Without You

The door slammed behind Shuichi; the emphasis on Yuki's anger chilling him as badly as the snow falling around him.  "What did I do -this- time!?" The young vocalist wondered aloud. All he had been doing was watching TV; minding his own business, then Yuki came out of his office yelling things he either didn't hear or didn't understand. Now he was flat on his ass in the falling snow.1

"Yuki! Let me in! It's cold out here!" The flustered lover yelled, kicking the door only to find it hurt his foot as well as his already wounded emotions.2

Across the street one Tohma Seguchi sat quietly watching the boy. He -had- been on his way home, but watching Shuichi just seemed so much more interesting. He had obviously been thrown out again, and watching as the distraught boy alternated from sadness to anger and back again was just too cute not to mention the idea it had given him.3

A soft sigh escaped the man as he rose and walked over to the pink-haired vocalist. "What's the matter Shuichi?" Tohma inquired sweetly, standing behind the trembling figure.4

Shuichi turned abruptly on his heel to be surprised by Seguchi's presence behind him. The older man had rarely spoken to him at all; however, while he tried to think of what to say his anger and sadness overcame him, allowing the childish tears to fall freely.5

"Hush now Shuichi, it's all right." Tohma said softly with a false smile, grimacing slightly as he accepted the boy's attempt to hide away in his arms. This was all for a purpose; to get him away from Eiri, and he'd just have to put up with each thing as it came along.6

"I don't even know what I did wrong! He just threw me out for no reason!" The boy sobbed into the elder man's chest, gripping his coat tightly. 7

The NG president only gave soft coos and reassurances to Shuichi until at length, only soft sniffles were left coming from him.8

"Why don't you come with me eh?"9

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"I just can't believe he kicked me out again! I wasn't even doing anything wrong!" The desolate vocalist exclaimed again as he punched his thighs to emphasize the point. Tohma sighed softly as he set his mug down.11

"Perhaps; you should just leave Eiri then Shuichi." He said softly, slightly hopefully. He was obviously pressing at that old button again just hoping Shuichi was too hurt to care.12

"What!?" The vocalist burst his eyes wide in shock, but he didn't dare think that was what this was all about. Surely by now even Seguchi believed he wasn't bad for Yuki?13

"Well, obviously he does not love you. He's left and pushed you away time and time again. He's always so cold to you, you can not really think he does?" Cold eyes gazed into those bright ones clouded by tears, how much they reminded him of Yuki's. So manipulating, and still uncaring somehow. Distant of reality, yet completely focused on their objective, his heart.14

"I. . . ." He faltered, casting his gaze to the ground. "I love him though!"15

"However, is it worth loving someone who'll never love you, and eventually leave you?"16

Shuichi only stared at his lap, a tear falling from his eyes every few moments.17

"Why don't you just sleep on it here for the night? Make your decision in the morning."18

"All right. . . ." It was not though, not all right when he was seriously considering listening to the man that had tried to squash his feelings for the blond novelist since day one. Not all right when he was pretty certain he would listen anyway. . . .19

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Shuichi awoke quite early the next morning, grimacing at the rising sun shining merrily through the window. Instinct led him to seek his lover's shoulder to hide in, only to find it was not there. That was right, he wasn't at home. . . . He was in his boss' home, and though he knew Tohma and his wife were in the other room; he felt utterly and completely alone. The feeling numbed him. . . .21

He had actually considered that bastard's advice! What else was there to do though? Everything the man he knew he shouldn't ever listen to on such matters had said was true! When had Yuki -ever- displayed the kind of emotions that meant a lasting relationship; one that didn't end with him in tears? Never. . . .22

What could he do to change that even? Every time he had tried ended in either Yuki leaving him, or at the very least kicking him out of his ass! It wasn't fair that he even had to consider this with all the work he had put into that relationship. Months and months of running around trying to juggle work and chasing after the fool, and for what? For him to seek comfort in the arms of one of the men he hated most in the world because the 'love of his life' just didn't get it?23

Well, Yuki was right about one thing, he was a fool. A fool to be in love with a fool. Even Tohma was right about something, he needed to get the hell away from the cold bastard, at whatever cost temporarily to his heart. To save long-term pain. Tohma wasn't right about why though, he was most definitely -not- bad for Yuki. He was the best thing that ever happened to the man all things considered, and in compensation he was the worst thing to ever happen to him? How in the hell was -that- fair?24

Shuichi was then fairly growling as he sat in the couch; his hair scattered and strangely piled on itself from the tossing and turning of the night before. He quickly rose with a new resolve to 'remedy' his situation, and not let his foolishness get in the way of whatever good judgement he did possess. 25

He went to the washroom and did little more than flatten his hair before he went to the door, placed on his rather worn shoes, and headed out the door.26

As he heard the door slam decisively Tohma smirked in satisfaction. Perhaps this time he had finally achieved what a good two years of malevolence had failed to. His wife lie sleeping beside him, unknowing that within her husband's mind thoughts of her own brother stirred tirelessly; as they always had.27

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"Oh, Shu---" Yuki began as he opened the apartment door. He was still in his pajamas with a cigarette sticking out of his mouth as usual for noon. His hair was unkempt and badly needed brushing, suggesting that the incessant hammering on the door had only just woken him.29

"I'm leaving!" Shuichi blurted out before rushing off to the bedroom. Eiri Yuki just stood there, stunned, at the doorway. He said nothing as he heard his former lover tearing through the house; gathering his belongings as quickly as he could. Not a solitary portion of him moved, not a tear fell, not a thought went through his mind. Even as the young boy darted out the door, he just stood there.30

Finally, even a few minutes after Shuchi left passed before the novelist finally shut the door, and then he slumped against it. His head fell lifelessly against his knees, even the cold of his eyes managed to dim. Everything was being rapidly drained from the man as he sat there in the growing tide of pain from the new hole in his heart his lovely little fool had ripped open. No, not his fool; just a fool too stupid to see love staring him in the face.31

There it was, the only object the little fool had left behind. That damn mug's icon grinned at him manically, almost taunting him with an emotion he could never feel, especially now. Damned be the emotion of happiness, for it he just couldn't feel..32

He just couldn't figure out why he had even left. . . .Sure he had been mean to the boy, kicked him out a time or two when he just had to have some rest so he could work. Sure he said hateful things, but Shuichi knew he didn't exactly mean them! The fool had actually left, and that was all there was to it. Although, he did not doubt some else had a hand in things. . . .33