I'm looking back to when I first met Paul; we were in the fifth grade when I first met him. We met in a weird way. Our homeroom teacher gave us a seating arrangement and him and I were assigned to sit by each other. He would always flirt with me and we always got in trouble for talking to each other all the time. We had so much in common. We both loved the same things and I guess that is when we clicked.1
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The first time I saw you Paul, I thought it was love at first sight. I could never tell you I liked you because I was shy. Until the day I approached you and introduced myself.3
"Hi. My name is Kat. What is yours?" I asked in a shy voice.4
"My name is Paul." Paul replied in a shy voice also and started to blush.5
Paul looked at me up and down and smiled at me and started to ask what I am interested in.6
"Do you like Spongebob Squarepants?" he asked in a mellow voice.7
"I love him. He is my favorite cartoon character." I said in an excited voice.8
"Wow, are you serious? Me too." he replied in excited voice also.9
From then on, we always hung out together and talked. The next day, we started going out and you were my first boyfriend. I felt so loved until the next day you broke up with me just because people found out.10
"Why are you breaking up with me?" I asked with tears in my eyes.11
"Because people found out." Paul said in frustration.12
"Why does it matter if people find out? What is the point of a relationship if people don't know?" I cried13
"Kat, I'm sorry. I guess I am just not ready for a relationship." He started to tear up in his eyes.14
"Well nice knowing you." I said and left the sight.15
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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that's how i felt with my first love..but we lasted longer. his friends were making fun of him because of me and he didn't want to be embarassed..well the story was short but very good!
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I like this piece. Really full of emotion and moves smoothly throughout the piece. Nice story. I really enjoyed reading it. Great write. - cgirl0410
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This is so cute, makes me remember back to my old gradeschool days. Nice little story keep up the good work
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Great, I liked that and the beginning seemed smoother. I just saw this little mistake and it should be fine. "Our homeroom teacher gave us a seating arrangement and you and I were assigned to sit by each other." Change the you to him and I think it would be really good. Love Mom
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Wonderful job.
Awww... sweetie, if this is true, it's his loss. The only think I noticed is that in the beginning you used "you" and then you changed to third person with him and said "Paul". Maybe you should fix the you's or keep it with Paul. They both sound fine whether you use either... just don't use both. It sounds odd. And the first few sentences sound a little choppy.
"I'm looking back to when I first met you. We were in the fifth grade when I first met you. We met in a weird way."
Try to make it sound smooth... you want to keep your reader interested. It was a very nice beginning though, I loved it. Keep up the great work.
Love Momma.
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