Conflict in me

Do it, you want it.1

No you wont make me fail2

Yes I will you are nothing. You tell me that everyday.3

Please I beg you, she is still proud of me she doesn’t know what I’m becoming again4

You know she does, she sees it in your eyes like you see what she's becoming in hers5

She doesn't really know what I see, she doesn’t know that I know she doesn’t love me like she says she does and like she wants me to believe her to.6

Exactly you motherfucker, she doesn’t love you, she thinks she HAS to because you are a FUCK UP!7

No no, I’m not. I am just as strong as you.8

So why is the blade sitting in your hand waiting for me to tell you to press down or move it away?9

I’m not waiting for you I’m waiting for me to decide if I really should do this!10

FUCK UP FUCK UP FUCK UP FEELS GOOD DOESN'T IT! BLADE AGAINSTS YOUR SKIN, BLODD TRICKLING DOWN YOUR ARM11

NO, NO. Please I beg you I cant take this anymore, ple-ease. Don’t make me do this.12

Not so strong are we? it's ok. You and me will survive we don’t need anyone that's why I’m making you do this. All these people are making everything worse. You do this and they will leave you and it'll be just us. Locked away, just...us.13

You promise? Just us, locked away no one to tell us what to do? What’s normal? Who I can be with?14

You won’t need to be with anyone when it's just us, because I’ll be everything you need.15

But I love her, you know I have loved her for so long. What will she think?16

But she doesn’t love you and she never will, why do you bring this up now. Have you forgotten so soon how she is happy with him, how she kisses him in front of you? Didn’t think so.17

You’re right as usual, but what about my family?18

Oh your drug using brother who forgets you exist, your loved up sister who would rather you went away to a hell with your mother than put up with you for a weekend, your father who spends all his time sailing with his friends and his girlfriend and working, and your mother who says you are for your father to worry about as you chose to live with him? Remind me, what’s so wonderful about them?19

They love me I know they do. How can they not? I do everything for them.20

That’s the point, you are a convenience, you do all their dirty work while they sit on their asses and you take it all. Listen to me, I am the one you want to be with I’ll take care of you.21

Really? I’m so alone, I cant do anything right!22

No! That’s what they make you feel, I wont judge you.23