Time

"This is to a girl who got into my head,1

With all these fucked up things I did,2

And did you know I miss you?3

Did you know I miss you4

Did you know I miss you5

Did you know I miss you6

Did you know I miss you7

Did you know I miss you8

Did you know I miss you,9

I miss you.."10

- Something Corporate - Konstatine.11

I miss you, you know I do. I plucked up all the avaible courage lying around, some of my own, some of the other people around me, and called you up, just to hear your grouchy voice reminding me I had a friend somewhere in the world. And you couldn't even humour me, and it didn't hurt me then, because I knew you'd hold out on me yet again. But its hurting now.12

I called you, and all you could do is talk about yourself, after two months of a small msn conversation where I had tears streaming down my face just by the thought of you. And you couldn't even keep a phone call going more then 3 minutes. You know I loathe crying. Please don't force me to cry again tonight, when I go through this all over again.13

You know, in all the times I used to talk to you, we'd always talk more then 5 minutes, ALWAYS. And you really took everything I said so literally? You know I could never mean it, You knew I didn't, and you know that right now, I've forgiven you so, but you haven't me. And how many times do I need to swallow my pride, make the first move, face the fear of the phone just to talk to you? To hear your grouchy voice, to smell that funny cigarette smell, and that way you could always cheer me up when I was feeling low. 14

And I've been so bad the last few weeks. I've been really messed up, though hiding it awfully well from most of these people. And all I wanted to do, was talk to you, was to hear that voice, reminding me it was going to be okay, all I needed was you to remind me that you still believed in me, that like my new friends, you thought of me as someone special. And you couldn't do it, could you?15

And this isn't anger talking , its the sadness boiling up to a point where it just wants to scream and cry into a little ball in the middle of the duvets and ask, no, demand why lessons in life always hurt so much. Everytime I think about you, I tell myself I'm going to stop it, I'm not going to feel anything , because you've caused nothing but aggrivation to my peaceful soul in the last year. 16

A new year, a new start, never seemed to work. I just spent an hour on the phone to a friend I've only had for a few months because she needed a shoulder to cry on, and cry she did. So much that it reminded me that where was my shoulder to cry on? It was you, and I've needed you a lot, and just not admited it. 17

I won't start crying, because I'm so afraid I won't be able to stop. You said you'd call back. You didn't. Was I suprised? No. But..I'm still waiting. 18

I miss you so fucking much; it can't even be described. No words could possibly describe this feeling, and this is why I can't give up, because19

I've never felt this loss towards a friend. I miss you. Just pointless words to you. I really miss you. Please don't forget me.20

I still can't understand why you don't seem to care. Nor why I cannot get any sort of clossure. I wish it was me who moved away. Wish it was me who could leave as easily as you and not care. 21

Wish it was me, 22

wish, 23

wish 24

wish25

wish 26

wish 27

wish 28

wish I was someone else. 29

I wish you'd just say you hate me. Because if you did, then I could stop kidding myself that there was any sort of way this could possibly be an excuse of friendship.30

Friendship is sort of like a "retard". Its the little special educated child in the corner who can't survive without something or other, and everyone keeps telling it, its going to live a perfectly normal life, but all its really thinking is "Screw you, stop patronising me you git." 31

And I feel terrible inside, absolutely terrible, so Im overcompensating, all the time. And its my fault, I know it is. But you know, all the new people I've met..I'd give them all up, for you. Stupid, isn't it? And I loko at them, and I feel so guilty, as if they know I would. Even though you're a terrible person, and I know that. But I'm even worse, for thinking this. As soon as I read this back, I'll deny I ever felt like this, because I can't believe you'd do it, I really can't. I don't want to believe that people have the capability to hurt others, as much as you're hurting me now. 32

One more hug, one more random music practice in your room, one more shot of vodka in the middle of the night, one more conversation about Lorien, one more phone call at 3am, one more time on WoW together, one more time in your living room, one more tickle fight, and one more minute of time.33

Time waits for no man.34

"And if this is what it takes35

Just to lie with my mistakes36

And live with what I did to you37

All the hell I put you through" - Something Corporate.38