mysteries of the mind, nor has even begun to touch the surface of manipulation of axons and dendrites in the brain.10

She ventured forward to examine her surrounding foliage and view. A slight flicker occurred as she approached the edge of the path. She noticed not from where the flicker originated, but wherever she was, it was not a stable place, nor would it end all that well. But then it seems so real. There is no true evidence to compensate for the possible illusions her eyes were seeing. This had always been her world, and it can not exactly change after an entire age.11

So she began to suppress these thoughts and slowly they disappeared into nothingness and were long forgotten. There were more important thoughts to address in her mind other than musing over some speculated theory that could just be a hallucination to her tired eyes and distorted brain.12

She did notice a pattern though. There were throbs coming more and more often now, and the constant presence of the disturbances around her began to eat away at her slowly dwindling sense of sanity. 13

Curiosity began springing up every now and then, she stopped finding food every now and then on the path and was beginning to feel the painful twinge of a stomach ache arising in short subtle bursts and fading away into nothingness as well. After a week without eating, she found that she could barely operate anymore and decided to venture out into her pulsating universe around her.14

She approached the closest tree next to her paved pathway that she was standing on. With one glimmering finger she slightly prodded the tree in the middle of its large trunk and stepped back. It had melted into a slight puddle of goop on the floor and sunk into the rotting leaves that made up the forest floor that had become a standard sight in the forest and a common scent to her slender nose.15

Completely mystified by this action, she began to tremble with fear at the sight of something that had once been real just dissolving into nothing but rotten leaves. She made a bold decision to step out into the forest and just see what would happen; she approached the edge of the path. Her foot gently landed on the forest floor and was quickly removed at the sight of what happened next.16

The entire forest floor was melting just as the tree had done, melting into nothing and flickering into an invisible void at the point where her foot grazed the once solid land. As she watched this occurrence, fear gripped her by the ribs and she collapsed along with her world into invisibility.17

A few hours later judging by her shadow’s placement behind her, which was an unusual occurrence judging by the lack of sun and everything but her and the path, she awoke to find that nothing had changed around her. She looked into the grey mist and swirling emptiness. She had no clue of what to do accept continuing down the path, so she turned and made her way.18

Nothing changed as she went miles and miles, occasionally finding food or nuts that hadn’t flown into the abyss, so she decided to call it. She also would see floating fruit at every 4000 step, which is where she would fine food in the forest that once surrounded her in a placid landscape.19

This new found fear had done significant damage on her mental and physical states. She knew not what to do next but just follow the path. She thought many times of just letting herself get sucked into the void to see what lie out there in the adverse universe surrounding her for the time being. But never had she had the courage to do so yet, one never knows what lies out in the unknown areas of the world, and she didn’t feel much like going out there to see for herself. Yet.20

As she continued on her journey, a slight depression began overcoming her mind, slowly taking over her thoughts and feelings. Surrounded by grey mist, what else would one suspect?21

The meandering path seemed to follow a strict pattern that led it along different grey swirls. Only the most observant person could tell the difference, but she could. When surrounded by the devilish swirls, one would notice when they change even slightly.22

When she felt fatigued, she slept, but never for long. Her times sleeping were also growing ever farther apart as well. Soon enough fatigue never seemed to plague her, so she never slept, her eyes growing ever darker, with a slight horrific hunger for knowledge set up in them. Also a slight growing fear was augmenting inside of her as well. Hopelessness was not a fond feeling and there was a constant brewing trepidation that controlled her within weeks.23